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Codependent No More CHAPTER 4
January 25, 2007
11:03 pm
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mamacinnamon
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HI Armyangel:

Does somebody not want you on the computer? I'm glad you are resourceful.

OK MJ I am finished. Putting my assessment together.

(while everyone is all around talking... 🙁 )

January 25, 2007
11:04 pm
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mj
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Everyone?

January 25, 2007
11:07 pm
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mj
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God Grant me the Serenity,
To Accept the Things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference. OK, Now I feel Better!

January 25, 2007
11:07 pm
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armyleo
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I think my main areas which I will need to work on are

Controlling - which is scarry because I always thought because I was in control then I felt in charge, or a better way to put it is in control of everything. Meaning, I could handle things on my own.

Denial - is another big one

Dependency -

Poor Communication - that is a big one. I knew I didn't get my point or idea across good. However, communication is more than that. It is blame, threaten,, beg, Don't say what I men. Big one here I can never seem to get to my point. Always trying to say what people want to hear etc.....

Lack of Trust

Anger

Sex Problems

Miscellaneous

and the scariest of all I learned was Progressive....I cann't believe I got this far.

I kind of feel awful right now, because I have soo many 2 in all the different areas's. So I guess there is no question that I am co-dependent.

Sorry forgot to say hi to everyone.

January 25, 2007
11:09 pm
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ggfred4
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I am here mj...already posted my answers to the questions above. I think I need a calculator to count my 2's. The worst categories for me were Low Self Worth, Lack of Trust, and Dependency.

January 25, 2007
11:12 pm
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mj
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Glad to see you GG!

I am sorry you are feeling awful army. It isn't good or bad, its reality. We get to work on changing what we don't like about ourselves. Glad you had the courage to post. Everyone who posted!

January 25, 2007
11:13 pm
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mj
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Does anyone know any positive affirmations?

January 25, 2007
11:14 pm
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armyleo
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so how does one go about removing so many 2's. It would be overwhelming to deal with so many. Yet I feel if I work on them one at a time It will take me forever to become un-codependent.

January 25, 2007
11:14 pm
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mj
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I am enough today!

January 25, 2007
11:15 pm
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mj
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If you work a program which is doing the twelve steps, then at step 8, you give them to your HP to take them from you at his will. You just have to be willing.

January 25, 2007
11:17 pm
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mj
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I apologize, its steps 5-7 that takes them away.

January 25, 2007
11:18 pm
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armyleo
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mj."...you give them to your HP to take them from you at his will. You just have to be willing."

That's my problem, I realized I am controlling. However my biggest fear is the loss of control. Like if I'm not in control something bad will happen? Does it make sense.

January 25, 2007
11:19 pm
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ggfred4
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Hi army and mamac..mj, I was curious and began adding up my two's, made me feel awful too. I have a friend who keeps reminding me to think, "one day at a time"...I was thinking last night that if we go back to this book one year from now and rescore, maybe some of those 2's will be 1's and maybe some of those 1's will be 0's...Any change in that direction will be an improvement. It is easy to feel overwhelmed now, but I think after we think about it, we should not keep looking at the scores. We should keep moving ahead in the book. Just think of the characteristics as our groundwork, a starting place...

January 25, 2007
11:19 pm
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mj
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Step 5 is admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

This we just did!

January 25, 2007
11:20 pm
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armyleo
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I never realized I was trying to control...I always thought I was helping the outcome become better.

January 25, 2007
11:21 pm
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mj
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How is the controlling working for you army? Are you willing to try something different? Thats all that is required, a willingness.

I was told that doing an inventory is like getting an accurate picture of where you are at today.

January 25, 2007
11:22 pm
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ggfred4
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Army, I understand what you mean about control. I had started the 12 steps in Coda. Stopped when I got to step 3 or 4, don't remember the #, but just know it is about giving things up to God or a hp. I would love to have this burden off of me, but to give up that control myself...can't do it, at least not yet. I just hope I don't hit rock bottom to make that decision.

January 25, 2007
11:23 pm
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mj
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A grocer takes inventory weekly so he can order products for his shelves. When we look at our characteristics, we are taking stock. Its helpful, not intended to be hurtful. I don't think less of anyone here for having 2's. I do think we progress, not perfection. I agree that it happens one day at a time.

January 25, 2007
11:24 pm
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armyleo
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Hi mj - What are affirmations? Postive thoughts....Don't have dictionary to look up exactly what it means.

gg - you are right - about moving ahead 1 day at a time. When I look at the progressive list, some of those behaviors, I through, 2-3 months ago when I first starting coming to this site. I think on some 2s I can turn to 1s etc.

January 25, 2007
11:25 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Caretaking

Then.... 16 - 2s and at least I have to say is 2+'s.
Now... 2 - 2s.

I had and still have a problem w/ finding myself saying yes when I want to say no and doing things that I really don't want to do. I also feel unappreciated a lot of the time. I was proud of myself yesterday tho. A girl called and asked if I would make 2 star quilts for her. I told her I could not make them but I'd be glad to show her how to do it. 🙂

Low-Self Worth

Then... 21 - 2s.
Now... only 1 - 2.

Repression:

Then... 3 - 2s
Now... no 2s, and mostly all 0s.

Obsession

Then... 7 - 2s
Now... no 2s, and mostly all 0s

Controlling:

Then... 5 - 2s
Now... only 1 - s, and then mostly 1s.

Denial

Then... 9 - 2s
Now... only 2 - 2s and then mostly 1s

Dependency

Then... 16 - 2s
Now... only 1 2 and then the 0 and 1 is equally split.

Poor Communications

Then... 29 - 2s
Now... 5 - 2s and mostly 1s otherwise.

Weak Boundaries

Then... 7 - 2s
Now... 1 - 2 and the rest mostly 1s

Lack of Trust

Then... 5 - 2s
Now... Only 1 - 2

Anger:

Then... 15 - 2s
Now... only 1 - 2 and the rest equally divided.

Sex Problems:

Then: 14 - 2s
Now... only 1 - 2 and the rest mostly 0s

Miscellaneous

Then... 12 0 2s
Now... only 3 - 2s

Progressive

Then... 11 - 2s
Now... almost equally divided between 0 and 1s.

Sorry took so long to get this up Will have to go w/ the explanations in upcoming posts.

January 25, 2007
11:26 pm
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mj
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The twelve steps are a spiritual program. Step one we admit we are powerless over OTHERS, and that our lives have become unmanageable. We aren't giving away our power, self-empowerment, but we are stopping trying to change others, controlling.

January 25, 2007
11:26 pm
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ggfred4
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okay, i have to go, early to rise for work in the a.m. I will read all of your posts tomorrow. I am grateful for having people here to share my thoughts on the book and codependency with. I really learn from what all of you post, so thank you for participating...ttyl.....gg

January 25, 2007
11:28 pm
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mj
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Affirmations are what you say to yourself to make yourself feel better. They reaffirm the positive things about you. Its like a mini shower of energy when you are feeling down.

January 25, 2007
11:28 pm
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armyleo
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"How is the controlling working for you army? Are you willing to try something different?"

I'm not sure what you mean by the first question but as far as the second one...I guess I'm willing to try something different. At first I might bulk and kick, and be uncomfortable and not like it. Little tantrum I guess....Especially if it's painful (emotionally), however, I'm realizing that what I have been doing is not always working.

January 25, 2007
11:29 pm
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mj
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Good night GG and thanks for showing up tonight.

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