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Afghan Sisters.....Starting a NEW year TOGETHER.....
January 6, 2007
7:03 pm
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Anonymous
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Dear Ras, being a WISE person, I know when to drop it. I remain absolutely "speechless".

Thank you, (((Cyndra))).

Plz~

January 6, 2007
8:43 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Sweet Ras,

Honey, I appreciate you for who you are. I am NOT going to read through your threads tp decide whether you were right or wrong. That is NOT what it is or ever was about to me. I just saw you in a very painful place that I know all too well. I care about you, as I care about most people that I come into contact with. Honestly, I am a pretty caring person by nature....most of the time.

I think that you are a LOT like I am. I think that you mean well, all the time. I don't think that we always come across that way. That is unfortunate for us. I think too, that what does not help us all is the lack of ability to read tones.

We are all in this place for one reason. We are/were hurting. The idea of this site is to help each other. I will stand by what I wrote on this site 6 weeks ago in that, I think that IF WE CHOOSE to we can learn from all of this. I believe that. Truly I do.

I know that our initial reactions are to react to what is being said to us or about us, or even to what triggers us. We don't always put the thought into what we are saying or who we might be hurting, or even how we may be coming across. Sometimes, it is our intent to hurt each other. Maybe it is a safe feeling to hurt people that we will never meet. We take out our anger and frustrations where it shouldn't be done. The one thing that I have found here though, is that no matter what...there comes a point that you have to walk away. You can't redeem yourself. I did this 6 weeks ago. The more I said, the deeper I dug my own hole. I was genuine in a LOT of what I was saying. But, I found myself apologizing for things that I wasn't sorry for, and shouldn't be sorry for. Even the people that I FELT were against me, could see this and point it out. I was desperate to redeem myself. I couldn't. I had to walk away. The sooner you stop saying things..no matter how true it seemed to me that it was, the sooner this will stop. The longer you continue this, the worse it is going to get.

Ras, you are a wonderful woman. Your heart is in the right. I believe that even some of the people that have been involved in all of this believe that. But you, like I was, are only making this more difficult on yourself. Please...it is time for this to be over. Stop hurting yourself. The fight will end.

I don't believe, any different than what happened with me 6 weeks ago that it all started out ill intended. But I believe that it truly felt that way to me at some point before it ended. I think that like it was for me, for you it was most likely the intent at constructive critisism. I don't take it well. I have some deep desire to always be helpful, and honest, and sometimes we fail. I fully admit that there was something to be learned for me from what happened 6 weeks ago for me, and most likely all involved.

I know that this time, though there were things that truly hurt me, and brought back those memories for me, I cared about what was happening to you. I hate to see people hurt like I have. That was a VERY recent thing for me, and the pain is not fully healed. Therefore, I let it get the best of me. I felt like I handled it pretty well this time as opposed to the last time. I wasn't willing to keep it up. I think that there were a LOT of things said just to be hurtful to each other, and I am sorry that it happened.

My original post to Lolli was NOT intended to be rude or anything but honest. I was aware that it would probably upset some people, and I am sorry that it did. But, I am NOT sorry that I was honest. I was NOT trying to hurt Lolli. I hope that deep down she knows that. The rest of the people that got involved, they did nothing different than I did for you. In all honesty, I am not hurt, I am not mad. I am proud that I handled it the way that I did. I am NOT sorry that I felt for you. As I said, I did not feel like I needed to read your threads to figure it all out. I would do it again. All I did was try to tell you to walk away. It was the only way for it to end. I think that really needs to happen Ras. I believe just as I said before to Lolli, there comes a time to drop it. Please consider this.

All that said. I do love you, and care about you. I want nothing but the best, healing emotionally and health wise, for all of us on this site. If we weren't getting anything out of this site at all, I don't think that we would be here. I don't believe it is a pleasure thing for any of us. I think that it is our hearts desire to feel validated, trusted, loved, cared about, and hopeful for change...and I believe in my heart that the possibility exists here. Our healing has started here with people that care, and understand us. Healing can happen through what trials we are put through here as well. We just have to let it happen.

You are always welcome here, I hope that you know that. You are a good woman. If people suggest that there is something about you that you may want to consider changing...don't take it as an attack, take it as an opportunity to search within you about what was said. I know that it is easier to take it as an attack as that is what a LOT of us here are used to (being attacked by the people in our real lived)....but it isn't necessarily the case. Look within honey, we all have things that we can better. And I know that I am NO exception to that rule.

Love to you...

Mich

(((Ras)))

January 6, 2007
9:05 pm
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Shaney
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Scared - What a thoughtful, well-written, loving post. It was a pleasure to read it. And to everyone here, I just want to apologize for my sarcasm in the last few days. It was uncalled for, and not helpful to anyone on this site. We all are guilty of losing it here and there, but it's still no excuse. I'll work on trying to maintain a constructive mind from now on, allowing me to write more thoughtfully, rather than reacting with emotion and sarcasm. Hope we can all offer kindness and support to one another from here on out. Good luck and peace to everyone.

January 6, 2007
9:07 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((Shaney))) no apology needed, we were ALL in the wrong...let's move forward from here.

January 6, 2007
9:08 pm
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Shaney
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Good deal :o) (((Mich)))

January 6, 2007
9:18 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Hey Shaney....anytime you are ready for a pissing ,atch..I am ready...!! :o)

January 6, 2007
9:27 pm
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Shaney
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HEY! We'll put our boxing gloves away until we REALLY need them! LOL

January 6, 2007
9:27 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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match...

January 6, 2007
9:27 pm
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ggfred4
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Mich, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!! What a wonderful post! I have kept quiet like I usually do because I hurt deeply over confrontations...It may not be the healthiest way to grow and maybe something I need to work on...yet, it is part of my personality??? I don't know...new to all this codependent stuff...

I do know I have learned a lot from all the posts lately from many threads...Yes, some hurt me and caused me to hurt for others...yet, I stayed quiet hoping it would blow over. Is that right? I do not know...We all have different personalities and ways, yet we have one common goal, to lead healthy lives and have healthy relationships.

I know this is all part of human nature and I may be oversensitive, but then that is my issue, just as it is my choice to respond to posts. I just hope we all continue to move forward as you mentioned mich...that is the only way, no matter what bumps and roadblocks are along the way...(but watch out, you may find gg hiding on the side of the road in a ditch and may have to say, "get back on the road gg, and move forward, don't be afraid!"

Thank you mich...hugs....

January 7, 2007
12:05 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Ok, Need....in my parts....it is your birthday......HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY FRIEND, MY SISTER......

I love you!!!

Love you...
Mich

(((Need)))

January 7, 2007
12:15 am
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ggfred4
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET NEED!!!!!!!!

Love you sister! Have a great day and save us some cake...I love birthday cake...don't need it, but love it!!!

January 7, 2007
1:05 am
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needtoheal
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Thank you for the birthday wishes...

I will share som birthday cake with

you all later tonight after my boys

get back from their dad's house..

love

PONDSCUM FREE NEED

January 7, 2007
1:36 am
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Rasputin
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Mich~ The reason for my last post here addressed to SD & Plz was to post back to them only since they both posted here to me asking for explanation about what I said about Lolli.

For your inforamtion, I am a very peaceful person. I wasn't trying to stir a fight or anything. I was simply posting back/replying to SD & Plz.

I am not a perfect person, but I a Quality person who wants to be treated in the same way I treat others. When I see someone treat me with less than quality, thru God's grace, I forgive that person. But, I keep my distance from him.

As a Christian, I love Lolli and I have forgiven her for all the attacks and ill-speaking she did to me, but as a Christian, I have been requested to keep my distance from her.

The Bible says "When we not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers."

To me WISDOM is the most important thing I value in life. My friends have to be wise as well, be it cyberfriends or reallife friends.

As for my advice I gave to you and the sisters here with regard to Lolli as (being a troublemaker): It is UP to you all. You can take it or leave it. I was just offering it out of love since you have been loving toward me and you're the ONLY Courageous Friend who defended me. I was being grateful to your kindness and defence of me.

I hope I made myself very clear that I was not trying to stir that subject over, but merely responding to SD & Plz posts up here.

Love, Ras~

January 7, 2007
8:37 am
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taj64
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Ras if you forgive Lolli as you have said why do you go behind her back and tell others that she is a fool and others stay away from her. I am very tired of hearing about how wise you are and your friends need to be wiser. Your one true friend chooses not to read the threads in question and is an enabler. It is nice to be able to defend a person but it would help to know the full story before you start to defend someone. It takes more to be a friend then to stand by them when you feel alone. Im tired of you making yourself clear here as if we all don't get it. Im tired of all your definations of what friendship, love, compromise, wisdom, what a healthy person is because what you say and what I understand you to be is something I feel you do not know what you are talking about and I find you difficult. Everything you claim to be "quality" person, the oh so wise one here, the person that expects to be treated as she treats other when I have seen you bash people, badger people, attack and by your own defination of abuse, abuse people. So are you better than everyone else? You do not listen to other's feelings, you do not want advice, you turn every thread into a "poor me" everyone is against me and everything I offer here is out of love because I love unconditionally yet your actions do not speak of love or what I call lovingly. You refuse to acknowledge when you hurt a person. All you sentences are condescending to others as if they they don't get it. I believe you have a lot of diffulty maintaining friendships. It is easier for you to cut them off and then try to convince others that they are less than human or not worthy of a person, that the fellow posters can take it or leave it. Tell me what good does it do to be a backstabber? Then you claim to forgive them???? What you are doing is NOT VERY NICE, NOT VERY CHRISTIAN LIKE. And frankly, if you are spokesperson for christianity then I feel I would be worried for the followers as I doubt God would approve of the way you behave. I really do not care if you put your distance for me either and speak ill of me as you do others. If you had forgiven Lolli as you have said then you would not be turning yet another circus as you seem to do with your constant interjections of hatred toward others and then turn around and claim to love them. If wisdom is the most important thing in your life, then you need to start seeking some wisdom about yourself because I feel you do not know yourself. And you do not know what a friend truly is at all, though you claim to. Otherwise you would have more than ONE TRUE FRIEND on this site. You would have a lot more if you did not condenscend to people and you showed love rather than just say it. Treat people lovingly and you will be the one that will not be the troublemaker as I feel you have been the troublemaker in many threads. I hope I made myself clear to YOU. Doubtful you will listen though. You have not listened very well at all. You have managed to turn every thread into a circus. Including a sisterhood thread. What a shame!!!! I think God will forgive me for this for he does not shame people the way you do.

January 7, 2007
9:56 am
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lovinglife
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~ ~ ~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEED!!! ~ ~ ~

Since I can't send an e-card or even a gift, 🙁 I'm sending you this B-D wish I found on the net along with a gift package (sorry but can't figure out a way to send the items with it!)

Happy Birthday Wishes to YOU!
~~~Author Unknown~~~

May your path be strewn with flowers, Memories, friends and happy hours.

May Blessings come from heaven above, And fill your life with Peace and LOVE....

Here's a Birthday gift kit just for you....

An eraser, so you can make all your troubles disappear.

A penny, so you never need to say you are broke.

A marble, in case someone says you've lost all of yours.

A rubber band, to stretch yourself beyond your limits.

A string, to tie things together when everything falls apart.

And hugs and kisses to remind you that someone, somewhere, cares. : )

Have a Wonderful Day ! =)

(((((((Need)))))))

January 7, 2007
1:01 pm
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Loralei
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"if ...you showed love rather than just say it."

I loved that statement, taj. It goes back to the "actions speak louder than words" idea. I think this holds true for any kind of relationship whether it is a friendship, family or our lover. Being the codependent type most of us are, we so want to believe "the words". But they mean nothing unless they are backed up by a matching acition, otherwise it's just lip service. This holds up for all areas of our life.

And Mich, I just wanted to say that was an excellent post you made on Jan 6. Although I think it would have been beneficial for you to have read all the postings so that you would have a better feel for all sides in this, I certainly respect you for standing by a friend. I'm happy to see that the rift is subsiding.

January 7, 2007
1:30 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Girls, I am going to bury this thread. It will be the LAST sisterhood thread that I start. I am about to leave my LAST POST, and I will leave it on the other side. I love you all, with all of my heart...thanks for the difference that you have all made in my life.

Dear God,

I thank you for all of the people that were involved in not only this sister thread, but the entire collection of them. I pray that you will help all involved to know what they each meant to me, and to each other. Help us all to get what we can out of this life, as it is short. Too short to fight the way that we are here. Take all of this negative and turn it into good. Turn it into a source of healing for ALL involved. We thank you for the love, hurt, anger, and all that was involved in these threads, and on all the threads throughout. I am thankful for every ounce of love and anger that was found here. Thanks for allowing us this time in our lives.

Amen....

Sisters....it will be up to one of you to start a new sisterhood thread, if you should choose to do that. As Shaney would say it (thanks Shaney, I really liked it to be honest) let the veil of the sisterhood prevail. There was a lot here, to learn from, and live by. Keep it up girls. Let the growth continue...I will be cheering you on from the sidelines...

Mich...

I love you all.

January 8, 2007
10:50 pm
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Friendma
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To all the sisters......I've missed ya'll very much. I wanted to drop in and say Happy New Year and I miss ya'll. I'm sendin all ya'll lots of love and hugs. I'll try to be in touch again soon. ((((Sisters))))

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