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about sex
October 14, 2003
5:54 pm
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tracylyn
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Lisset~

I was on my way out the door and just checked in but felt compelled to respond to you.

Honey....you say you don't want to lose him but you have never really "had" him. You've never met him, you are in love with what he allows you to see thru the internet. That isn't true love and you cannot commit yourself at such a young age to someone you have never even met.

2nd thing....any man that truly loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you will respect your decision to wait. Waiting is beautiful if that's what you want then he needs to respect and understand your decision. Do not let anyone pressure you into that whether verbally or otherwise.

Please respect yourself and your own decisions enough to know that if he can't wait, then he will not be the one. You have some strong beliefs on this and I commend you for that. Don't let someone else change them.

And please, please, please be careful of someone on the internet. You really have no ideal who this person is. If you do choose to met him in person, make sure someone goes with you and that someone knows where you'll be meeting him and so forth.

Take of of yourself honey.....

T

October 14, 2003
6:36 pm
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gingerleigh
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Ack, Lisset, is this that same guy? The one who was being such an ass to you? What changed?

October 16, 2003
3:40 pm
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artist 2
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Don't let anyone in the world pressure you. Just don't. He's got you on a string... Stand by what you say - that you insist on him waiting, to show you respect.

October 16, 2003
3:52 pm
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unhappy camper
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If you go ahead, always use protection!!!! I can't emphasize that enough.

You are doing the right thing. But for heavens sake, don't get pregnant or a disease if you give in.

And make sure he satisfies your desires also, not just himself when the time comes.

October 16, 2003
4:01 pm
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artist 2
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Boy I second that!!! Protect yourself, stay in control.

October 18, 2003
10:33 am
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mandrick
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hi lis!

i would'nt do it if i were you... and puhleeeezz listen to whatever advice you get in here.. it helps a lot.

well you could be like me who asks for advice but never really takes it.

how can you love someone you've never even met?! anyway... stay strong girl 🙂

and think...

October 18, 2003
12:00 pm
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Molly
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Once you give it up, you never get it back. Sex isn't just a do it and get it over with kind of thing. Its a magical experience between two people, it should be natural, not pressured. This memory will be with you for your entire life. Way to many people did it the first time for all the wrong reasons, there is no 100% protection against getting pregnant. Remember that.
Its personal, its your decision, they will always ask, and your the only person that can say no, what ever your reasons this is your power.
If your heart races, your palms get sweaty, you have that electric zing running through your body, then go with your heart and concious. Just remember the first time usually sucks. Sex is totally different for men, than women. It takes a gentle man, with patience, and some practice to make it enjoyable. I would hold out for a 5 star hotel, with room service, a view, fire place and bubble bath !!!! Remember the memory will last forever, and you only give it away once.

October 24, 2003
6:37 am
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lost_one
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why are you heartborken , lisset?

October 24, 2003
2:53 pm
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arwen
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Dear Lisset,

When I was 18 I lost my virginity and so deeply regret the way it happened. Even at the age of a "legal adult", emotionally I didn't understand what sex was all about until it was too late and my virginity was gone. Once I gave in, it was more and more difficult for me to set boundaries and limits sexually, so I had lots of one-night stands. Even though when I was younger I never had sex with someone I didn't know very well (most were friends that I had known through school, and later, through work), it wasn't the emotional reality of what sex is.

I'm 40 years old and I can honestly say that I have experienced the emotional reality of sex with more than one person, but rarely was it consistent throughout a relationship because it takes a lot of commitment to make sex more than "fun". One of the most valuable lessons I have learned is that when I am having sex with someone, emotional gratification is far more satisfying than physical gratification. After all, I can satisfy myself sexually any time I want but it takes something very special to be that vulnerable with another person.

If I had it all to do over again, I would have waited until June of 1982, just a couple of months after my 19th birthday. In this experience, I would have had the emotional gratification... Maybe I should decide for the sake of me, that this is when I lost my virginity... I kinda like that idea!

Thanks, Lisset! This issue has been a tiny little thorn in my side all my life. I enter this thread to talk to you, and end up resolving it. What a gift!!!

Thanks again! Love,

Arwen

October 24, 2003
4:36 pm
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arwen
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Lisset,

You led me down a path where I somehow had to explore something that had been bugging me for 22 years--the choice I made regarding losing my virginity. It was a bad choice! After writing to you about it, I have made the choice to see things in a different light.

The other thing I would say is at least I had a choice. I hope I don't mess up when I try to write about this...

Lots of people are raped or sexually abused and this is their first experience with sex. In my opinion, you are a virgin until you make the choice to have sex. There should be no judgment in it.

Sincerely,

Arwen

October 24, 2003
5:47 pm
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unhappy camper
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They hymen is a piece of skin that covers the uterus and it breaks when the penis is inserted. When masturbating one doesn't usually go in deep but just rub the surface.

But I didn't notice any breakage my first time. Some girls bleed. It may be hard to prove right now that you are a virgin even.

Some countries the families demand to see the sheets after the wedding night to prove the girl is a virgin.

I think in some cases there is some cheating there...chicken blood or a cut finger? LOL

It seems VERY important to you. So "popping your cherry" will take place on your wedding night.

I hope you will find a young man who values that. Perhaps more likely a relgious guy, or someone from overseas. I'm not sure if the average American guy values it. Let's hear others opinions on that.

You must get what YOU want. Stick to your principles. 🙂

October 25, 2003
2:37 am
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arwen
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This might sound really stupid, Lisset, but I think you are a virgin until you have sex with your heart engaged full throttle--the difference between sex and making love is the emotional and spiritual connection.

I also believe that it is very healthy to think about yourself, feel love for yourself as often as you can when masturbating, instead of straying off into a sexual fantasy about Keanu or kd--which I tend to do too often!

I don't like the way I look, so for me it is very emotionally satisfying for me to feel my body, my fatness, and think loving thoughts about my body. Even though I'm very fat, I can hike, jog, swim (I'm very buoyant!), and when I'm with the right person, I can feel genuinely sexy.

I would not consider masturbating as losing your virginity, unless you decide it is an experience worthy of such an honor.

Sincerely,

Arwen

October 25, 2003
2:46 pm
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to be having sex with someone you really really like so much and for them to be liking you too, its an impossible dream.. maybe thats one of the reasons for my changed thoughts, that.. oh well. later on.

October 25, 2003
3:01 pm
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Anonymous
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"I would not consider masturbating as losing your virginity, unless you decide it is an experience worthy of such an honor."

LOL I love the way you express yourself !

October 25, 2003
10:50 pm
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what is the actual usefulness of the hymen from a biological point of view? anyone know? i heard it was to protect the female fetus inside the womb.

October 26, 2003
3:28 am
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lost_one
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To arwen

do not worry about being fat. i love sex with fatty women. take care.

October 26, 2003
1:00 pm
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lost one, if you are horny, please go to another site? what help and advice do you need? please share any problems with us? this board is for people with personal problems. you're making me feel sick (and i'm a man).

October 26, 2003
2:47 pm
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Anonymous
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I don't think the sex threads are a bad idea at all. Sex is an important part of the issues we encounter and ignoring that part would make this board an artificial place. Even in Church they discuss that stuff.

In regard to some small innocent flirting, I'm not against either.

But, lost one, I think you're crossing the line, especially since I don't see you're here to work on your issues. You reacted by attacking me when I suggested therapy as a healthy kind of relationship. Please stop that.

October 30, 2003
1:11 am
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arwen
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lost_one,

Although your intention might be to flatter me, it is clearly not viewed as appropriate by the other site visitors. Additionally, I would state that while I am very open-minded regarding sexual issues and sexuality, this does not mean I don't require a generous amount of spiritual bonding in order to consider having a sexual experience with someone--and I NEVER cyber.

This is a good place to get to know people and find support if that is your purpose. However, if you're looking to get laid, I suggest you look some place else...

Respectfully,

Arwen

October 30, 2003
4:01 pm
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i would like to say that some people *may* confuse me and lost_one as being the same person. in that case, i'll say that this is not true at all. thats all i wanted to say, thanks.

October 30, 2003
4:58 pm
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arwen
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Guest,

It is quite clear to me that you and lost_one are not the same person.

Arwen

October 31, 2003
2:09 pm
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well i myself thought me and lost one looked similiar, but i dont give a hoot now. for whatever lost_one or lost_soul posted on the forums, i dont feel like going there for now so i'll take a break.

October 31, 2003
5:04 pm
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arwen
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I don't know about 'seeing' similarities, but I assure you I didn't 'feel' similarities. I enjoy your dry sense of humor and can now easily identify it as such. Hope you know how much you crack me up, and make me think...

Arwen

November 1, 2003
7:30 pm
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well thanks arwen, i'm glad... next time i'll use some moisterizing cream with the humour so its less dry. lol.. kidding

November 1, 2003
8:59 pm
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arwen
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Dry humor, to me, is one of the best forms of humor. I'm the kind of person who jokes in a way that most everyone can always tell it's a joke. I love it when someone comes along who has that style that makes me thing "was that a joke?" There aren't too many people who can pull that off. I think it's great when it happens!

But if you need moisturizer, may I suggest Curel Skin Toning and Firming formula? The only other thing that has worked for me is to stay chubby enough so that there are no room for wrinkles!

Love,

Arwen

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