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Afghan Sisters......After the storm...
November 26, 2006
10:09 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, I want to say, let's give it some time...yet, when I went and read some posts on the other side, it hurt what people were saying...I just don't know mich...Part of me feels like we've lost, they won???? I know that is not the intention and I too was greatly bothered by what LL stated about the emotional blackmail...that really set me back...I feel like I have lost my freedom...I have not lost my love or trust with my sisters, but now there is only three left...I feel ostracized...I truly feel that no one understands us and that is why I have not attempted to post anything...I am even afraid to write this. Why? because apparently everyone outside of us thinks I take everything the wrong way and it makes me hate myself more...

what are your thoughts?

November 26, 2006
10:11 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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if that is how we are going to feel why stay?

November 26, 2006
10:18 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, keep thinking and wanting to believe that it will blow over...I want to believe it badly...

but here is my problem...after Tues. nite, I will be out of touch for awhile, and I cannot be in fear knowing I cannot hear from you again...I can't...no way, no how...I have to have something resolved for me...I will find out tomorrow if I can have a laptop in the room, but don't even think I will be on it for at least 3 days..I am scared mich...really about this...

November 26, 2006
10:22 pm
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ggfred4
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need, you have the strength, see? you have the hope...I haven't had it all week...

gosh,,,girls, I can't have what happen with cyn and LL happen with you two....

November 26, 2006
10:23 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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That makes two of us gg. Because that last post from LL took the wind out of my sails, and the strength out of my being...I will be able to talk to you one way or another...somehow I will figure this out.

November 26, 2006
10:24 pm
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turnabout
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Hey girls. Just read LL's response.

wow.

so sorry. I can understand feeling devastated. Wow.

November 26, 2006
10:27 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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She gave up....we meant nothing...it was all a lie. This pain is more than I can deal with. I feel like I just lost my best friend...she gave up on me. I am absolutely devastated...I fought for nothing. I lost, I tried...I am done.

November 26, 2006
10:28 pm
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turnabout
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I did that once, too, Mich. I know how it feels. Just so, so sorry.

November 26, 2006
10:29 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, just don't leave me...please let's figure this out...

turnabout..thanks for understanding...

need, are u there? what are u thinking?

November 26, 2006
10:29 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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IT hurts so bad turnabout. I want my sister back...

November 26, 2006
10:29 pm
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turnabout
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you're not done. You're hurt and emotionally exhausted, and have no idea of where to go from here, but in spite of all that, you aren't done.

November 26, 2006
10:32 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I want this pain to stop...and part of me thinks that staying here is not going to allow that to happen. I tried to stay strong, I fought for her. I wanted her to hear my heart. She did and then ripped it out of my chest....I can't take this.

November 26, 2006
10:33 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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gg, I don't know what to do.

Need where did you go?

November 26, 2006
10:36 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, this whole thing sucks and hurts to the core and not many could ever understand it...I am trying to think that she is doing what is best for her even though it is tearing my heart that I opened my soul to someone and that they left me so easily...being abandoned is one of my biggest issues and it has happened yet again...mich, I can't take it anymore and am afraid of talking ever again...of sharing, etc.

I am hoping that time will heal these wounds, but not sure...I just need to get through the next week and need to know that you will be with me...It is imperative...but yet, it is your decision too...

November 26, 2006
10:37 pm
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ggfred4
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mich and need, what is in your heart right now?

November 26, 2006
10:39 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I will be with you here or gone. BUT, I don't want you making your decisions based on what I do. I want them based on your heart.

Staying here seems pointless to me to be honest. But I truly think that I need to go to bed and think on it for a night. I typically do better that way. If I have to stay here for a week before I relinquish my rights so you can have comfort this week, then i will. I just don't know.

November 26, 2006
10:41 pm
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turnabout
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I've been through it, too. My best friend whom I loved with all my heart abandoned me. I fought tooth and nail to save that friendship. Multiply your letter by a year. I spent a year going back and forth... retreating to protect myself, coming out again to try one more time. I just tortured myself about losing that friendship. It meant so much to me and just seemed to mean nothing to him. He wouldn't even try. Sure, he SAID he was trying, but he wasn't really, and I could see that.

That was a similarity that struck me and nearly winded me out of LL's post. The behavior isn't matching up to the words.

I'm on the other side of all that now. It hurt so badly for a long time, but that's over now. I still know in my heart he made the WRONG decision and it saddens me. I also realize, though, that his weakness wasn't my fault.

In both of our situations, Mich, we did all we could. And there is satisfaction, at least eventually, in knowing you gave it your all and can have no regrets about that.

November 26, 2006
10:43 pm
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ggfred4
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I do not like the statement, I will be with you here or gone...I don't want you in my heart mich...I want you in my life...Do YOU???? If so, we can have it here or elsewhere...

I am working M & T, but I will keep the site on and will check in...Please promise you won't do anything before you tell me...please...I love you mich...

November 26, 2006
10:44 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I want to leave here. I really do, but I feel like I am giving up every chance that I have. Why do I care? She doesn't. She isn't sitting there with her heart on the floor. I realize that she got hurt, we all did. But was that worth giving us all up. Screw this.

November 26, 2006
10:45 pm
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ggfred4
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Answer me,,,mich...what do you mean by screw this?

November 26, 2006
10:48 pm
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needtoheal
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I am still here..GG

and I would like to remain here

i understand about not wanting to post

but in time

November 26, 2006
10:48 pm
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ggfred4
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MICH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

November 26, 2006
10:49 pm
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ggfred4
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NEED, I want to believe it, but feel so uncomfortable, scrutinized...just don't feel like I belong...

November 26, 2006
10:49 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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gg, sorry, I was re-reading my devastation

November 26, 2006
10:52 pm
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needtoheal
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then I guess girls we throw in the towel... I wanted to stay at least until GG has the surgery... but I guess it is time for us to go... all in our different directions now...

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