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are you there worried dad?
April 14, 2005
9:27 pm
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raissa
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Hello,
just wanted to hear from you and see how you are feeling, Myself dealing everyday with the garbage of my husbans Exwife.
Is getting boring I feel like I hav etaken on a load that wont go away,
Anyways just wanted to get your always(: sincere opinion......

April 14, 2005
9:52 pm
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Worried_Dad
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raissa,

Ex trouble, eh...

For sure, tell us what's troubling you.

April 14, 2005
10:00 pm
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raissa
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she is constantly harrasing as with her crazy emails,phone calls and even going to the extent of getting information on my kids, I am worn out it takes so much energy out of me...

April 14, 2005
10:13 pm
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Worried_Dad
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raissa,

"Crazy" emails?

Aitaminit! Getting information about your kids?! What is happening there?

April 14, 2005
10:13 pm
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Worried_Dad
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You know you can get a restraining order...

April 14, 2005
10:18 pm
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raissa
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No I cannot I got to have more than Just my word and a couple of crazy email from her to do anything I am ...
am sorry I am craying right now I dont think My husband and I or should I say my husband is not happy with me and i am very scare that my marriage is going to fall apart....

April 15, 2005
12:06 am
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Worried_Dad
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raissa,

It depends what state you are living in....

How many emails, and how crazy are they?

I guess more important is that you think your husband is not happy with you. What is going on with your marriage? What is troubling you?

April 15, 2005
8:30 am
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raissa
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Conflict!! he hates it and I in the other hand or so it seems love it at least thats what I am told.
Tlaking about small issues has become more difficult becouse I know that he will get defensive, maybe he is right and I do desperately try to fit into what he thinks I should be doing however I feel my efforts to make him happy are going unnotice does that makes sense at all? I am crazy about my husband I dont question my love an loyalty for him I respect him tremendously and I really dont want to loose him, How do I get to were I am suppose to get if I dont really know excatly whats the root of the issue?
I am willing tho change to be a bettter person a better wife a better mother I am willing to whatever it may take so this can work.

April 15, 2005
9:09 am
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Worried_Dad
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Raissa,

The fact that you say you are willing to change at least means one half of the mariage is not irrevocably insane.

OK, conflict.

Conflict is juts a sign that people are different and have different esthetics, wants and needs. Any couple will occasionally have conflict, and it doesnt have to be horrible.

You need to ask some things.

1) Is the conflict fequent?

2) Is the conflict about many issues or just one or a few main issues?

3) Is the conflict because one of you has unreasonable demands or refuses to take "no" for an answer?

4) Do you "fight fair" during conflict, or is there yelling, cursing, name calling?

April 15, 2005
9:25 am
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raissa
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To him the conflict is often to me they seem the normal transition of two people learning to cope with each others differences.
Th issue is about his lifestyle with his exwife wich I can seem to get over,
"unreasonable demands" maybe I cannot honestly say that I am not to blame for some of this unreasonable demands,
"fight fair" I dont like cursing or yelling he does get to that point but I ma learning to walk away until we both are more reasonable.
I am traying WD to make the changes that I can make I pray everyday for guidence and patience I am not a child and I know the world is not perfect and I can live with that but I feel my husband has created this perfect marriage in his head that I can keep up with!!

April 20, 2005
8:01 am
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Worried_Dad
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Conflict is a normal part of relationships. The trick is to let it be civil and non threatening.

Read Patricia Evan's book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship." It is a kind of "how-not-to" manual for relationships.

I think if you have a respectful relationship you can work out ways of dealing with conflict such that everyone gets their needs met. It might help to see if there is a pattern to the kinds of things you have conflict about.

It might also be helpful to talk to a counselor to see if you can get help developing better ways of working with conflict, or maybe even eliminating some of the conflict.

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