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Christian in doubt need help.
December 17, 2009
1:51 am
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I have a story I need to talk about it has really been on my mind here lately. Starting really over 2 yrs ago. When alot of my stress started I believed in my heart that the Lord and I were walking together then I know there is spirtual warfare. I lost my grandparents 5 months apart. It was bad terms in the family I had to leave my grandparents and did not return, We were actually threatened our lifes. I wasn't told when my grandmother died. I just felt like ther was nothing I could do for them it was better I leave them alone. They had deminsia. I really believed in my heart it was best. My stepdad and brother had a big fight it was a mess. My grandparents wanted my moma and her brother to get nothing but did not want to tell them so they told my brother he had to keep him being executor of estate to self. any way did not go right we left state. That was hard being a codie. Anyway we came back home decide some months later to go through invitrofertilization. Boy that took alot out of us we realy prayed and I still believed the Lord open all doors for us in order to have this done. During this we were experiencing some church problems issues whether we should leave or not keep going back and forth and then it got worse. I know now there was alot of unhealthy realationships there. I had a one good friend I realize now she was going through some codependency issues. She wanted to go witnessing. At that time I just had the awfulest thing in my heart telling me No. I didn't listen I went it turned out awful. I just felt like we represented Christ awful. I mean she had watched this show on TV and it gave her some guidelines and she was trying to follow those guidlines and even though I knew I didn't want to be there I tried to explain to her it wasn't working what she was saying people werent understanding I just felt like were hurting more than helping. She got really angry and told me to shut up. Well I pushed that under the rug but inside I was mad at her and I remembered saying I was done. And was unforgiving. I didn't know at the time but I have issues with confrontation and this just sent me over the roof. I have never seen anyone yell at a someone and tell them your going to hell like that. Preachers maybe but I don't know I was just so taken back by it. I have told someone that before but it was under very different and I was very truthful an honest never like that. But later on We ended up that next week having to leave the church over doctorine issues.This other person had left before us But before we left I asked questions about someone and it opened the door for them to basically bash them. That was so wrong. It was one of the hardest things we ever done as a couple I think leaving. Oh during this time we failed at invitro so there was a lot of emotions there. But anyway I have never been so troubled and can't explain what happend one night I had such an scare I never felt so trembling. My spirit was just hurting so bad I felt inside as if I was being whipped almost.All night one night I recited psalm 23 Guilt formed over me asking the question in church about the person. I ended going to them in an email and asking forgiveness for that. Then I ended up having to work through things with my friend. We since have figured out we are both codpendents. Acting on emotions. Well my heart doens't feel like my butt when it used to get whipped now. I have asked God to forgive me but it is just silent. I don't know if its me finding out that Im codependent and going through those issues I have had to look at alot of painful stuff. I have been wondering and just worried about my salvation. It really has upset me the more I see these sins the more I wonder how could i be a christian. Because I did't want to go witnessing did that mean I was ashamed. I was talked into it an didn't go for the right reason I went for codependent reasons. I have been so worried. I truly did have a experience and asked jesus to forgive me. when I was younger 19 I had always believed since I came back to Lord when I was 26. Now Im so confused can't trust my salvation. Its not that I don't trust God I don't trust myself. I am doubting everything. And its so confusing don't know if this is okay to put this on this site. But I have seen alot of people on this side talking about faith. I know I have to have in his word. I have always been thankful and since all this I have just been depressed and down alot.

December 18, 2009
2:14 pm
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StronginHim77
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First of all...you are saved. No matter what you might be FEELING, the Word of God is true and reliable. If you made Jesus Lord of your life and received Jesus as your personal Savior, you are SAVED. End of story.

The accuser (and we know who he is!) will try to whisper into your thought life (and sometimes, scream at us through the people around us!) that you are NOT saved. But that is a lie, straight from the pit of hell, regarding of who it comes through.

This individual who tried dragging you out to "witness" for Jesus, then turned against you and threatened you with fire, brimstone and damnation is bound by spirits of legalism and religion. Do not let these spirits lie to you and pull you down. They are LYING, ok?

We are not saved by "works," by performing all the right good and religious deeds for our loving Father. We are saved by faith in His Son and ONLY by faith in His Son...not by WORKS. Re-read Hebrews 6:1-2; note the reference to "...repentance from dead works..." God has, indeed, warned us not to fall prey to that religious lie.

I hope I can be of more help to you.

Blessings,

- Ma Strong

December 18, 2009
6:36 pm
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MsGuided
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The simple minded will believe anything: but the wise looketh well into everything he does - (Proverbs 14:15)

December 19, 2009
10:57 am
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MsG -

Good one!

- Ma

December 19, 2009
10:40 pm
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hello, Yes thank you, Both for your advice. My friend since has admitted I think she was being pushed to prove something too. Atleast for me that is what I felt like since then she has admitted to that. We both have seen where the word was missinterpreted and yes your right at sometimes it did seem very legalistic, others not. Hindsite is 20/20 in that. I forgave her and made admends so did she with me but now our friendship is harder I know we both know we are co dependent. Plus she does have AdHd and I have never dealt with anyone who has that. So far Im not seeing the difference between that and codependency. I just feel as if Im guessing about my motives on everything not strong about anything anymore. I guess one thing I really do know though is When jesus said Forgive them of there trepasses he meant it.
I guess after sining how long does it take to ever feel like yourself again, or is that the point with codependency When you become aware of it, and see it. Or am I just maybe finding out who I am? Sometimes it sure does feel that way. I guess also maybe Im obessed with looking back tring to figure out what was codependent and what was not. Make since or is that just another codependent thing too. Maybe I just can't let it go that is what my hubby says. Thanks for all your advice.

December 20, 2009
4:42 pm
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StronginHim77
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P.S. Preachers should not be yelling at their congregation & screaming that they are going to hell, either. That is nonsense. It is the "...goodness of God that leads a man to repentance," not someone whacking us over the head with their 10 lbs. King James Bible. I should know. That's not how Jesus got ME and today I am a minister. It was His mercy and kindness that won my heart.

- Ma Strong

December 21, 2009
9:17 pm
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Thanks ma strong, I do believe letting people know about hell and that it is real is necessary but however I am starting to realize that we can use it to maniplulate people into choosing because we want them to. not because the holy spirit is moving them to choose. I have always believe it takes the father to draw people. I had never really seen anyone do that before. I also went back my myself a real mistake but I just felt so horrible I had to apologize but probably ended up looking like a crazy person really. My husband was really upset with me. But Your right Ma strong, I can share what the Lord done for me. I was first married when I was 18 I met a good man for once no drug or anything was involved had a job and wasn't someone who could have been my father's age. Had no idea why he loved me so much. But anyway we were married I had started feeling such overwhelming guilt and wasn't very happy. I should have been shew I finally had a home my husband wanted me to stay home. I choose to quit a temp job and just kinda get settled. Well I just couldn't loose this feeling of guilt of sin. I choose to write my mother ask her for forgiveness that is what I was searching for. forgiveness, I was a mess I couldn't sleep for awhile I would just look into the heavens at night. One day me and hubby went with a friend to look at a birthday gift I was telling that friend what I was going through and I will never forget what that friend said He asked me if I was saved.. I remember in my mind saying Lord what is saved. I will never forget what happened next there was a voice that was so calming,Said you have asked everyone but you havnen't asked me. Nobody had to tell me what that was I can't remember much else. But asking to forgive me. That day was so pretty I can even remember saying it was so beautiful. next thing I remeber my mother in law was asking me if I wanted to go to church I did want to go. That was different for me. I had a preacher ask me if it was a different revelation I didn't know what that meant all I could say was I just needed forgiveness. And as I went own listening to other peoples testimonies people would say they had experiences was being afraid of hell and i never had that . so I guess maybe it was making me think what I experienced maybe wasn't real. but I can't say that I have had other kinda similar experiences with a calming still voice. Its not some voice telling me to do things so don't go there but usally to pray for others or stuff like that. However since this has happened Its just been so lonely feeling. My faith is not the same. I wonder if I have went into dispair and I can't seem to quit it. Thanks Ma strong for listening....

December 23, 2009
4:44 pm
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StronginHim77
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I John states that if we confess our sins to Him, "...He is faithful and just to forgive us." Either His Word is true or it isn't. He is not a man. He does not lie.

It doesn't matter what you FEEL. What matters is His Word...His Truth...His promise to you.

What is making you feel so condemned and despairing?

- Ma

December 24, 2009
8:54 am
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Bumping this up and hoping you will see it and answer. In the meantime, Merry Christmas Eve!

- Ma Strong

December 24, 2009
11:51 pm
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hello, Yes your right today I was trying to pray and the same thing came to me. If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and cleans us from all unrighteousness. Yes that is what I was thinking.. I guess I was unforgiving to my friend at the time and I am having a hard time to believe that he is forgiven me. Now, I guess I am still wondering to if I have forgiven my friend all the way just because we have separated alot since all this has happened. During all the confusing and us leaving the church we were in the middle of a revival I went to the alter I didn't know what was going on I just hurt so bad couldn't understand. when we left the church we were given an invitation through the mail not long aferward to the church I attend now but before that I went to another church and went to the alter and I just felt like I was not getting any answer. Anyway until I went to the church I attend now the pasture talked about he himself being unforgiving to someone and he said he went through a night of being on his knees wondering about his salvation asking God to save him to. He went to the older gentlemen and he told him that he was being unforgiven I knew during that sermon the Lord was talking to me but I didn't go forward then because I didn't trust because I had went and went to the alter. I don't know if I have given up him forgiving me. But not long after I went to my friend and apologized I resented her for not letting me say no, and making feel like I had to prove that I was saved. by going out and visiting. I understand now that I went for the wrong reasons as a codpendent I went to please her not God I see that now, I even believe in my heart God was telling me No. But then I don't trust myself now and a part of me wonders if I was ashamed now Im so confused .. And am dispairing. I just want to believe he has forgiven me but for some reason I just can't or Im scared. A part of me feels like inside Im in shock still. The night I spent on my knees crying out to God was a scary night I guess I worried he turned me over. because I was unforgiven to my friend he is to me know. Just frozen I don't know how to explain it. I know his word is true.. How can someone be so confused. Thanks for listening... ma strong Merry Christmas...

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