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Afghan sisters........need your help ASAP
December 17, 2006
8:01 am
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needtoheal
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sisters..
read the last post I made on the growing together thread./..
I need your opinion

December 17, 2006
8:05 am
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needtoheal
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Mich-- You are right.. NO more drinking for me.. I am amazed that I did not get sick at all....

It is not good for me to drink while taking the anti-depressant..

December 17, 2006
8:17 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Need, drop his ass like a bad habit. Tell him the truth. I think that you should tell him that you looked because you weren't fully trusting, and let him go. I am so sorry. Please don't keep doing this, please let him go Need. You deserve better and better is out there...I promise. You need to be happy with you. Kick him out of your life, and for good this time. You have been hurt enough. Please, it hurts me to see you hurt. I love you and I don't want you to hurt anymore....

I love you

December 17, 2006
8:36 am
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needtoheal
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thanks Mich... He is still sleeping.. I am ready to let him go for good this time..

I knew that he had been hiding things from me.. and I do not even know if I deserve to be mad about all of this but I do not want to be involved and invest time with someone that is doing this..

I could not believe it..

Back in May I found the number of a dating service and he said that he deleted his profile... he said that he called this dating service after I changed my phone number on him the first time...

So he might have been involved with this since then...

When I was at his house the other night he took out the engagement ring that he gave me on Valentine's Day

GOd, I am so glad that I gave that ring back ...........

December 17, 2006
8:39 am
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needtoheal
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Last night he took a long time to come to the bowling alley.

He told me that he would be there when I got done bowling and told me that I am to go outside when I am done or he would come inside to get me..

He did not even give an effort to come watch me bowl..

Then after I was done bowling I wanted to stay because it was my friend's birthday and so we stayed and bowled some more..

But when he was at his car, I told my girlfriend that I needed to hide my money so that he does not take it from me.. I must have told her a million times that I needed to hide my money... How pathetic is that!!!

December 17, 2006
8:41 am
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needtoheal
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I am not even upset about this.. I am actually happy that this has happened and maybe I just needed something in order for me to finally let him go FOR GOOD!!!!

December 17, 2006
8:55 am
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needtoheal
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I just do not know what to even say to him when he does wake up...

I was thinking about writing a letter to him and not saying anything to him and give him the letter for him to read after he leaves today but I do not even know what to write....

December 17, 2006
9:17 am
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needtoheal
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I know what I can say..

I am going to tell him that I could not find my cell phone this morning and that I looked in his car....

Not worried if he would be mad because I am not planning on speaking to him anymore

December 17, 2006
9:24 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Good Need, LET HIM GO FOR GOOD. You can tell him whatever you want, but get him out of your house, and make him stay that way...go back to NO CONTACT....

I am glad that you are not too disappointed, but I know that still doesn't make it easy. You tried to trust again, and it was shattered...I am sorry...

Let him go, and find someone that will truly love you for you. You deserve that.

Mich

December 17, 2006
9:29 am
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needtoheal
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MIch--

thank you for your support..

It is so ironic because this is a man that is sexually dysfunctional.. or at least with me..

If you could have seen these pictures that these girls sent him... and then asking him if he has a hard on..

My mother discussed with me that he is untrustworthy and that is so true..

He tried rolling over and put his arms around me and I got up.. No more cuddling with me anymore

I just wish that he would wake up so I can get him out of my house...

I called my mother and told her that I am not going to get the kids and she said that we agreed on 12 noon.. and then I told her that I have to get him out of my house and she said that she will talk to me later.. I know that she does not want to hear it because she hates to see me hurt like he has done over the past 4 years...

December 17, 2006
9:40 am
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needtoheal
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I just cannot believe that I have been so disallusioned...

December 17, 2006
9:58 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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You want to be loved, and you wanted to trust him again. You aren't dumb or anything else Need. You are human, and you deserve love, that is why you need to start looking for it where it can be found. He has now proved that it isn't going to come from him. Move on sweet sister, and get his ass out of your house...

You deserve so much better...

Love you

December 17, 2006
10:01 am
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needtoheal
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As I am laying here next to him I cannot even look at him Mich.. I cannot even cuddle next to him.. I just want to get away from him...

December 17, 2006
10:18 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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I would wake his ass up and throw him out, why does he deserve to continue to sleep peacefully in your bed? I am so sad for you. I know that you are ok with it, but Iknow that it still has to hurt...I care about you need. I do

December 17, 2006
10:30 am
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needtoheal
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I would wake him up but I am really afraid of having conflict with him..

There had been many times in the past where I have gotten him up and told him to leave..

I know that you love and care about me Mich..

I am glad that this has happened because I am in control and I can now walk away from this man with my head held high.. whereas a few months ago I was so depressed and upset..

Things do not happen for a reason.. THINGS HAPPEN BECAUSE OF THE CHOICES WE MAKE..

He is such an ass..

THis also explains why he took his signature off his text messages..

But I do realize that we were not in a commited relationship and he can do whatever he wants to do.. However, I am not willing to invest my time physically, mentally or financially with this man anymore..

He did not even give my friends any money last night for bowling.. Granted that they did get a discount because my friend works there but I insisted that they take some money..

Then I asked my girlfriend a million times if I hid my money because I did not want him to take my money from me.. How pathetic is that!!

December 17, 2006
10:37 am
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needtoheal
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I just do not understand.. Does he really think that he is going to go on a date with any of these women??

I guess that is not my problem...

There are some really desperate men and women out there...

I do not even want to look for another man anymore...

Maybe I am supposed to just be alone for a while and take care of my boys...

December 17, 2006
10:45 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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I said if I ever get divorced, I am looking for a woman....I can see how men do that to women

December 17, 2006
11:22 am
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ggfred4
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Sweet need,
I can't help it, I knew this was coming...You must have too...something sent you to that car to look at the phone....

Need, you are a wonderful person and a wonderful mother...You and your boys deserve better....It hurts me to see someone treating you this way...He is deserving of every name he has received from this site....

Now, what you are going to do is your decision? YOU DESERVE BETTER....get that through your head...BELIEVE IT!!! I know it is the holidays and this makes things tougher...I can't tell you what to do... I know what I want to tell you, but I just can say...I care....and go with that loving heart and use that smart mind and think of you and your family's future, okay?

Please be careful with the drinking too and the anti-depressants......
Love ya, sweet need..

December 17, 2006
2:24 pm
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needtoheal
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GG--

I knew that it was coming.. During the time that I had no contact with him he had sent me a text message that hi beautiful and that he missed me.. and then I noticed that he removed his signature. So I sent a text message back that I noticed that he deleted his signature (a nickname that I called him) and that he must have done it because he was sending text messages to other people. He sent a text message back that No he was not texting others and that he had to defend himself..

December 17, 2006
3:23 pm
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needtoheal
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Mich--
How ironic that you said what you said about going "to the other side" because last night I had an offer from a woman... Let me tell you it was quite interesting.. In fact, PS knew that this woman was interested in me.. and he said that he would not mind because she is a woman and not a man..

December 17, 2006
3:33 pm
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needtoheal
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She offered to take me home and stay the night with me..

So I had a choice between her and pondscum...

I know that I broke her heart.. She also told me that it was now or never..

OMG!!!

December 17, 2006
7:02 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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You should have gone Need....just my opinion....

How did things go this morning?

December 17, 2006
7:13 pm
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needtoheal
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Quite interesting... I was calm.. I really do not think that I had a right to even say anything to him at all about it but I did.. In fact, he was waking up when I was posting and reading what I was writing out loud about did he think that he was going to date these women? and there are a lot of desperate men and women out there..

Then I asked him if he has gone over his allowed text messages and he said no. I said that I was suprised considering all the text messages.. He smiled and asked me if I saw his phone and I said yes. I told him that I could not find my cell phone (which was the truth because I could not find it) and that I went to see if I had left it in his car but it was his phone.. I told him that it was very interesting...

I asked him if it was from the same dating service that he joined back in May. He said no but then yes..

He then put his head on me and blinked his eyes at me and said that I am his baby.. That he loves me..

He said that he is not seeing anyone else..
He said that he just talks to these women. He said that he just text messages them,
I commented that he does this for entertainment purposes only.. and he said yes..

He said that it has been a disaster.

He said that he told one girl that he has a girlfriend.. THen I said I did not know that he has a girlfriend. and he said that he never stopped having a girlfriend he just put me in the closet for two months and when he was ready again he opened the door and she was there...

I think that this is quite interesting. Like I mentioned this is from a man that is sexually dysfunctional with me.. and yet he has pornographic pictures of women's genitalia...

He lives in a fantasy world...

thanks for asking...

And I do feel bad about the girl because I did not want to hurt her or play head games with her either...

December 17, 2006
7:16 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks Mich and GG for your advice and support and love...

and I do love all my sisters...

Interestingly enough, he tried telling me that it is the same as me posting on the computer. I did not explain myself because I did not feel that I owe him an explanation.. however, it is not the same situation. I do not go on-line dating services nor do I go into chat rooms at all...

December 17, 2006
8:21 pm
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lollipop3
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Hi Need,

I really think you should trust your gut on this one. On the one hand he tells you that he told these women that he has a girlfriend. However, you saw with your own eyes that he said he was going bowling with his "buddy".

Do not allow his lies and half truths make you second guess yourself. You know the truth Need....believe yourself.

I would also like to comment on his statement......

"..... and he said that he never stopped having a girlfriend he just put me in the closet for two months and when he was ready again he opened the door and she was there..."

This statement says a mouthful...and it shows where you can take responsiblity for yourself and how you allow others to treat you. Remember the statement...."we teach people how to treat us." You have taught him that he can put you on a shelf and when he feels like it...you will be there waiting for him. Very bad lesson for him to learn.

You are worthy of respect Need. You deserve someone that will be there for you all the time....not just when he feels like it.

Although you cannot change what has happened...now would be a good time to really focus on yourself, your recovery, what YOU want, what YOU need. You can start over and teach him a new lesson. Teach him that you WILL be treated with respect....and not to let the door hit him in the ass.

Love,
Lolli

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