Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Bevdee and anyone else who wants to talk bout Abuse&Religion
October 20, 2007
8:51 pm
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
251sp_Permalink sp_Print

Geez-o-flip...

We both had Monster-Fathers. Mine didn't tell me I was going to hell because he was an atheist who didn't believe in the existence of heaven or hell. But he sure did tell me how worthless and "substandard" I was. Got furious with me once for calling him at work. He had never told anyone he worked with that he had a previous marriage that had produced two daughters. Was furious that I embarassed him by leaving a message with his secretary that his "daughter" had called. What a jerk.

They're out there, all right. Fathers who are nothing more than sperm donors. I am sorry your father was so abusive. Small wonder that you feel safer with women, than with men. Makes sense to me. Did your mother realize how badly he was hurting you? Did she try to protect you from his cruelty?

- Ma Strong

October 21, 2007
5:36 am
Avatar
free2choose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
252sp_Permalink sp_Print

No. She knew he was hard on me, but alot of the stuff he did was real covert.

The physical only got real out of hand when she was not home.

Nothing she could have done anyways.

My mother is an ACOA, abuse survivor, codependent.

Things really got bad when I was in late middle school, earlyhigh school.

At that time we moved from a fairly large suburban community to a small rural town, thetown here myfather;s family lived, 30 minutes from my mom's mom. We had been living over 5 hours away.

2 daysafter the move, BEFORE mymom could even go see her mom, we found out she died. Someone broke in, stole her purse and litteraly scared her to death. She pushed a 150 sewing machine cabinet in front the door, had a heart attack and died. They found her diagonal across the bed clutching a butcher knife.

I my mom's heart, her mother was murdered. She has NEVER fully recovered. The next 2-3 years, mymom was totally emotionally GONE. Checked out, emotionally bye-bye.

Dad went a lil bonkers too.

Shit went down hill pretty bad.

Thats when I really started alot with the drugs and alcohol.

Was like a snowball.

October 21, 2007
5:38 am
Avatar
free2choose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
253sp_Permalink sp_Print

My father stopped hitting me when I was 15.

I pulled a knife on him and told him I'd gut him like a catfish if he touched me again.

He didn't, but he hated me much worse after that.

October 21, 2007
11:18 am
Avatar
MsGuided
Golden Horseshoe.ca
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 104
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
254sp_Permalink sp_Print

free2choose!

"gut him like a catfish"

I love it! WTG. The bible tells women to "turn the other cheek" no matter what. Submit to their opressors....what a load of BS.
GOOD 4 YOU, Be strong and assert your rights to self preservation and happiness.

Abusers thrive on submission and self doubt.

Stop the abuse! Stick up for yourself and get away!

October 21, 2007
1:59 pm
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
255sp_Permalink sp_Print

MsGuided -

The Bible does not tell women to turn the other cheek. That is a misquote. Turning the other cheek is a Biblical directive, addressed to all believers (both male AND female) and provides a standard for responding to those who would insult or belittle us for our beliefs. Scripture must always be taken in context and held up to the light of other, corroborating Scriptures. This particular quotation about turnig the other cheek is preceeded by a verse which says, "Invoke blessings upon and pray for the happiness of those who curse you, implore God's blessing (favor) upon those who abuse you [who revile, reproach, disparage, and highhandedly misuse you]. Taken in context, the following verse, instructing believers to "turn the other cheek" are to "turn the other cheek," means we are not to respond to those who revile, reproach, disparage us in like manner, but remain in an position of emotional and physical peace.

However, there is nothing in the Bible which teaches that women must submit to physical or verbal abuse from their parent or husband. In fact, parents who abuse their children are warned, "But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for hi that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea" [Matthew 18:6]. Ephesians 6:4 elabborates, "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath." The Amplified translation expresses this even more clearly: "Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment], but rear the [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord."

These passages make it very clear that God does NOT condone child abuse. Nor are wives required to take abuse from their husbands. Husbands are commanded to love their wives "as Christ loves the church" and as they would love "their own bodies." That certainly rules out verbal, emotional and physical abuse.

I hope this clarifies. There are no Biblical directives, commanding hapless women to submit to oppressors. In fact, the Bible contains some stunning evidence that God does NOT look fondly upon abusive husbands. A classic example of this would be Abigail and her husband, Nabal. Nabal was a drunken, abusive jerk. Abigail was a gracious, dignified and intelligent woman. Ultimately, God smote Nabal with sudden death and lifted Abigail into a position of safety and prominence as the wife of King David.

- Ma Strong

October 21, 2007
2:08 pm
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
256sp_Permalink sp_Print

free2c -

Wow. We certainly have some parallels in our backgrounds. Although in my case, it was my MOTHER who was the physically abusive parent (since my father was long-gone, replaced by a series of boyfriends who mistreated and loathed me). My mother stopped beating me when I was 18 and finally "snapped" one day, as she was raising her hand to belt me in the head. I turned on her in rage and told her I would have her arrested for assault and battery, if she ever touched me again. She hated me for that, (as your father hated you), but she never touched me again.

Because it was my MOTHER who abused me, I turned to men for comfort as I grew older. Since it was your FATHER who abused you, it makes sense that you turned to women for comfort. Each of us has a history. I am sorry that yours was so difficult. There were many times in my life when I longed for retribution for the many cruelties to which my mother (and absentee father) subjected me. I have finally come to peace on it and been able to forgive them, but I will not expose myself to any more abuse via direct contact again. My father is dead now, but my mother is still alive. I have no contact with her and that is best.

I hope you are able to avoid all contact with your father, as well. He sounds quite evil.

-- Ma

October 21, 2007
4:34 pm
Avatar
free2choose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
257sp_Permalink sp_Print

Strong:

"Because it was my MOTHER who abused me, I turned to men for comfort as I grew older. Since it was your FATHER who abused you, it makes sense that you turned to women for comfort."

Please do not assume that i am gay because I had a male abuser.

I was first molested at the age of 3 by a woman.

There are LOADS of women who are molested and raped everyday, and who are hit and abused by men, who NEVER become gay.

I am a lesbian because that is how God made me. Not because I suffered abuse at the hands of a man.

Making my sexual orientation a result of abuse means that there is a chance that I can "Heal" or "Recover" from it.

That is not possible. There is NOTHING to recover from.

I do not have a disease, a mental condition or any type of negative affliction. I am, simply, a lesbian.

Thatis the second post that you made reference to blaming abuse for my sexuality. I letit go thefirst time, but I can not any longer.

Strong....unless you are gay, I don't think you could EVER fully understand what it is like...

October 21, 2007
5:18 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests
258sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hi (((F2C)))

I have skimmed over this thread, not read it thoroughly at all. But I just wanted to weigh in and quote Jesus, if I may... "by their fruits ye shall know them". Those who call themselves Christian but practice discrination, oppression and bigotry are not, I believe, in tune with the spirit of love that we humans call "God", and create religions to celebrate and draw inspiration from. Does that mean the spirit of love doesn't exist? I choose to think not.

We have more access to more religious traditions these days, and can shop and look around for one that resonates with us if the one we were raised in was distorted and used to hurt us in some way... yet I have also heard stories of people who got a lot out of reclaiming the tradition they were raised in and finding practitioners of it who *are* in tune with the spirit of love.

As I have gone on my own spiritual journey over the years, I have examined and re-examined my beliefs and relation toward "the church" and "God". Some churches I would cross the street to avoid, as I have no sense that the spirit of love lives there. Others... beckon.

I wish you had access to that where you are, F2C. I attended church this morning with my bf at a big downtown church, one of the mainstream Christian denominations, whose minister is an out gay man, and a large percentage of the congregation is gay folks. (Good choir, too :o) You'd be welcome there, I know. It's not a shaming place.

October 21, 2007
11:01 pm
Avatar
free2choose
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
259sp_Permalink sp_Print

Oh, I would LOVE THAT, Kroik....

I really do miss church sometimes.

We went to my neice's conformation at the methodist church a few months ago.

They have a seperate area where they do more praise an worship, rather than the old school stuff.

I was in there waiting for J to come sit and they were up there singing and playing guitar. Thesong they were playing was about someone who was lost and alone, it was like a song from God to the lost person.

I felt it, coming from down in the pit of my stomach.

Grief...sadness...longing...

I was so overwhelmed I had to go in the bathroom and bawl my eyes out.

I do miss church.

I am so conflicted.

I just need a place where I can be my self, worship and praise my own vision and truth about God, and feel safe and comfortable in my own skin.

There is NO PLACE like that here. I wish there was.

October 21, 2007
11:46 pm
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
260sp_Permalink sp_Print

Erica -

You make a very good point. I was sexually molested by a man AND by a woman, while small. I wound up a heterosexual. However, the physically and emotionally abusive figure in my upbringing was definitely my mother. It was be as impossible for me to understand being a lesbian as it would be for you to understand my grief when widowed. I have always believed that you have to "walk a day in someone's shoes, before you can understand them." And you are quite right that the gender of our abusers may have nothing whatsoever to do with our adult, sexual preferences. I'm certainly not a PHD, so I am totally unqualified in this area. But -- most importantly -- I have never walked in your shoes.

I do recall at the age of 11 or 12 being very strongly attracted to a fellow (girl) camper one summer. I admired her so much, loved sitting close to her...revelled in her attention and hugs. It passed, however. That was probably the closest I ever came to anything resembling lesbian longings. There are so many life experiences which I have not shared -- and probably never will, given my age. But I do try, the best I can, to listen to others whose experiences are beyond my own scope and try to hear what they are expressing. I hope to be able to "hear" you. You certainly deserve to be heard.

I am awful worn out from my long trip to that little church tonite, so this old lady is gonna turn in. But I appreciate all that you write. I will give everything my full attention and try to listen with my HEART, not just my head.

- Ma Strong

October 21, 2007
11:52 pm
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
261sp_Permalink sp_Print

ah- kroika~

I live in California. We have an episcopalian- yep, episcopalian church where the minister is openly gay. and didn't this cause an inner-church controversy at the national level within the past couple of years? I remember something along those lines.

i really think there are different perspectives in Christianity.

I do think that the Christian standpoint is that homosexuality is a sin. I just think that some people don't care about that. Not concerned with it. Not an issue. That kind of thing.

free

October 22, 2007
12:08 am
Avatar
red blonde
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
262sp_Permalink sp_Print

f2c =

I probably am not going to say this right...but here goes.

Wasn't there a research study a while ago on DNA that stated that homosexuality that showed it was not a mentally disorder or emotional disorder but rather in the genetic makeup? Something like that?

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
39
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110906
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38534
Posts: 714189
Newest Members:
odin83, sendlv, ViolentFighterBrownCaveman, kbrfDazy, traceyob69, JohnMeave
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer