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a history lesson- funny!
February 24, 2008
3:15 pm
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free
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THE "REAL HISTORY" LESSON

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer killed in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel. (The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.)

These were the foundation of modern civilization, and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what came to be known as the "Conservative Movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of what came to be known as the "Liberal Movement."

Some of these Liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the Elephant. Liberals are, naturally, symbolized by the Jackass.

Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, news media personnel, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, dentists, firemen, medical doctors, engineers, computer specialists, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, US Marines and, generally, anyone who actually works for a living.

Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America to set up businesses. Liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created the business of "Public Welfare" (trying to get Conservatives to pay for everything you need in life because you're either too lazy or too stupid to get a job!)

Here ends today's lesson in World History.......

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above and never forward it.

Conservatives will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this History Lesson that they will forward it immediately to other true believers and to every liberal they know - - - - just to upset them. . . .

March 2, 2008
2:59 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Wow. Whoever wrote that was pretty delusional.

March 8, 2008
10:16 pm
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Codi202
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I sent it to Rush Limbaugh.

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