For your first thing--

I know it sounds kind of corny, but have you ever tried writing a letter and just reading it? Sometimes when you do that you get your feelings out when you write it, so that you can just read it like you are reading a poem or a book. Maybe that way, the emotions won't be so fresh, and you can have some time alone to make sure you are choosing how you want to say things. I have done it before with other relationships, and it can be effective.

Second thing--

I know what it is like to have respect gone for so many years, and you are right, it is very hard for two different people to find it again. It takes a lot of work from both sides. But, sometimes when a person leads by example how to act, the other person can see a difference, and it all falls into line. Not every time does this happen, but at least that person would know without a shadow of a doubt that they tried their best.

I feel for you. We are alike with the sentimental and emotional thing.

hang in there.