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Afghan Sisters......After the storm...
November 25, 2006
11:01 am
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Jenni
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(((((((Mich, GG, LL, Cyn, Need)))))))

I wish only the best for this situation. And if you all leave, you will be missed. I hope that you can all find each other thru e-mail, and continue to support each other in the privacy of your conversations.

Just know that my thoughts are with you, and I'll miss our adventure threads!

Love to all,

Jen

November 25, 2006
11:21 am
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StronginHim77
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LL -

Dang...I will miss you, old friend. You have been a real beacon of light to me in my past struggles. I won't forget you and I hope you come back someday. You are a blessing to so many.

I am sorry to see this massive falling out. Seems as if alot of people chose to get offended. I am not even sure who/what started all this uproar on the threads, but I have seen blow-ups before and the dust usually settles in time.

We are all human and we have "seasons" for everything: giving; retreating; withdrawing; reaching out. Yes. There are seasons for these things in our lives. I hope that you and the others (Mich, GG, Cyndra) return someday. None of you will be forgotten.

Love,

Ma Strong

November 25, 2006
11:56 am
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ggfred4
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I am just in turmoil here, but because I do have a lot of stuff going on in my life as well...

mich...I need info...and thought now...and prayer....I need to know how to contact sc to get emails, relinquish rights, etc...just in case....we will talk at one, noon your time....be here, please....

I also need to post a note to everyone; guess I just want everyone to understand, but don't know if it is possible...

LL, I am disappointed that we did not get the "talk" that we have all be waiting for and yes, mainly for you....I am in shock right now over this whole scenario and trying to remain calm as that is very necessary for me now...I spent two days with my past abuser, and yes, he did a quick kiss on the lips right when I was leaving that left me physically sick, have the major surgery in 5 days, plus family issues, and now feel like I have lost my closest friends, my support at a crucial time...I am at a loss here, feel like I don't want to get close to anyone ever again due to this pain...

and mich, I need you...please be here later, please...

November 25, 2006
12:03 pm
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lollipop3
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(((GG))),

Although I am more than willing to listen...I just want you to know that you don't need to explain yourself. Many of us do understand, completely, and that is exactly why were trying to help you.

I hope that at some point in the near future, you will be able to understand us and where we were coming from.

I wish you the best in your recovery.

Love,
Lolli

November 25, 2006
12:33 pm
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ggfred4
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lolli, I really do understand now where you were coming from...yet, not sure about things...confused about myself...just so much going on in my life right now...I think I feel the need to explain things more for myself, understand? I am not a trusting person and finally did and feel like I have lost it all...

November 25, 2006
1:33 pm
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lollipop3
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GG,

You have not lost it honey. A wrench got thrown in your spokes is all. Life has a way of doing that to all of us at one time or another.

I do understand you wanting to explain....feel free to post whatever you like.....I will listen.

Love,
Lolli

November 25, 2006
2:07 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, you back yet?

November 25, 2006
2:17 pm
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free
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Hi ladies

I'd like to say and share a couple things, and hopefully I'll choose the right words.

Y'all created a bond here. Those are cool. The dynamics of that bond exist here. They may not exist on the outside. Sometimes when people manage to get e-mails, everything really falls apart kuz the dynamics change. Then the bond and what ya had is lost forever.

It's okay to say to someone "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I disagree" and leave it at that.

It's okay to not accept someone's opinion or thoughts. I struggle with this one to this day. I feel hurt and rejected when I'm not accepted, both here and in daily life. It's tough for me to walk away from it emotionally. I've this urge to dwell on it and explain myself until I am accepted or people see things my way. This is how I feel validated as a human being. This is where I get my self value. Finding self value from within is difficult, but getting easier. It's been a long road for me, and it doesn't look like there's an end to it. It looks like it's a journey. I see you gals on this journey too.

The tears you cry- are they only from what's happened here, or is it like a volcanic eruption? I know I struggle with this one as well. I know once I start crying about certain hurts, or even percieved hurts, sometimes everything from my past just- erupts. It's like the flood gates open or something.

I've timed myself out from this site before. You don't have to say forever. The last time I left for awhile it was about 6 months or so. That wasn't my choice initially- my computer crashed. Initially I felt withdrawals- the pull to come here can become great- I think short time-outs are important sometimes kuz they give us the opportunity to make sure life's not passing us by while we're on the computer. This is true for me anyway. Been coming on and off since around 2003. It's a great site.

I'm a fixer, a rescuer. It has been and still is, very difficult for me to accept that there are things I can't fix, and people I can't rescue. It looks like this may be the same for the sisters. Fixer-rescuers can form intensely deep bonds that can cause problems- google rescue triangle and check it out. It's something to be aware of.

I thought the whole Afghan Sisters thread was kinda cool. I read from time to time, it gave me things to think about. You've ladies have a great deal to offer. Lolli's pretty level-headed and level-tempered. Her display of assertiveness is something I watch and learn from.

I think one of the biggest things I've learned over the past couple years is that when I feel hurt from something someone has said and done, to ask myself why and look into myself for answers. Don't be afraid of hurt- it leads to growth, and it can't annihilate you. It's a part of the whole deal.

Afghan sisters- you created something pretty cool. My hat's off to ya.

free

November 25, 2006
2:29 pm
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ggfred4
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free, thanks for taking that much time and care to express your thoughts...you brought up some good points, some very good points...I am not happy with myself and how I take things; I am questioning myself right now...I don't want to lose this sisterhood...I love these girls...I don't have a sister or close friend in the "real world" that I can feel so comfortable with to say, "will you just hold me?"

Right now, two are gone, and the one that I feel the closest bond to is who I am most worried about and needing to talk to...

November 25, 2006
2:32 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, please come talk to me...

November 25, 2006
2:53 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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GG, ARE YOU HERE?

November 25, 2006
2:56 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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GG, I really need to talk to you for a few minutes...are you around?

November 25, 2006
2:59 pm
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ggfred4
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YES

November 25, 2006
3:00 pm
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ggfred4
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did you read free's post? I am so ready to hear what you have to say...still shocked over LL...can't lose you all, just can't right now...

November 25, 2006
3:01 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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We cannot leave here yet. GG, we have to be bigger than this. PERIOD. We have to fight to keep what we have. This dust will settle. People will leave us alone. It was opinions...we don't have to take them for any more than that.

November 25, 2006
3:03 pm
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ggfred4
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okay, mich...I had such mixed feelings, yet didn't feel like I could talk about them and then that upset me....did you read free's post and my response...

November 25, 2006
3:04 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Regardless of what was said here this weekend...I am not going anywhere. My relationship to all of you is too important to me. I also don't think that it is fair to give up what others have to offer us, and what we have to offer others. OK? GG, I don't want to risk losing what I have with you. I want LL back, and if we walk away from here, we lose every chance of that happening. I can't do that. Not to me, and not to my sisters.

November 25, 2006
3:07 pm
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ggfred4
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thanks, mich, this is such a relief to hear...I am under so much stress right now and can't think straight...I just knew I couldn't lose your support...I know that is dependent...and know that was one of the basis of the whole thing...I have a lot of work to do on myself...

Did LL just take a break or leave permanently?

Where is need?

I am also unsure of what people think about me now on this site and that bothers me a lot...another one of my issues..

love you mich...

November 25, 2006
3:07 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Cyn might be gone, and she might be back...I am not willing to give LL up without a fight. She is a smart woman. And so are we. I am still going to hold you and love you, and we are still going to crawl next to each other and snuggle, and I don't care what anyone thinks. This is our healing process and why should we let anyone take it away just because we don't agree with what they said. They gave us something to think about, and we took it personal. So what. What are we giving up if we quit? A lot. Sure we could have one on one, and that would be so cool. But, is it worth losing all that we have right now? NO!! Not to me it's not.

November 25, 2006
3:12 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Gg, we will get through this. Not everyone has to agree with us, or even like us. We are us. LL, is sleeping. She said she would NOT relinquish her rights to here. So we have a hope if we stay. I will talk to her later. It can't be right now, because I have to leave in an hour..BUT, gg, I am NOT leaving you. We need Ma Strong, We need MamaCin, we need a support group. I do not think that you and I alone are strong enough to support each other. I hope that Need appears sooner or later. I trust that she will. We can do this gg. We can. Who cares what everyone thinks of you, or me for that fact. This will blow over. Promise. We can still be us, we can still trust, we can still talk. We just have to do it together. That is all. Please gg, agree to try this for a little while. Besides....Cyn left the afghan. We have to take care of it. Nobody here will take care of it like we will.

November 25, 2006
3:12 pm
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ggfred4
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yes, but if cyn comes back, she won't be cyn will she? we have lost cyn, right??? I can't lose LL, but it is not my choice....and where is need?

Mich, you have gotten so strong and I am so proud of you....I love you so much...I feel a glimmer of hope now,,,but boy, I sure messed myself up this week over this...I have always been oversensitive....I am still so hurt...and hate myself on how I take things too...

November 25, 2006
3:13 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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GG, I have to go for a few. H just made me french toast and sausage...I will be back before i leave. I love you gg, we cannot walk away from this. I have a lot to say to LL. I love her too much to not fight for her too.

November 25, 2006
3:15 pm
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ggfred4
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Mich, your last post has just given me some hope and confidence and I will try because I need you and yes, we need others too, especially when we are both in crisis! Mich, I know this is bad timing, but I am so scared about this week and was so afraid I had lost all support here...I will need you...

November 25, 2006
3:24 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I will be here gg, I promise. I am not going anywhere. I will hold you and everything else. There is hope until we give up. I can't do that yet gg. I am not ready. We can do this gg. I promise....I have to go...I will check back in before I leave...

November 25, 2006
3:47 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, it is me, lil shit...Remember, you were first to call me that; I laughed so much that day...You humor helped me a lot...yes, I worry about you, especially your living conditions....I respect you so much...I admire you so much...you are so wise for your age; you amaze me....

Everyone of the sisters seem to have an opinion on what they want to do or did by now...Here is my problem, do I belong on this site? You know how sensitive I am; too sensitive....You know how I worry about what people think; definitely something for me to work on...you tell people like P&L and others that I have grown...this last week, I have retreated back, but not to a safe place....my safe place was with all of you....I am still so confused...I can't stand myself because of it...all four of you seem so strong and I do not seem to be....gosh, wish you could just pop back in and give me those wise words now....I feel like I have to be so careful with what I say now...I feel like I have to explain myself to others, yet, never had to with you...
I am just so low now....need the big sis....but, I know I can't be selfish...you must do what you need to do to heal and recover....

Just can't give up on that airport/t-shirt dream yet, LL, just can't...I love you LL!!!

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