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Cecelbrate Recovery
October 14, 2009
1:47 pm
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Terriberry
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I am so sorry to hear about your nephew.

October 20, 2009
10:13 am
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Terriberry
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Bitsy, ... how are you this week ?

October 20, 2009
10:59 am
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So-So. Once again I didn't get to go to CR last Friday night. I am trying to focus on work this week. I have been a little sad and lonely but I am trying. How are you? What is going on in your life these days?

Bitsy

October 21, 2009
11:31 am
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Terriberry
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Hey Bitsy,

Sorry to hear your feeling sad and loney. This week has been good for the most part. I felt very vunverable after sharing with the leaders this week.

It is one thing to share things with you on site like this. It is another thing to completely be transparent about painful, childhood issues
of sexual abuse, and it's effects.

In front of people you go to church with. And I didnt go into nearly as much detail as I have with you.

I have been blessed since doing so, and now know with out a doubt, that I am in a safe place with safe people I can share with, for the first time in my life. It's pretty amazing, aslo to realize how they show me the love of Jesus, by there accepting for who I am, something most of my own family couldn't do.

I have been also working on my testimony this week, and that is something that has also been a surprising experince. I am, also realizing how much I really went thru and how strong the Lord is making me now. Great Stuff!!

How about you Bitsy, how are things ...you and Cat ? What has your week been like? Your turn to share.

October 21, 2009
12:56 pm
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Like I said I have been lonely and a bit down, but have been feeling like, even I, am tired of my own story. I received an email from an on-line friend who said she once had a priest who asked her if she ever wondered about all the little frustrations that derailed her? Was it Satan trying to keep her from God's work? She asked me what work is it that God has in store for me that I keep hitting all these obstacles? Financially I am stressed. Emotionally I am flat-lined and personally? I just don't know. I did happen to see R last week. We passed each other on the highway. I am sure he didn't see me but I was always "tuned in" to his location and I spotted him. I am ashamed to admit that he looked awful and it made me feel better.

Bitsy

October 21, 2009
2:37 pm
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Terriberry
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Hey Sweetie,

Your right, none of really know what God has in store for us. But we can rely on his promises. He does promise that the plans he has are for those that believe in him are good.

I was reading my daily devotional. This seems so fitting, for you right now. I hope you dont mind that I posted here to share with you.

October 21, 2009

Who Goes There?
ODB RADIO: Listen Now | Download
READ: John 10:1-6

When he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them; and the sheep follow him. —John 10:4

Last fall my wife, Carolyn, and I were driving up a winding mountain road near our home in Idaho when we came across a large flock of sheep moving down the road toward us. A lone shepherd with his dogs was in the vanguard, leading his flock out of summer pasture into the lowlands and winter quarters.

We pulled to the side of the road and waited while the flock swirled around us. We watched them until they were out of sight, then I wondered: Do sheep fear change, movement, new places?

Like most older folks, I like the “fold”—the old, familiar places. But all is shifting and changing these days; I’m being led out, away from familiar surroundings and into a vast unknown. What new limits will overtake me in the coming days? What nameless fears will awaken? Jesus’ words from John 10 come to mind: “When he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them” (v.4).

We may well be dismayed at what life has for us this year and next, but our Shepherd knows the way we’re taking. And He goes before. He will not lead us down paths too dangerous or too arduous where He cannot help us. He knows our limits. He knows the way to green pasture and good water; all we have to do is follow. — David H. Roper

Child of My love, fear not the unknown morrow,
Dread not the new demand life makes of thee;
Thy ignorance doth hold no cause for sorrow
Since what thou knowest not is known to Me. —Exley

Our unknown future is secure in the hands of our all-knowing God.

October 21, 2009
2:44 pm
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Terriberry
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Aslo, I am most forgot, try not to feel to bad, for how you intially felt, when you saw him.

He has put you through alot of pain. that you are trying to work through. It is good your recoginzed that isnt the best thing to do. So, now just let it go.

(((( Fat Hugs))))

October 21, 2009
3:53 pm
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Thanks 😉

Bitsy

October 22, 2009
11:46 am
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I have been....discombobulated---is that even a word? this week. I am jittery and unsettled and don't quite know how to explain it...

Bitsy

October 23, 2009
8:16 pm
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I didn't get to go tonight. Soem things happened today and I probably should have gone. I am just so tired. So etired of my life, so tired of feeling the way I feel. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am sich and tired fo myslef.

Bitsy

October 23, 2009
9:46 pm
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MsGuided
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(((Bitsy)))

I don't know what to say to help you But here goes anyway.

I don't believe in religion as you do. I think it leaves too many gaps, allows for hypocrisies. The bible is full of contradictions and absurdities for me.

I feel like an ancient Celtic Warrior sometimes. Women who had rights and power before Xtianity took it all away.

Power isn't specific to gender at all.

This isn't about altering your religious view, but how to tap into your POWER! You have it girl so embrace and nurture it.

Cat needs you. Your purpose in life must come from deep within. You have lots of power and need to tap into that somehow.

Victimization happens but it doesn't have to become a total identity. Recognize danger and protect yourself. Feel good about that.

Only a good man can define you, empower you. A bad one steals and squanders your power.

Visa versa applies also.

R was a bad one. Get that through your head. Throw all his shit back at him and be done with it. Take your power back!

Make the switch from victim to survivor!

So, a few days ago i felt AWFULL. DiscomBOOBulated, giving up, beating myself up. Just like you are now. I go up and down and it all hinges on my activity level. I hate myself when i get like that.

I got out and exercised. That set me straight again.

I allowed myself to wallow a few days. I let myself slip. I wouldn't walk the dog even! Exercise, proper diet, and digging deep, tapping into my power are what alleviates my depression. Positive social interaction helps too but not like exercise. Not allowing others negative energy to drag me down. As soon as i sit idle for a few days I sink into a deep pit. My mind plays awful tricks on me. I get sick of myself too. It's an illness and needs to be treated consistantly.

I won't take anti-depressents and found other ways to cope.

Getting my blood pumping is the only thing that lifts me up out of all the crap life throws my way. There's LOTS of CRAP!

You have to go to your meetings, get active physically and let those natural endorphins flow. Masturbate! Whatever! Get the adrenaline pumping. Exercise is the best natural SAFE healthy anti-depressant. It will clear your head to battle the storms.

What physical activity do you enjoy and fits into your lifestyle/budget? Can you incorporate play with your daughter. You have a pet to walk and run with at the park. You can turn on an exercise program on TV. Morning yoga or aerobics. Something fun and vigorous that even Cat can jion in. She can learn some healthy lifestyle choices. Pop a morning exercise program on, before she goes to school, and it could help start your day on a good note.

Try to force yourself out even when you feel depressed. Maybe one of your support groups has somebody you can connect with, to remind you, with a call, or join you, like a personal trainer in Biggest Loser?

Yea. Yell at you to get your butt in gear!LOL.or gently nudge?

Something, find something that fits you.

My job is very physical. I'm lucky exercise is part of that and it isn't a desk job. I mean it is like Boot camp physical. Not 15 to 30 minutes, but 5 to 8 hours! Sometimes I hate it, but for the most part it saves my life! When i get physical it is like the sun comes out and reveals all the positive things within and outside of me. I go from being depressed to feeling good within 30 minutes. Then it is sustained for days.

I get relief! I need to maintain that moreso now than ever! I'm pre-menopausal.Ha HA!

Every person who battles depression and every clinical study proves this to be true! Exercise relieves depression.

Yes You can do it!

Be Well! You ARE valuable and beautiful!

October 23, 2009
10:24 pm
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Thank you MsG. I cried as I read your post. I really truly do want to get my life together. I know that sometimes around here we think people are wallowing in self pitty. that isn't the case here. I don't want to be in the valley. i want to be on the mountaintop. Thank you for your words of encouragement.

Bitsy

October 23, 2009
10:47 pm
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I have reached out to several of the people in my real life tonight but no one is available. thank you for being here.

Bitsy

October 24, 2009
3:24 pm
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Hi (((Bitsy)))

I'm glad you took the post well.

I'm not saying your wallowing. You are trying, but life has handed you some blows.

Depression is no joke.It's an illness like any other and needs to be treated properly.

Exercise can cost nothing, is really the best method to fight it ( along with affirmations)The benefits stretch into other areas.

Hope your weekend goes well!

October 26, 2009
3:44 pm
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Terriberry how are you today?

Bitsy

October 26, 2009
3:52 pm
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Hey Bitsy,

Feeling a bit down myself today. Coming down with a cold I think. Wishing I had somebody to cuddle up with and make me some homemade soup.

I think MSG gave you a lot of good advice about getting out and starting a execrise program for yourself, I think it would help to lift your spirits.

How are you...?

October 26, 2009
4:30 pm
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I wrote on the other side. I have two threads R sent message through facebook and Fantas here is the question.

I have had a productive day and have what could turn into a listing appointment Thursday Whoo hoo.

Bitsy

October 31, 2009
9:25 am
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I went to CR last night. It dredged up memories of sitting in church telling God something was wrong with my marriage, would He please fix it or help me fix it. It also touched on the betrayal of being cheated on. I admitted to the group of women that I don't feel sexy or womanly. The lies and deception robbed me of a big part of me.

Bitsy

November 2, 2009
1:04 pm
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Terriberry
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Yes, we can be robbed of our self esteem, by other people who wound us.
I have been struggling with that too. In more ways then I would like to admit. I don't feel sexy, I dont feel womanly, I dont even know if I want another realtionship, again. I dont feel like I could ever get anybodys attention, that way again. Even if I did try.

And if by some act of God somebody did show and interest in me, that would bring up a whole bunch of other stuff, I am still trying to work threw. So, I am learning to be content, with just being me....,

I was reading over the weekend in my Life Recovery bible, something that said, that because of the background of abuse our self esteem can be low. But what we need to concenrate on is more how GOD views us than how other people do.

So right now, I will just focus on that, and work on becoming the woman God has called me to be.

November 2, 2009
1:24 pm
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Good for you!!!!! I posted exactly what I said in my meeting on here if you want to read it. I persnally have no self esteem but I did do some things for me this weekend and had a good cry.

Bitsy

November 2, 2009
1:45 pm
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Bitsy -

I just wanted you to know that I have been following your threads. I am going to read about your meeting now.

- Ma

November 3, 2009
1:26 pm
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Hi Bitsy!

I'm having a hard time finding all your posts.

One i did see was about having your after TG gathering.

Regardless of our pain, i think it's important to still make an effort to put our best foot forward. Show generosity and appreciation toward others who are SAFE. Do the things that we enjoy.

Mask time ya know?LOL

Where's mine BTW? I'm having a hard time getting motivated to go out.

November 3, 2009
1:32 pm
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MsG: I have So R sent a message on Facebook, What I said at my meeting last night, and Fantas this is the question--bitsy. Then I have been posting on your thread.

Bitsy

November 3, 2009
1:32 pm
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MsG: I have So R sent a message on Facebook, What I said at my meeting last night, and Fantas this is the question--bitsy. Then I have been posting on your thread.

Bitsy

November 3, 2009
1:34 pm
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K, thanx!

I'll check on the other side.

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