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Assembling a motorcycle from memory
January 17, 2005
4:41 pm
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Workinonit.

"Hey Tez, How are you today?"

Today, I am doing very well indeed. I have a hell of a lot for which to be grateful.

And you?

January 17, 2005
11:03 pm
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Tez,

I want to say I am doing well and I go back and forth but at this moment I am sad.

I know it is illusory but it IS with me and I can not shake it.

I have succumbed to the pain of the template again and my sadness is over the inability I have to get over it. How do I do this? I can't stand feeling this way about a person who deserves much less from me! I give too much. This is part of it but, I think I need to be up front about my own needs or see the pain sooner...I don't know.

All I know is I am crying and I figure if I go to sleep I'll feel better in the morning.

January 20, 2005
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Workinonit.

You said:

"I have succumbed to the pain of the template again and my sadness is over the inability I have to get over it."

While you have the strong belief and faith in that belief that you are powerless over this emotion, you certainly will remain powerless and therefore you will suffer. But there is a way out and I am living proof of this.

You asked:

"How do I do this?"

You need to 'see' at a deep level that the pain you are experiencing because of your 'loss' is the reactivated pain that you felt of a 'real or imagined' abandonment as a child some time ago in your past. The feeling is literally the same childhood pain re-felt as an adult.

If you go deeply into your pain you will discover how illusory it really is. You feel that life has little or no meaning without 'him'; he who is the doorway to the rest of the universe outside of you. Your self-worth plummets when you think of him sleeping with another. The pain of feeling worthless only drives the craving for him harder. No matter how much you tell yourself that he doesn't deserve you, it doesn't ameliorate the pain. When you imagine him 'inside of you', the ecstacy of this connectedness is sublime. However with your realization that this can never be again, comes the agony of your disconnectedness that is as deep as the ecstasy was high. Only now, the agony seems to persist, whereas the ecstasy was ... oh so short lived.

If you can see that the 'ecstasy' that you felt is a 'remembered' and re-experienced emotion, felt on reunification with the universe on your mother's breast, then you can see also what underpins the wonderful, ecstatic feeling of security and at-one-ness that you experienced when you were physically 'joined' with Lori.

Whatever be the reason, can you imagine what a child feels when it is deprived of its mother's contact and love?? That is the agony of rejection and abandonment that you are re-feeling now.

Are the feelings real? They sure are! But are you still that defenceless, totally dependent child upon whom evolution bestowed those painful emotional responses to ensure its survival?? No! Do your emotions know the difference between reality and imagination - NO! Past, present and future are one as far as the crude processing of the emotions are concerned. That negative emotional memory response based upon fear of abandonment and thus death, once triggered is the same now as it was then when experienced as a child.

When this is seen with full clarity, the solution is obvious. We must become our own parent to that emotional memory in the here and now. You might like to talk soothingly as a mother would to a 'real' tiny child grieving for the loss of its mother. You certainly wouldn't say to such an abandoned child: "Get over him/her!" You would cuddle and reassure such a child. That is what we need to do for our own emotional selves!! Craving for Lori is the mind yearning for Lori to be both mother and father to your emotional self - a task that is both beyond him and one to which he doesn't aspire!!

This book that some intuitive but uninformed person wrote called "He's Just Not Into You" is largely focusing on relationships wherein the woman doesn't fit the man's template, yet he 'uses' the woman for sex etc if and when he desires. He knows that he has the power to do this but doesn't know or care why. The further the woman goes to please him the more contempt he feels for her. The feelings of degradation in the woman is a downward spiral that further feeds her need to be with her surrogate mom/dad as unconsciously perceived by her to be in him (her template).

Self-nurture is one powerful answer!!! But first one has to know the child whom one proposes to nurture. What mother could be a good mother without first knowing her child's fears, needs and wants.

Another is turning to a 'Higher Power' - a God if you like - for that nurture. This is fine if you can bring yourself to unquestioningly believe in the existence of an unconditionally loving, all powerful, all knowing God. However, I find insurmountable contradictions in trying to reconcile these three prerequisites of a loving God.

I found meditation, a turning within and a quietening of the mind, in order to see its little games, to be a prerequisite to 'knowing the emotional child within'.

This is the path that I have trod. Of course eventually the realization starts to peek over the horizon that there is no child, self or other - only the deluded mind indistinguishable from the 'All that sees and is All'.

There really is nothing or nobody that can be gained or lost and nobody to do the gaining or losing in the first place. Everything, including relationships, passes inevitably through the 'fingers' that we think are 'ours' to do the 'grasping'.

Sermon over - finis, the end. šŸ™‚

January 21, 2005
2:05 am
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This has been the best sermon I ever heard. You know why? It was the first time I saw THE REASON! I've heard or seen you talk of this but until now it didn't fit. Now, I can see the fit.

I told you about the time I was a young girl and was led to go out to someones car to look for the 'gift' for me. There was no gift. Just a big laugh for the adults and now I think, where were my parents? They were there too!

Minimizing our feelings(my siblings too) was the only way they knew how. Take a nerve pill, have a shot of brandy, whatever. Never 'what do you think of that or I am sorry you feel this way' I guess that's my job now because Tez, I am not going to feel this way anymore. I am going to resist what makes me feel less than I am and go forward...into my life.

I am beginning in my journal and hoping this is just the beginning of consoling the girl who for so long now has felt wounded. I wish I could have had the life experience to understand the circumstances but this was not so. I need to think and be still now.

Thanks.

Oh, BTW, The description you gave for the book, that is me. That is the way I have allowed relationships to move and I want more Tez. I will be in a relationship that is whole, balanced, loving and safe. Or should I say, I am.

January 21, 2005
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Workinonit.

You said:

"I will be in a relationship that is whole, balanced, loving and safe. Or should I say, I am."

Yes, you are already in a relationship with your self. There are two of 'you' in this relationship; the intelligent thinking 'you' and the 'autopilot like' emotional 'you'. Your thinking 'you' can either be subservient to the 'feeling' you, uncritically doing its bidding. Alternatively, the thinking you can assume the roles of the ideal loving father/mother and talk to the 'feeling' 'you', in a firm, loving and reassuring way.

Every human being indulges in 'self-talk' (Aaron Beck). I have developed the habit of using the word 'we' when thinking about 'me'. I think thoughts like "'we' are going to be OK" rather than thoughts like "'I' am going to be OK". This practice raises my consciousness of my emotional self as being another separate component of myself as distinct from my cognitions. Of course any separations are mind games but it helps in the game of self-nurture.

When we go into any relationship with another human being in order only to get our childhood nurture needs met, we set ourselves up for pain.

When we have mastered the art of self-nurture, then we are freed to partake in a healthy, sharing, loving relationship in which we are free to give and receive, without making demands of out partner or without having to meet meeting demands made by him/her.

Not that I can do all this 100% of the time - but I live in hope. šŸ™‚

January 25, 2005
2:05 am
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Hey Tez,

My friend and dare I say mentor!!!

Ok you may not like that one but I don't really care!

It amazes me the thoughts i go to after posting here and reading your posts. They say when the student is ready the teacher appears. Ok enough said. Thanks!

I am doing better and thinking things through. My latest issue is to think about my first ex. I miss the knowing my needs, the thoughtful gestures, the intuitive nature of the relationship but, it brought on jealousy, manipulation, and control issues,

So, for the first time since i left him I want the good but not the bad. I vow to not repeat the bad either by action or by attraction.

I am still trying. I won't give up on what I know is out there. I just have to process enough to be ready.

See ya Tez!!!

January 25, 2005
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Workinonit.

You said:

"for the first time since i left him I want the good but not the bad." šŸ™‚

Yeah! Don't we all. If you seriously think about what you consider "good" and "bad", you will see that this is very much a function of your own childhood survival based needs from the 'past' resurrected into the present.

The problem comes from being attracted to what you unconsciously 'see' in a man as "good" - the "bad" comes as the other side of the same 'coin'.

It is impossible to get a 'onesided' coin. 'Doubleheaded' coins with "good" on both sides are an illusion created by 'shysters' who are about using manipulation, our own emotional cravings and their associated cognitively based 'rationalizations' included. Hmmm!

Watch out for the old 'push-pull' game that our unconscious sets up for us with a near matching, very attractive template! Watch out for the 'con job' that our unconscious perpetrates onto us. The 'self-con' goes something like this: "I am powerfully attracted to this guy/gal but I know that I can take him/her or leave him/her - so it will be OK to get into bed. After all, a guy/gal has to grab at happiness when and where one finds it." I speak from my own experience in two very painful relationships that I inflicted upon myself - one of these being terminated by me only 7 months ago as soon as I realized the con job that my unconscious perpetrated on me. Now I take better care of the 'little guy inside'. šŸ™‚

January 26, 2005
7:37 pm
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Tez, it's funny how I see this as soon as you point it out.

So I will be wary. I saw a guy the other night out with a friend and I was attracted to him but I realized right away, not to trust the instant attraction thing!! I must be getting something.

So now, I am going to concentrate on a business venture. I met with some people about a start up medical marketing busin4ess and I'm in!!!

Lots of work and research and possibility. I get so into my life when I am focused and I think this will be very good for me. I've wanted another business now for over two years and the time I've spent in this corporate atmosphere has given me plenty of experience and desire to get out of this environment!! Corporate is tough and working for me sounds much better because i really do like me!!

Keep it coming Tez, I am not struggling so much as I am growing. The pain isn't quite the same. I feel stronger lately than in a long while and I'd like to hold onto this feeling.

January 28, 2005
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Workinonit.

Talking about your business venture, you said:

"Lots of work and research and possibility. I get so into my life when I am focused and I think this will be very good for me."

Universal Irrevocable Law:

When we act out of fear, we generate more fear in abundance; when we act out of love we get love back many times over and things just seem to work out.

The trick is to recognize fear in all its subtle disguises. Equally just as important is recognizing what love is. On the love-fear spectrum there is a grey area in the middle that obscures the very thin borderline between the two.

The powerful question for you is: "Why do you want to be in business for yourself?" I'm sure the list of reasons is probably long. But underlying all these reasons is the 'self/other' perception and what we perceive as 'good' for 'self' and for 'other'.

Then there is the question of: "What governs what I consider to be 'good' for either the 'self' or the 'other'?"

Then there is the ultimate question: "Where does the borderline lie between 'self' and the 'other' in my planned business operations or anywhere else for that matter?"

The more separated we feel the more unhappy we become. The more 'at-one with all' that we feel the happier we are. But is life all about just feeling happy??

January 28, 2005
11:33 pm
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Assembling a Motorcycle from Memory...isn't this a published book?

January 29, 2005
3:14 pm
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not it...wrong title. It was "The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance". Has anyone ever read this book?

January 29, 2005
3:50 pm
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Thanks Twinks will take a look...but I have never read this book. My only recollection of it was when my now ex-husband told me to read it before we were married so I could "understand" him. For some reason that rubbed me the wrong way...so I never read it. I'm stubborn,..and , well ya know.,.anyway. I think I'll get the book though, have heard good things about it since then.

Hey you sound like you are doing so well...Congrats on that!

January 29, 2005
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Interesting thought process Tez. I can answer but i may add on at another time. This is a thinker.

I had my own business as a hair stylist for 8 years. I loved it but I did miss working my trade with others. When I went back to a salon I realized this but, I was content. The marriage was not good and I started a whole new career path at 42 years old!!! How about it?

Yikes, but anyway, I am in school now for a Marketing degree and I've been yearning for my own business again. Corporate is not for me. I am too independent though, the lessons about working with others in teams has been excellent preparation. In fact, everything I know about this business and the computer I learned through This company.

The longer I am there the more I see the paths are creating an unsettled spirit for me. Yes, it was important for me to be there for three years and experience lots of discomfort. Now I can go into the new situation with some insight and keep Pollyanna at bay!!!

This opportunity fits for so many reasons, true. But, the biggest is the rush of the challenge!!! I am not afraid anymore and that's when I know it's time.

January 30, 2005
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Workinonit.

You said:

"But, the biggest is the rush of the challenge!!! I am not afraid anymore and that's when I know it's time."

Good for you! I wish you well.

I have been watching some interesting documentaries on the TV called 'The Corporation'. It is mindblowing to see the lack of ethics and the obsession with profits that permeates these corporations. I hold Noam Chomsky in extremely high regard. He makes a fine contribution to these documentaries.

"All that is required for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing." - ?

Thanks to men like Ralph Nader, Noam Chomsky and other whistle blowers sometimes evil is exposed for the world to see.

Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq that the supposed search for which has resulted in so many people having to die? Are they just another of the many pretexts facilitating the hidden agendas of the rich and powerful? Lest we forget Aushwitz ... ...!

January 30, 2005
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Oh man Tez, this is so right on!!! I think it was important for me to spend the three years I did in aq corporate environment. It gave me quite a bit of experience and insight. Plus, my marketing classes are researched involved so i am reading alot about other company cultures, ethics, strategies, etc.

I can't grasp the whole idea of almighty profit margin you know? What real difference does it make how much lines your pockets? After awhile it becomes redundant doesn't it? Anyway, I've been researching lots of ideas to pursue and companies to target for business plus, I am going to do a side thing with ebay. What the heck!! I really feel confident in myself about this endeavor and just because of that I am already a success!

Noam Chomsky, I haven't read about him. I know Ralph Nader. I'll look into it and comment when I can.

Thanks Tez.

January 31, 2005
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Workinonit.

Referring to money you wrote:

"What real difference does it make how much lines your pockets?"

Money is a powerful motivator that is used in our society to get people to do that which we want done.

Getting people to jump to our bidding is power. Therefore money is power.

Power is the antidote for fear.

Powerful people have a great need to ameliorate their fears.

Seeing their acquisitions increase gives them a buzz that comes from overcoming the cause of their fear; namely their inner feelings of powerlessness and inadequacy.

The more powerful the person the greater is their need to compensate for this core feeling of inadequacy.

I doubt that you would ever get a powerful person to admit this!!! The need to deny of their feelings of inadequacy even to themselves also powers their drive for acquisition of money and hence power. There never can be enough to satiate their desires.

Greed has as its power base fear!!

January 31, 2005
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Tez,

A question if I may? When you speak of money and power, you stated that:

"Greed has as its power base fear!!"

Assuming that you are correct in this idea, and I aim to learn from you, not to disagree your point, then it is the greed of 'power' which is based on personal fear? Personal fear of being less than being all powerful?

Then if this is true, could you hold that assumption/thought to one's benefit when negotiating? What I mean, for an example is this:

Say two people are splitting up a big corporation. Both parties believe they deserve an equal division of that corporation's worth. Say both parties have given 50/50 into that company.

The two parties who 'own the corporation' have to disassemble, or divide the goods of the company. But the division might not be fairly divided 50/50. The reason being that the one whom is more greedy for power has more 'control' (power, intimidation, knowledge, experience), than the person who is less greedy.

Therefore, the weaker/less greedy person concedes to receive the lesser portion of the fifty percent due to him. The more powerful, greedy person aquires the larger portion.

In life, I am sure this is what usually happens. Fairness doesn't enter into this scene, or worth any significance.

But Tez, if this were so, is there a way that the person who has less power and greed, to be able to aquire his 50% due to him? What does that take? How can it happen for that little guy to get a fair amount? or, perhaps more than the 50%?

**** My ultimate question is; can this little, less powerful guy use the 'fear' factor as his Ace card to win what is his, or even more than the 50%???

I really would like to hear your views on my questions, if you so incline to post back, I would appreciate it.

I am thinking that if there is a power play winning situation for the one who is less greedy; as in this situation I gave to you, then it is possible to gain ahead in other life situations without being shallow and greedy and still remain 'an honest man/woman?"

Then again, there are some life situations, where we want and need to win for our own best interest and well-being.

Tez, I may not be well equipped or experienced to intelectually challenge you here. That is not my purpose, but there is much I/we can attain from you. Thanks for letting me pop in on your thread here.

Sew

February 2, 2005
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Sewunique.

You asked:

"**** My ultimate question is; can this little, less powerful guy use the 'fear' factor as his Ace card to win what is his, or even more than the 50%???"

This is a very interesting and powerful question. If the "little guy" recognizes at depth his own fears and from whence they are emanating, his/her drive to 'compete' for his/her "50%" and for a "fair share" soon diminishes. The saying "All that glitters is not gold" starts to take on a new meaning for him/her. If on the other hand the "little guy" does not understand the origin of fear at depth and uses his/her shallow understanding of fear to exploit the fear in his competitor/partner/opponent then he/she is going to feed the seeds of his/her own fear. Peace of mind, a most valuable attribute, will be the price he/she will pay! Fear is the antithesis of peace of mind.

Fear generates more fear because of ignorance of the origin of fear. Understanding the origin of fear is not quite as shallow as many psychologists would have us believe; the origin is quite deep. Over the centuries, many masters have tried to show humanity this origin to no avail.

You said:

"Then again, there are some life situations, where we want and need to win for our own best interest and well-being."

Winning implies a competition, a confrontation and a losers as well as winners. Even though we win, we fear the repercussions from the reactions of the losers. This is the problem with wars. The present situation in Iraq is the result of a reaction to the past conflicts. The victory of the powerful over the less powerful sets the seeds for future challenges to that power. This is fertile ground in which fear grows.

Global cooperation, not global competition, implies all winners and no losers and thus peace of mind for all. Cooperation, not competition, is the way to peace and harmony. Of course capitalists see competition as a virtue and cooperation as socialism - a dirty word in their eyes.

When 'evil'(uncontrolled fear run riot no mater how subtle) should be opposed, then the Dalai Lama has shown the way.

February 3, 2005
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Tez, you said, "Money is a powerful motivator that is used in our society to get people to do that which we want done.

Getting people to jump to our bidding is power. Therefore money is power.

Power is the antidote for fear."

I do not believe power is the antidote to fear, I think love is the antidote to fear. But, to truly understand the concept we must first and foremost love ourselves, truly accept ourselves for who we are.

This is the root of all problems including every one you both spoke of too.

Should the competition become, "What the point? I have no need." Then we are on the right path. Then we have overcome the origin to fear.

February 3, 2005
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Workinonit.

You said:

"I do not believe power is the antidote to fear, I think love is the antidote to fear."

I believe that you are absolutely correct in what you said here.

"Love is letting go of fear." Gerard Jampolsky

However, I was not talking about the actual antidote to fear. I was talking about what power hungry people do in trying to placate their fears. I was talking about the oligarchs, corporate moguls and powermongers of all kinds whose perceptions are that power will bring them security, peace, happiness and the 'good life'. In my lifetime, I have seen few, if any, powerful people who were/are driven by love, not fear.

As I mentioned earlier, fear has many disguises, and many are quite subtle indeed.

February 15, 2005
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Well, I had fear when I didn't see our thread! Ok , maybe too much ownership!! LOL

I've missed you Tez!

I've been so busy with school I nhaven't had the time for AAC.. Awful!

So how are you? Nothuing deep right now, I'm exhausted and need to go to bed. Essays are waiting and the like but I had to sign on and say hello.

HELLO!!!!!!!!

February 15, 2005
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Workinonit.

I missed you toooooooooooo!!!

I'm all written out too. I've answered a zillion responses on other Liberation threads. I've never seen such activity on this side of the site.

Some people are getting offended. šŸ™‚ I guess what they have to realize and learn is that this is the 'rugged' side of the Allaboutcounseling site where ideas, statements etc are more likely to be challenged. Support is less of a consideration than the seeking of the 'truth' - whatever that word ultimately means.

February 15, 2005
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Seekling of the "truth" Is this an ultimate goal? Who knows Tez.

I haven't had the time for all else over here but i am flaberghasted (great word huh?) at the number of threads here! I had to do a search for ours!!!

School is calling though. I have to finish my essay on organizational behavior. Hmmmmmmmm

Oh if i could see you I would hug you!!!

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

That has to do!

February 18, 2005
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Workinonit.

You are a sweetie. Thanks.

"That has to do!"

Wurf a million dollars.:-)

February 19, 2005
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My poor poor Tez. Taking quite a beating around here these days.

Why do you feel the need to throw yourself in the fray?

For someone with as much insight as you have in people and life in general, I am surprized by the mood of several threads.

But, on the other hand, what i am learning about Oranizational behavior and the varieties of distorted perceptions floating around willy nilly!!!(another great expression!)tells me this should be expected now and then.

You have shared quite a bit as has everyone. It also appears you've all found a way to agree to disagree.

Amen to that!!

So on another note...I've made great progress Tez!! I went to see Eric last night. I guess a bit of distance in time was needed to start feeling the softer feelings and guess what? I saw the same things and walked away. I felt like a good ending to a movie!! You know?

I had such a feeling of peace because I did what was best for myself. Without hurting anyone especially not me. THIS IS A FIRST!!!!! I am feeling very empowered and good about me. If he changes I am happy but it will be for himself and not for me. Those are the ways of resentment anyway.

So let's celebrate for a moment! I have stepped up one step and refuse to think about when i'll take two steps back again! LOL No, I'm kidding. Just happy.

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