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Cecelbrate Recovery
September 26, 2009
8:39 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Hello all. I attended the celebrate recovery meeting last night. I shared that I have come to the understanding that "love thy neighbor as thyself" means I have to love me first before I can love you as I do myself. I kind of had that shattered the other day in a Christian Bible study on parenting. That we are to teach our children not to be egotistical and self love leads to egotism. I also shared that what brought me there was a refusal to forgive R. That he had really hurt me and robbed me of (ME). That when I say a truck like he drove it was like an arrow piercing my heart or that I had listed a condo for a man who has the same name and when I have to call him and type his name in my phone it stabs at my heart, but that sometime this week I realized it didnn't hurt as much, and that I was moving more to the center of feeling. It doesn't hurt as much, but I am not all the way over to the other side where I forgive him. I just have a neutral feeling. Making sense to you guys? The group leader suggested that I enter the step study which right now I can't do as that is another night away from home and I have to be a mother to Cat every now and then 😉 or that I get a sponsor who can take me through the steps. What all is involved in getting a sponsor? How does that work? What is the relationship with a sponsor? Someone explain all of this to me? They suggested that I pray about it this week.

Thansk for listening.

Bitsy

September 28, 2009
12:00 pm
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Terriberry
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Hi Bisty, and Peace4All,

Bisty, I dont think that I am spliting hairs with the question I asked peace4all. Many people truely feel that if they do good enough or try hard enough in their own efforts
that all it takes, to do have recovery in there lives.

I was going to point out the same things that Peace4all said in her reponse,

" we must surrender our will to him, I believe in letting go of our willfulness and giving our will back to him we can be healed."

" when we continue to hold onto our own will we continue to act as if we are in power, "

Because this leads us to the first step, in CR

"Realizing that we are not GOD, and that are lives have become unmanageable".

Peace4all,

No need to apologize, thanks for clarifying.

Bisty, I think your making perfect sense in your comments. I glad to hear your heart is not hurting as much over R. I also understand that netural feeling you are having. The bigger the hurt the longer it takes sometimes to forgive. Contuine to ask God to help you with this. It is ok, to feel how you feel. Healing takes time, dont rush you self through it.

I agree, that you need to take care of yourself. And again I think your right when you say you must be able to love yourself before you can love somebody else as you do yourself.

I think is something that gets completely mistunderstood, by people all the time.

Step Study meetings, are really a good thing to do. They dig deeper and help you work on underlying issues in a safe small group. They go through work books, and it is a commitment to your time. But well worth the investment.
In a small group, you end up having a small net work of freinds to help you through diffuclt times. There is a bond that grows over time.

If you dont have the time to spare another night during the week, than I think working through the steps with a sponser is the next best thing.

A sponser is somebody who has been through the 12 steps already, and has some recovery behind them, and is working the program. They are there in addition to the small group. They
will walk you through the 4 step
(your inventory).

Do you have somebody in your group that has simialar issues as you do? Do they have a simailar struggle as you. Do they have some of the same issues you are working on ? Do you think they have had success in the program? Do you think could possibly trust to share some of the the really personal things you are struggling with?

If so then this might be the person to ask to be your sponser.

My realtionship with my sponser is growing into a freindship. She has been in a 12 step program (Al-non) for 22 yrs. She is helping me work my steps and keeps me focus on my recovery. She helps me when I get stuck, offers suggestions,and doesnt let me stay in my pitty partys that I like to throw every now and then.

It is a wonderful blessing in my reovery. It will be for you as well, hope this answers your questions.

tb

September 28, 2009
3:48 pm
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Thanks for the response Terriberry. I just read on another thread that the opposite of love wasn't hate it was indifference. I need to explore that a little more. I loved R with my whole heart and had never loved a man the way I loved him. He hurt me and I hated him and nursed that hate. It is what helped me start getting over him. I do think I am moving more towards indifference now. I will let you know.

Bitsy

September 28, 2009
5:21 pm
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Terriberry
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I'm not sure what other thread your refering to. I do think exploring your feelings is good.

To me indiffence means, just not caring one way or another. To me it doesnt mean you hate the person. It mean that your not going to contuine to let if affect you in a good or bad way. Does that make sense..?

September 28, 2009
8:17 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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Absolutely! Your life continues and it is as if the other person no longer exists in you sphere. I really think it would be a great place for me to just not give a damn about anything that happens to him. I eventually will wish him no ill will

Bitsy

September 29, 2009
11:08 am
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Terriberry
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((( Bisty)))) !

Boy oh Boy, do I get you sister !!! You will get there, by the way how long has it been with the whole thing happen with R ?

September 29, 2009
11:30 am
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It all came to a head in April of 2008, but I was on a rollercoaster ride. I thought I was going to have to file bankruptcy, my dad got sick and died. R was cheating on me. He kept calling me. I finally sent him an email in October of last year telling him to leave me alone NO CONTACT. Timewise I should be over it, but I am not. I haven't had sex with anyone since September or October of last year when I made a mistake and had sex with with Mr.Bossman one last time. I ended up in tears telling him to leave. I haven't been out with a man since the last date I had with R in April of 2008. I have lost my "womanliness" I have had to struggle through all of the last year mainly by myself and coming here. Every now and then something will leak through like him telling mutual friends that he still loves me and misses me but I don't want him to contact me. Bullshit...he is living with the other woman. He is hers now not mine. I was wounded and everything hurt me. We are coming up on two festivals in my area that are in October that he and I always attended. Last year I tried to go to one but the mutual friends were going with him so I stayed home. This year I have no desire to go or even mention it to anyone. I think for the most part I am over most of it, but I want to make sure I am good and healed.

Bitsy

September 29, 2009
12:00 pm
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Hey Bisty,

Sorry to hear about the lost of your Dad. Wow it sounds like you have been threw a whole lot during the last year. There is no time limit to healing, the bigger and deeper the wound the longer I think it takes to heal. I'm sorry to hear your struggling by yourself. I too, have felt all alone. This site, and CR, have helped me threw some of the most diffuclt times in my life. My prayer is that you find some life time close freind in CR, that are like minded, and are on the road to recovery. God does not want us to go threw these things alone. Try not to isolate your self. Reach out even if it feels uncomfortable, before you know it, you'll be surrounded by a new group of loving freinds.

Make a new tradition, go do something that you always to do, but didnt try it for whatever reason.

God is with you Bisty, your not alone.

September 29, 2009
12:12 pm
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thank you for the kind words of inspiration. Would you go over the the other side and read my thread about loneliness and the answers I gave to the questions Bonni asked and give me your thoughts? Thanks again. {{{{{{terriberry}}}}}

Bitsy

September 29, 2009
12:25 pm
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Terriberry
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ok... honey sure, (((Bisty))).

September 29, 2009
4:29 pm
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Terriberry
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ok... I commented.

September 29, 2009
5:40 pm
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I read it. Thanks.

Bitsy

September 30, 2009
2:59 pm
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Terriberry
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How ya doing today Bitsy ?

September 30, 2009
3:43 pm
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Terriberry
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Bitsy,

Check out the Billy's Angels thread, and let me know your guess !!!!

September 30, 2009
3:43 pm
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Bitsy,

Check out the Billy's Angels thread, and let me know your guess !!!!

September 30, 2009
3:56 pm
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robbie2007
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just wanted to stop by here and say hi.

October 1, 2009
1:07 pm
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Terriberry
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Hi Robbie2007,

Thanks for joining our thread.
So have you heard of CR ?

October 1, 2009
2:13 pm
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Hi Terriberry

no, bitsy invited me over here. I'm going thru a lot right now and Bitsy has been supportive to me and told me to come check out this thread.

October 1, 2009
2:22 pm
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So, sorry to hear your going thur alot. Feel like talking... ?

October 1, 2009
2:22 pm
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Terriberry
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So, sorry to hear your going thur alot. Feel like talking... ?

October 1, 2009
2:23 pm
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Opps! double posted .... sorry....
I hate it when that happens. 😉

October 1, 2009
2:30 pm
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no. i think im all talked out at the moment. i need to rest. i have written alot on my 2 threads on the other side - Discouraged about weight loss efforts and, The loss of my mother - Figuritively Speaking.

What is CR about?

October 1, 2009
4:14 pm
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CR is a 12 step recovery program that recognizes that Jesus Christ is the Higher Power. I have only been going for 4 weeks but can already see a change in my stinkin' thinkin'. You have dinner together and fellowship, then you have an hour long group where there are songs of worship, a testimonial or lesson, then they pass out chips. Then you break into small groups and discuss things in more detail. You can google it and get information online from Saddleback church in California where it started. They have groups for eating disorders (over OR under), codependency, substance abuse, porno addiction. They break the men and women into two groups and then break those two groups into smaller groups. Terriberry has been at it longer than I have and can probably explain it better. I personally am among the frozen chosen religiously so I don't dance and sing and clap my hands like some around me, but with your musical abilities they may be glad to have you join the musical groups.

Bitsy

October 2, 2009
6:47 pm
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Going again tonight.

Bitsy

October 5, 2009
10:35 am
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Terriberry
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Hey Bisty,

How was Friday night for you.

Hi,
Robbie 2007

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