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Chapter 10 Codependent No More
March 8, 2007
10:37 pm
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mj
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I underlined on pg117 Are people stomping on our rights? Set some boundaries. Deal with our feelings. Maybe we need to detach, slow down, make an amend, do an intervention, initiate a relationship, or file for divorce. It's up to us. What do we think we need to do?

March 8, 2007
10:40 pm
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mj
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So you want to be appreciated GG and respected. I think that is really great. I appreciate that you are working on yourself and being consistent in this book study. I am proud of you for finishing your book!!!

March 8, 2007
10:43 pm
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mj
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Happy Birthday GG tomorrow! I hope that you have a very Special Day!

March 8, 2007
10:44 pm
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ggfred4
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Well mj, took me 6 mos to get through it and I really need to go back and read everything I highlighted and underlined. Please don't apologize for that question. I love questions that make me think. Bev is good at asking them too. I need them mj...so thanks...honestly...

March 8, 2007
10:46 pm
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mj
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Ok, then I will just be my self and be real then! 🙂 I like not worrying about saying the wrong thing.

I have my book outlined in 3 colors. Each time through I find something new. I have orange, purple, and green outlines and it makes for pretty reading.

So, you can see I read what you posted on the other threads. Want to talk about it?

March 8, 2007
10:47 pm
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ggfred4
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Thanks mj, did you read that on the tumper thread? If so, I am kind of stressed over tomorrow.

Good luck on your job!!!

March 8, 2007
10:49 pm
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mj
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I read on the two different threads you were posting on. I don't really understand what is going on with you and your father for sure but I can tell that it is bothering you.

I think kind of stressed is an understatement.

Thanks for the well wishes.

March 8, 2007
10:49 pm
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ggfred4
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Well, I kind of said it all to bev...I am trying now as we speak to put on that shield of armor to protect myself...make myself numb...whatever works to make things "normal" ....

March 8, 2007
10:52 pm
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ggfred4
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I thought I wrote about him...

March 8, 2007
10:53 pm
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mj
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Could you please explain to me what is normal. I am still trying to figure out that. I was freaking out really bad on Tues and ready to leave my hubby and head to live with my mom. That is what I do when I am stressed. Leave. Instead of acting it out, I talked it out and discovered that I am triggered really bad by people trying to play God in my life.

I am sorry you feel the need to protect yourself and numb out. I know that fear of survival in childhood. As an adult, I still get triggered. Its practice, practice, and more practice for me.

March 8, 2007
10:54 pm
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mj
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Let me go back and read again

March 8, 2007
10:55 pm
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mj
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While I am doing that could you blow out those candles on this imaginary birthday cake, and cut me a slice..... Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to GG, Happy BDay dear GG, Happy Birthday to you!

March 8, 2007
11:00 pm
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mj
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Ok, I just read it. May I give you a hug?

March 8, 2007
11:03 pm
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mj
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No wonder you are so anxious. I would be too. Once we start recovering it is hard to not be real and stand up for ourselves. Do your parents have to stay with you? Can't you suggest a hotel while you work through these feeling and how you want to handle this?

I had a step-dad who was creepy. He would ask me to sit on his lap. You get the drift..... I can empathize with you 100 % .

March 8, 2007
11:03 pm
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ggfred4
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thanks mj...you are so sweet...

About your comment about you leaving and not acting...I would always retreat into myself...we have our survival methods...

March 8, 2007
11:03 pm
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mj
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Maybe armour is needed?

March 8, 2007
11:05 pm
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mj
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I can understand why you would retreat into yourself. It is safer than childhood was.

March 8, 2007
11:06 pm
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ggfred4
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No, I wouldn't dare suggest a hotel. OMG, I would be scared to see their reaction...my mom hurt, my dad ANGRY!!! I will just have to survive this...

March 8, 2007
11:07 pm
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mj
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Ok, what puzzles me most about being adult is that as an adult we don't have to suffer at the hand of our parents any longer. We choose spouses to recreate the childhood drama with so we can maintain the familiar. Is your hubby like one of your parents? Who invited your parents for your birthday?

March 8, 2007
11:08 pm
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mj
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My mom would be insulted as well and I would never make her stay in a hotel. Fortunately, she has only been where I live twice in 13 years. I make my annual trek to her home.

March 8, 2007
11:14 pm
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mj
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Pg. 116

This insane business of punishing ourselved for wht we think, feel, and want-this nonsense of not listening to who we are and what ourselves are struggling to tell us- must stop.

We can be gentle with ourselves and accept ourselves. Listen to what our precious self is telling us about what we need.

OK, today, I didn't listen to my precious self, and I went along with hubby's need for me to work because I didn't want to displease him. That is honest!

March 8, 2007
11:16 pm
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mj
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I am not strong enough to ask for what I truly need. I need to be able to stay at home and not work at a minimum wage job. For me, working for minimum wage is like admitting I am a failure in life. I am right back where I was when I left home at age 16.

March 8, 2007
11:17 pm
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ggfred4
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Good question mj...is my husband like my parents? Geez I hope not, but he can lean towards my dad's side...My parents called and said they were coming for my birthday. That is the norm for them...

March 8, 2007
11:18 pm
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mj
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They didn't inquire if you had other plans?

March 8, 2007
11:21 pm
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ggfred4
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You are NOT a failure!!! I understand why you are thinking that though. Let me get this straight...You did not want to work? Did he push you to do this and you are just complying? Do you mind me asking your age? I am sorry if you gave this info previously, but I get people's info confused sometimes on this site...

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