Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
Chapter 10 Codependent No More
March 5, 2007
12:40 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Live YOUR own Life!

Live and Let Live

The quickest way to become sane and happy is to tend to our own affairs.

Activity: How do you feel about yourself? Write about it. Include the things you like or don't like about yourself. Reread what you have written.

March 5, 2007
12:44 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ok, now that I have had a love affair with myself Chpt. 11, I will correct my error and type the activity for chapter to 10! I must have needed that! 🙂

As you go through the days ahead, stop and ask yourself what you need to do to take care of yourself. Do it often as you need to but do it at least once daily.

What do you need from the people around you? At an appropriate time, sit down with them and discuss what you need from them.

March 5, 2007
6:31 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Mj for taking over this chapter # 10. I am in for the discussion, sooner or later. Gimme sometime and I will get back to you.

I hope more folks would join in!

See you later!

March 5, 2007
7:12 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I realized today that I am doing this study to help me change behaviors like stopping controlling others and start caring for myself.

I pulled out my copy of Beyond Codependency and getting better all the time! I am in process of writing my story.

Today, I needed Sunshine, Fresh Air, and some Sugar. I got out of the house and lunched with a friend and her daughter and went walking on the beach. I communicated with my husband about a few issues that we are having so we could try and solve a problem. I did my domestic goddess duties that help me be responsible to myself and my relationship and I talked to several friends and had a few laughs. I feel so much better and hopefully I will make it to my online meeting tonight!

Hanging out with people in recovery and supportive loving people is what I need. Thanks RAS for sharing!

March 5, 2007
7:19 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

We've discussed ways of learning how to react differently using detachment. After we have taken our grip off from other people, we are left with ourselves.

"After I detached and took responsibility for myself, I wondered, maybe other people weren't the reason I hadn't been living my own life; maybe they were just the excuse I needed. My destiny- my todays and tomorrows- looked pretty glum."

It is my life to create, enjoy, and be responsible for myself. The freedom to choose and the consequences and the rewards for said choices. What a freeing thought. I want a hopeful destiny, today and tomorrow looks pretty exciting.

I get to choose how to take care of myself. Today was a Good Day.

March 5, 2007
7:45 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good for you MJ!!! I always find that the simplest pleasures in life are the most Profound to our happiness and bliss!

I find that when I worry TOO much about someone or something, I become unhappy or Melody has wisely stated "insane."

Therefore, when I started to uncodep, I began to attend to my own needs. I found out that doing what I love to do...being with the right kind of people and friends, getting honest with my self is more important than upsetting or worrying too much about what people would think or say.

Being around true authentic friends, being vulnerbale with them, letting the mask fall off is always a blessing to me & a sign that I am around "true friends."

The time I take to unwind and enjoy every moment with it is worth the trouble. It could be coffee break; baking some cookies; playing with my adorable kitty; listening to soft music; fixing a candle-lit supper.

In fact this is how I detached from my previous male friend. At 1st, I found it so difficult. Now, I've come along way. Thanks to all my friends at (((AAC)))!!!

More to come!

March 5, 2007
10:27 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

🙂 Thanks for sharing this Ras. I like that, being around true authentic friends, being vulnerable. I love your examples of enjoying life.

March 6, 2007
11:57 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Live my own Life. What does this mean today? Does it mean to accept a position/job because that is what my husband wants me to do because he wants help with our bills. Does it mean allowing my husband behind the scene info on if I get the job? Does it mean Moving ON? How do I live my own life when my life has not been my own. Does it mean standing up for my rights to choose how and what I do? Does it mean that I am good enough and that my husband wants me to work so he can enjoy more of the things he wants?

If I had a life, what would it look like?

March 8, 2007
2:56 pm
Avatar
ggfred4
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mj, I am going to try and join later, book isn't with me and I have read it and highlighted some points. I am proud of your perservence here!!!

gg

March 8, 2007
4:21 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks GG! I am not planning on being here tonight for the book study. Got other plans!

March 8, 2007
5:04 pm
Avatar
bevdee
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MamaC- I wanted to send you a hug. I hope you are feeling ok?

(((MamaC)))

Bevdee

March 8, 2007
10:15 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi, back sooner than I thought.

Is anyone here for the book study tonight?

March 8, 2007
10:18 pm
Avatar
ggfred4
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i am here mj...

March 8, 2007
10:18 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi GG!!!!!!

March 8, 2007
10:20 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for being here!

I just read "We may be in so much emotional distress we think we have no life." I was there a few days ago. All I had was my pain.

March 8, 2007
10:21 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It says, we need to and can develop our own lives. Get a life!

How are you doing?

March 8, 2007
10:21 pm
Avatar
ggfred4
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I finally just finished the whole book. I went back to Chapter 10 and almost laughed at what I wrote as answers to the questions:

2.What do you need from the people around you? This is what I wrote last year.....YEAH! SURE!

March 8, 2007
10:24 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I also like reading, "Self care is an attitud towards ourselves and our lives that says, I am responsible for myself. I am responsible for tending to my spiritual, emotional, physical, and financial well being."

I got a job today! I set a new years resolution to become financially responsible. After much worry, obsessing, back and forth through the process of extremes, I committed today to working and I start Tues!

March 8, 2007
10:24 pm
Avatar
ggfred4
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I had underlined these sentences last year from page 116...Some of us even began to believe our needs are bad or wrong, so we've learn to repress them and push them out of our awareness. We haven't learn to identify what we need, or listen tp wjat we meed because it didn't matter anyway.... THIS IS ME!

March 8, 2007
10:25 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

So what would you write today?

March 8, 2007
10:27 pm
Avatar
ggfred4
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good question mj...give me a sec...tell me about your job and I will try to answer..I still have been haunted by the question last week...What are you afraid of?

March 8, 2007
10:28 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Today, I asked my hubby to discuss this job with me before I made the commitment. He was so stressed out and I decided that I needed to decide for myself. I asked for him to take me out tonight to celebrate. He did. Its fun to ask for what you want especially when we get the reply YES!

March 8, 2007
10:32 pm
Avatar
ggfred4
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

What I need from the people around me...hmmm...I want to say I wish they would leave me alone and let me discover myself and just back off. But realistically, I need people to respect me, even appreciate me? I am thinking of my immediate family. I need them to realize that I am a person...I have needs too...allow me some space... that is all that i can think of now.

March 8, 2007
10:33 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Its a job in a big retail store. It starts out slightly above minimum wage. It is part-time and I will be schedule between the hours of 6-11 7 days a week and the schedule comes out weekly and is subject to change with a guarantee of 20 hrs. a week. I will be responsible for apparel, cosmestics, shoes, customer service, stocking, hanging clothes, fitting rooms, straightening, display, and lots of other stuff. I am required to dress professionally.

I just asked what are you afraid of cause usually if we can name our fear we can address the problem and find solutions. I am sorry it haunted you.

March 8, 2007
10:35 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for sharing that GG!

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
23
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111138
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
OsbornWebb, alpino12, Warnisses, degastro, kojuyu, NathanielClark
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information