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Bevdee and anyone else who wants to talk bout Abuse&Religion
September 11, 2007
10:23 am
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I am here to listen, to add in what I can here, I only ask if your easily offended by someone who doesn't believe in GOD anymore or come to save me, to go elsewhere...I look forward to some interesting discussions!

September 11, 2007
10:26 am
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Survivorofabuse
10-Sep-07

Yes, and when you grow in a chaotic home, you seem to be wishing all the time, wishing somehow things could change, that god somehow will come and change things or help you, and of course I can remember praying to Jesus every night to make my life more manageable, but things only got worse, school was just as bad at times. I always felt as if there were a wall there, no one really talking back to me. I used to wonder what I did that was so bad to have the hand in life that I did. But I somehow made it through and came out alive. So many didn't, so many die, like the three girls who murdered by their dad, shot to death whie they slept in their beds, so why did they die? They were church goers and very well liked in society, why did they die? I hear evil things around here such as it was gods will that they die and that this was meant to be here, what evilness, what horrible thoughts to say such a thing. If god does exist and I am not really so sure he does here, he surely would not say oh ok you can live, get away from your family but they have to die by the hands of their own father. Then again look at the religion, god allows his own son to murdered, to go to hell for us??? makes no sense to me anymore, that makes god a child abuser, doesn't it?
I can remember reading my child the childrens bible every night, all was ok till we got to a pic of abrahman carrying his blinded folded son to the mountain, with a knife, and then going to strike him and then all the sudden a voice comes out and says, oh no, changed my mind?! so it was all just a test then? child abuse and murder and not to mention how his son prolly felt to be tied up and blind folded by his own dad and knowing his dad was going to kill him? this is love? then its nothing I want a part of...she was shocked, i closed the book and never opened it again...was not healthy for either one of us for many many reasons.

I may not have all the critical skills that most do in ths world, I am just of average intelligence, I have sought god and his people my whole life, and all i found was hurt, pain and a circus show, so I stopped and since then, I been more at peace, more levelheaded and more content...I had to give up the fairy tale that someone was going to save me, cause no one will.

I hope i had not hurt anyone here, was never my intention and if I did, i do apoloize for that, sincerly SOB

(((Bevdee)))

September 11, 2007
10:52 am
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bevdee
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Survivor,

Numero Uno- you do not have to apologise to anyone for expressing your philosophical views on this side of the site. Like me,(and many otheres here) the Xtian religion and some of its followers seems to have caused you some pain, and that's why I responded to you. I was just being real careful over there, because..... My understanding of the site and its guidelines is that even to offer prayer as a solution, i.e. in the form of "support" on that side is sort of an infraction of those guidelines.

But here? You can talk. There are alot of people on this site that have chucked conventional Xtianity on thier healing journey, with different viewpoints, so it's interesting to me. No need to apologise for needing to talk about that which has caused you pain.

No need to apologise- the C in AAC doesn't stand for Christianity.

I thought about this part of your post from How to handle being preached too

*And I guess when it is brought up by well meaning people and not so well meaning people, whether they are anti or pro-Jesus here, either way I end up hurt and confused...and not able to deal with the anxity that it causes me...being in a small rural southern mountain town, I am bombaded constantly here and I almost afraid to leave my home, I am not kidding, its that bad here.*

Peer pressure. I sure see Xtianity getting alot of converts from this- do you? I think many people just go along with it, give it lip service to take the path of least resistance or something. I know that I felt very anxious at different times in my life from those "well-intentioned"
people trying to impose their "formula" on me.

September 11, 2007
11:14 am
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soofoo
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I believe in God. I also have a very difficult time with that story about abraham and with the entire old testament in general. I too, am like what a monster to test abraham with the love of his son! I can tell you that though I love Christ, if some voice told me to take my child to a mountaiin and kill him, I would tell that voice to go back to Hell. Then I'd get myself to a psychiatrist pronto. I have actually confronted God in prayer about these things that trouble me. Another is the book of revelations. What is all this? How can You in Your supreme love allow these things to go on? And are you really going to let some of your precious children burn in Hell, because they make mistakes, because they doubt and become confused? I have gone so far as to challenge God and say "If you're the kind of God who would cause any soul to suffer for all eternity then I refuse to bow down to you and I don't care if you make me suffer too, just for that. I'll go down swinging" And through all of this openness and honesty in prayer, I have really found peace. You may think I'm crazy, but I have really discovered the amazing grace and love of God. And it is a continual thing. It's an experience I can't deny because it seems truer to me than anything else does. So, I don't know much of anything. But I really have faith in God and know that the Christ lives in my heart and soul, and that is more real to me than anything I see, hear or even read in the bible.

I am a Christian who meditates, practices yoga and reads the Upanishads. There are many Christians out there who would say that I am blasphemous and not really a Christian, but I know who I am, and I know God loves me just the way I am. He made me.

There are many, many ways to experience God and there are many, many ways to understand Him.

Happiness and peace to you-- Soofoo

September 11, 2007
11:15 am
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It is just terrible here, even in the newspaper, its emeshed beyond belief, in a newspaper for goodness sake. There are no TV stations and maybe for that I should be thankful for...doing cartwheels even...LOL....
Anyhow...I see a very verry scary connection to the church and very important people and busninesses here, just like in the town I grew up, I am sorta hesitant to go into here, and won't..but It scares me and i am glad to be moving to the midwest soon, oh no, did I just say that? yes, i did...I am from the NE and things are just different for me, all the way around here, I am not used to tornado alley, floods and etc...and I gotta get used to it, but what scares me more is how people just parrot what they are taught and hate those who do not think like them...you can tell me and ladeska are long time friends ...anyhow, thanks for wanting to chat with me here on this!

September 11, 2007
11:20 am
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Soohoo, thanks for your post and for expressing your views on the matter, I have no doubt that works for you and that has brought you peace and serenity, I am glad it does, in this world of ours, we have to do what works for us:)

I, on the other hand, had been in church, prayed, for most of my life and yet I talked to a wall. I also had read alot bout the history of th church, seen alot of things, know alot bout deals and who runs things, so I am at the very least, very scared here.

September 11, 2007
11:30 am
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bevdee
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"Anyhow...I see a very verry scary connection to the church and very important people and busninesses here, just like in the town I grew up, I am sorta hesitant to go into here, and won't..but It scares me"

So- in this town, the church and politics are entertwined? That is scary. I lived in a town in MO that was like that and got out real quick. The Bible college had so much influence and money, they ruled everything that went on in that town, from what businesses were allowed in town, what was sold at Wal-Mart (books, and records) all the way down to what was allowed in the cable tv package. The Blue Law is still in full effect in that town.

In Texas there is a pledge to the state flag, and "under god" has been reinstated. Right now people are scared, and the more frightened people are, the more they cling to the wishful thinking. IMO.

September 11, 2007
11:30 am
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I believe the book of revelation was written by people who want to make it happen, to come true, and that GOD had nothing to do with it, I am very scared of the bible, and the powerful people who wrote, promotted it and sell it. I do not trust the Council of Churches.

Then I get really scared, scared at what I know, worried that I had committed the unpardonable sin, which I have, to believe in nothing, I hate that I believe this, but its what I believe in as of now here.

So...otherwords I am great limbo and anxiety, cause no matter how you cut it here, I am not going to see those i love again, I can't deal with that knowledge, not at all here.

September 11, 2007
11:33 am
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Bevdee, its not just your town, or mine, its in every town...everywhere it is that way, to some degree more in some and others in a lesser sense...I talked to alot of people in my life who see it, and yes, it is very very scary..

September 11, 2007
11:35 am
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so much more too.

September 11, 2007
11:36 am
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soofoo
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Survivor
Not all of us Christians are running around trying to save people. I personally think that God meant Love your neighbor (like feed the hungry, give medicine to the sick, etc.). He told us not to judge other people's souls and I think that means you're not supposed to be trying to "save" people.

Why are you scared? Is it because of your past experiences?

September 11, 2007
11:41 am
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soofoo
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Oh I see. The unpardonable sin. No such thing. There are indeed lot of people who would use God to hurt peopl or keep them down, but that doesn't mean God isnt real.

September 11, 2007
11:41 am
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Some( not even going there too) and alot has to do with the history of religion, mankind and a barrel of other things, it is too much complicated to just paste it out here in a few paragraphs.

September 11, 2007
11:42 am
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bevdee
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Survivor

I think the bible is a plagiarism of mythology and other superstitions, and the religion as it has evolved today is based on that. I believe the people that promoted it did so to control the masses.

Are you sure disbelief is an unpardonable sin? Because the "proof" that is offered is so flimsy it is laughable!! The definitions of faith make me giggle too.

Mother Theresa's diaries are revealing her doubts as she neared the end of her life. That her "faith" was shaken in the last years of her life. She was the gold standard that everyone held up as an example.

What if we are wrong about the afterlife? Hmmm. Is that ManGod so unforgiving that he will burn us?

I'm so sorry you are missing your loved ones. (((Survivor)))

September 11, 2007
11:43 am
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Well to me, for me, and my experiences and what i believe in, half the time i feel I am oommitting it and going down...other times I don't think so...I am not able to see it as you do, not anywhere near in fact, wish i could, but that is not my reality here.

Nice of you to say I am not, but that doesn't comfort me, cause I don't feel that or believe it.

September 11, 2007
11:46 am
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I go back and forth on this...I feel as if I am stuck in some kind of pergatory here...not able to set my mind to one set of belifs or another here. I want to be united with my child and husband when I die, to be seperated eternally from them, scares me more than death itself.

I do not think much of Mother Thersea, I do not think much of the cathlic church, just don't. Sure she did good deeds, so do alot of people in life, who just die and never even hear bout.

September 11, 2007
11:48 am
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Faith is nothing to me, nothing at all, i can faith that a car will not hit me as i sit in the middle of road, but if i do that and i will die, so what is the point of faith? It is merely wishful thinking.

September 11, 2007
11:49 am
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bevdee
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Survivor,

Why do you have to believe anything today? Is it necessary to judge yourself this way?

September 11, 2007
11:50 am
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Don't be afraid. The council of churches cannot hurt you. It's like the wizard of Oz. You are safe. At worst pushy religions are annoying. What could they possibly do to you?

Book of Revelations

Interesting thought that it was written by people who want that to happen. Why would they want that?

September 11, 2007
11:52 am
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soofoo
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gotta go. Son home from Kindergarden

September 11, 2007
11:53 am
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I take it day by day, like I do with my abusive birth famiy who I had to leave..i take so much day by day, one hour, one minute at a time, only way I can mentally survive here.

September 11, 2007
11:54 am
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Have a good day Soofoo, thanks for posting.

September 11, 2007
11:54 am
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bevdee
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(((Survivor)))

That's all any of us can do. One minute at a time.

September 11, 2007
11:57 am
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I judge myself all the time, habit i guess, not sure why i do that all the time, I am often unhappy with myself and how I let things go, my health, my home, everything, I seem to lack the will to get things done, I feel stagant at times, as if i am just existing here sometimes.

other days, I do alot, too much, I can garden all day long and achieve much...or clean all day long and get much done...

but lately, I just feel as if I can't move out of this puter chair, just lazy maybe..tired or both.

September 11, 2007
12:00 pm
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Thank you so much ((Bevdee))...I am now dealing with the fact that my child is not doing too well in school, and I don't know why, cause she is really smart and they just keep giving more bad news on top of more and then we have to move again, so suddenly, I worry so much for my child, for our livihood, worry worry worry, about so much, so much and I don't even know where to begin to fix things here...but it helps that someone listens, someone cares here, thank you!!!!!

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