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blackout
November 19, 2009
10:36 am
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stringtwanger
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My Wife drank again and spent two nites in a hotel room with someone but does not remember who or what she did she spent 350 dollers though could she be telling the truth?

November 19, 2009
11:36 am
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stringtwanger
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November 19, 2009
11:56 pm
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lovinglife
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StringT

An addiction is a nasty thing...for the addict as well as the addicts partner.

Sure she could be telling the truth on whether she remembers who/what... But honestly what does that matter?? She's an addict.

The question really is...what are you going to do to take care of you?

November 20, 2009
8:07 am
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stringtwanger
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I know but how do I get rid of the anger?

November 20, 2009
8:53 am
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lovinglife
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Stringt

For your issue, the best side to post on here is on the support threads...however on the support threads theres a guideline to keep discussions including any religious mention to this side (where we are now on AAC - liberation brew threads)...SO if you want to keep god as part of your discussion - stay here or if you are looking for more support head over to the support threads.

In the meantime...it sounds like you're dealing with an addict...Have you ever gone to an Alonon meeting? And I understand what you are talking about regarding the anger...part of dealing with the anger is educating yourself on what you're dealing with.

November 20, 2009
11:39 am
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stringtwanger
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Wwith out the lord in my life there would be no answers I will stay here as Peter said were else shall we go?

November 20, 2009
1:21 pm
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lovinglife
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OK..so its the libs side you will stay : )

A couple of questions...

First how did you find AAC? And is the first time you've sought out answers, help to what you are going through? Just curious. And how long have you been together with your wife?

I was once upon a time married to an alcoholic…I understand the confusion, the anger, the insanity of life, wanting to help the person I loved, wanting to believe everything BUT the truth right in front of my face. I don’t have any answers for you – although I am willing to listen (read!) if you need to do some venting.

All I can really suggest and encourage at this time is checking into attending Alanon… It helped me know I wasn’t alone… in your story you will find it’s very similar (though circumstances are different) to others going through the same thing (as well as on here)….

Alcoholism is a very wicked disease for both the suffer and those directly affected… but if you can start making some sense out of what is going on around you… it will help.

Hope you stick around.

LL : )

November 20, 2009
1:54 pm
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stringtwanger
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We have been living together for about 2 and a half years married one year this sept. before we got married she was clean for about 9 months 5 months before we got married she whent to a christion rehab for 3 months she got saved about 4 weeks before rehab after we got married she stop drinking for until her dad got cancer and one of her older children stating having emotional problem she fooled her self cause she had not drank for over a year so she thought she could have a drink her ex drinks and keep alcohol in the house so it was right in frount of her when she visited her older 12 and 15 year old children she is doing very well now for 6 months I THINK SHE HAS LEARNED HER LESSEN ITS ME THAT IS STROUGLING WITH ANGER AND HURT FROM THE PAST

November 20, 2009
2:26 pm
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lovinglife
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I'm apologize but I'm a little confused...she just recently drank- was gone for two nights but in the last 6 months she's been doing well (up until that point)???

Doesn't surprise me that its somewhat confusing to follow AS its the nature of the disease... pure insanity.

OK... so your current anger and hurt is stemming from the past...(before this lastest incident)??...however you're being 'triggered' currently because of her recent actions??

November 21, 2009
6:56 am
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stringtwanger
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yes thats it when see drinks it makes me worry cause she does not know what she is doing and it hurts

November 21, 2009
9:06 am
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stringtwanger
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My wife has other esues fibromialga and prahyperthyroidism a lot of pain also the last time she drnk 6 months ago she was coming off a staroid aqnd she told me she did not as in inlove me but the next morning she could not remember saying it and she said she does love me I think the meds and alcohol just through her into a state of confussion when she drinks she become a whole different person even speaks with a different voice and sometime uses a different name I think it is demonicly inspired she spent 7 year bing drinking I think this has damieged her brain she allso has hep c not active just that she had come in contact with it 8 years ago she was shotting coke and doing crack She loves the Lord now I think we are going to make it

November 21, 2009
9:45 am
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lovinglife
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Have you been to couples counseling through your church? What denomination are you?

I had a tough getting over my anger regarding my exh…I tried everything (before I knew what the problem was – his drinking)… I think I would have been able to forgive him and move on with maybe a few resentments popping up here and there but he continued to drink…. Never had enough time to heal, forgive and move on… So for my own sanity I HAD to divorce him - seperate myself.

So the last time she drank was 6 months ago?? Does she attend AA or any other support group?

As far as you… I believe that people can move forward from past issues (us humans are pretty resilient) but the main issue(’s) need to be resolved first. If she is not actively using that’s a good first step towards helping the relationship as well as helping you with your issues that resulted from it (the anger).

November 21, 2009
10:08 am
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lovinglife
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Its debatable whether when one is under the influence their demonically controlled/possessed/inspired etc.,

When my exh would walk through the door after drinking that is what I felt – like he had the devil sitting on his shoulder saying … “See I can get into your home pretty dern easy this way… and I'm coming in to cause LOTS of problems for you and your family...” My exh was a totally different person when he drank (he still is drinking to this day) – VERY icky person because of alcohol.

The insanity of those moments, the insanity of life, the COMPLETE difference in personality …makes one wonder.

November 23, 2009
10:19 am
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stringtwanger
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do you think she knew what she was doing but is not telling the truth?

November 23, 2009
10:08 pm
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_anonymous
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stringtwanger- she knew but due to the inebriated state she was in she didnt care.

The truth and an alcoholic just dont go together.

In other words all addicts and alcoholics LIE.

November 23, 2009
11:53 pm
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hopeinhim
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Hey there,

She could be telling the truth, or just saying she blacked out. Blackouts are pretty alarming, and they are real.

I suffer them regularly when I drink, and I don't even have to drink large ammounts.

Then, some people can suffer blackouts only a time, or two in their life. I know for me, it is obvious when I drink, or it should be, to other people. I don't remember spending money, sending emails, phone conversations. It is scary, and I hate it.

I guess I would evaluate whether or not she seems alarmed, or puzzled by it, or if she seems just defensive and trying to cease your questions. I know when I have a blackout, I try to piece things together to find out if anything awful happened.

A blackout is when there is not enough oxygen getting to the brain due to the depressed state from the alcohol. Sometimes, parts of a drinking episode can be recalled; but, for the most part it is impossible.

I hope this helps.

Hope

November 24, 2009
12:33 am
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lovinglife
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Question Stringt - would she do something like that sober? Probably not. Is she telling the truth that she doesn't remember? I don't know -for one I've never experienced a black out - but have a close friend who has and often does when she drinks.

Until recently I could never understand an addiction (other than mountain dew and cigarettes)...I was so horribly mean to my exh out of my hurt and anger. I just couldn't grasp what would be so strong and have such a hold on someone that it would make a person lie, would make a person hurt their family, hurt their loved ones, and make a person do things very risky... Unfortunately today I understand what an addiction is like and wouldn't wish it on anyone. I hope to never again experience an addiction OR be on the other end of things - to love an addict.

November 24, 2009
12:47 am
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lovinglife
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oh and from my season of being an addict: The one thing I learned was those people closet to me that I was deeply hurting during that time - it was never personal against them - (I always took it personally when my alcoholic exh would let me down, would hurt me. I had alot of anger towards him.)

Bottom line, regardless of whether she is telling the truth or not ...don't take it personally - your wife is an addict.

November 25, 2009
8:58 am
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stringtwanger
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Dear friends in Christ I can not tell you how much your input is helping me.I know that my wife loves me now and more importantly that she love the lord I believe everything will be all right Trusting the lord is ther most important part it is the true answer By God s grace and unmerited favour we will make it through

December 9, 2009
1:37 pm
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stringtwanger
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Well it happened again she left for the nite wound up in a hotell she says with some colledge kids 3 girls and two guys came home the next mornings just jibber jabbering about the crazy kids later on int the day that she came home she took a bunch of pills said she did not want to live I called 911 and got her to the hopital the next day the nurse told me that my wife said she had storted some cocaine and the doctor said she had told him to but when I asked her she said she did not remember can that be it showed up in the blood work sos she could not lie to them but me she said she did not remember if she lied about the coke what else is she not telling the thuth about I dod not like being lied to can she even get better if she lies I JUST WANT HER TO TELL THE TRUETH BUT WHEN I BRING IT UP she says that I am runing her day and making her want to go out away from me what should I do

December 9, 2009
1:46 pm
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sdesigns
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Do you want to keep living like this?

How do you envision your life a year from now? a month from now? a week from now? Is this how you want YOUR life to be?

December 9, 2009
3:11 pm
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StronginHim77
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You said she has done this before. How many more times are you prepared to go through this, before you step back and opt for a life of peace without her chaos and lies? And all addicts lie. That's the bottom line.

- Ma Strong

December 10, 2009
1:49 pm
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stringtwanger
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Jesus said we have to forgive not seven times but 7 times 7

December 10, 2009
3:14 pm
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Terriberry
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Do you think this person is really turly trying not to lie to you anymore?

December 10, 2009
4:52 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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Jesus did not tell us we have to be a door mat. She is using you as a door mat. Part of loving your neighbor as yourself is actually loving yourself.

Bitsy

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