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A big warm fuzzy smile AW & OB
April 1, 2005
2:37 am
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bonita1
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Hi,

I didn't feel comfortable discussing our little one on the other thread. She just might see it sometime and I don't think that would be good for her.

Also, I just need to vent. Yes, I'm mad at that mom for not helping her child out and for trying to force the facade of a big happy family getting together for and Easter Dinner.

I still feel like bitch-slapping her upside the head and I am not a violent person!!!

April 1, 2005
2:40 am
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bonita1
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I'm glad I made you smile AW! You always make me smile and laugh out loud, too!

I am glad to return the favor.

OB is so quiet to me, lately. What's up, hon? Are you upset at something I said?

Or, are you just tired? That fibro acting up again??

April 1, 2005
2:44 am
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bonita1
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(Sigh)

Guess you two are sleeping peacefully. Good for you. I will catch you another day. 🙁

April 1, 2005
3:06 am
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addicts wife
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Im here,
Just had a scrubbing frezy in the kitchen, cleaned the counters, microwave, toaster, Toaster oven, you name it, If it was inthere I scrubbed it...

I so wanna B-slap that mama... she is clearly in some major denial, or something, and I a mSooo non violent.
I hear ya' about not wanting to vent verthere, I was trying not to really say anything, but really wanted to...
I swear I heard birld singing, and sunlight brighter whe nI read that she told everything!!!
the angels were dancing and singing!!!!

April 1, 2005
3:10 am
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bonita1
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Yes, AW! I heard them too!! That's what made me so goofy!

April 1, 2005
3:10 am
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addicts wife
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I just dont geet how a mommy could deny a childs crisis, but then again, Idont know her issues, and My step sons mom is So totally in denial, but Its herself shes in denial about (abusive beligerant alcoholic.)Kinda neglectful too, He geets Things that he needs, but Not enough attention, he is starving for it, and it breaks my heart, cuz he's the sweetest kid.

anyway... our lil'Jgirl Is amazing!!!
I am praying that she doesnt have to grow up too quick becasue of this, bt shes lost some inocence here, that i wanna protect, thats why I like talking to her about drawing, and her pet, and child like stuff too.

April 1, 2005
3:13 am
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addicts wife
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Bone-nee-taaaahhhh,
IS U are sleep now??
I betcha are,
I so should drag my but to bed... I have a lot to do tomorrow, and my hands are all dried up from my cleaning chemicals I used in the kitchen, I had to refrain from Vacuuming at 2:45 AM, suppose the neighbors wouldnt dig it too much

April 1, 2005
3:18 am
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bonita1
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sorry I'm here just reading and blabbing on another thread

April 1, 2005
3:19 am
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bonita1
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Hey! I like vacuuming in the wee hours too!

When are you moving???

April 1, 2005
3:23 am
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bonita1
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AAAAAAAAA - Duuuuuubbb- uuullll----uuuuuu!!!!

wake up!! hee hee

naw, if you are sleepy go to bed. I'm still wired from my therapy session. It was at 9pm. She keeps late hours but I am always the last one.

It's about 12:30 AM here. And I am on non-work/vacation days for this whole week. My kidlets are on spring break too and it feels good not to have that responsibilty for a few days.

April 1, 2005
3:25 am
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bonita1
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Good night AW! Sweet Dreams!!

(((((((AW))))))) & muah, muah, (good old latin air kisses this time hee hee)

love, bonita

April 1, 2005
7:33 am
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gazelle
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I am officially talking about my boyfriend's ex here ... by analogy with an ongoing worrying situation close to us all here that people will hopefully recognise (hoping the relevant young personage isn't perusing this.) Does anyone think the mother could have mental health problems? Quite serious ones? This complete incompetence & inability or lack of natural desire to help - to protect - to offer comfort and healing and especially Love makes me fear for her state of mind.
Could she be addicted to drugs maybe, that cloud everything and leave her utterly 'out of it' & unable to face her child?

How I HOPE she is getting all the help she needs. The way things seem to be going, she may lose custody ...
What do people think?

Blessings of constant hopes & supportive vibes - Gazelle.

April 1, 2005
10:00 am
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mamacinnamon
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Hi Gazelle,

Yes, I am afraid she may lose custody and J will eventually wind up in foster care. Now, I'm the first to say the system sucks, and would never want a child in foster care just because there are bad foster parents out there that just do it for the money or the access to children, but I have wondered about mama's mental state, drugs, alcohol,....???? It's hard to say without knowing her. But something is amiss. On the other hand, maybe she got pregnant and didn't want the child in the first place. There are so so many senarios we could go thru.

Also, us all being or having been codependent... we are all caretakers. We are gonna be more likely to care for our kids because of who we are. We all have that commonality here.

Now is where it is really gonna be hard for our J. Either mom pulls her head out or J is gone. I am so grateful for Britney's mom, but I know J can't stay there forever. She has her family too. She sure has been God sent so far tho. I do appreciate her.

We just need to keep being supportive of J. Building her self esteem and confidence up. Let her know she is strong and that she WILL be able to handle anything that comes her way. The way she perceives things mentallly will be a big part of if she strives or falls.

Thank each of you for your time w/ J. Thank each of you for your prayers. Thank each of you just for being here. Just wanted ya'll to know you are appreciated.

April 1, 2005
11:10 am
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addicts wife
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Gazelle, mamaC,9everyone0
I have really sat and comtemplated what Js mom sissues may be, I thought the combo of Addictions and Mental health, andthen I wondered If hse was Just not a happy person at all and feels like a victim when anything happens around her, (not that that is anymore stable) But in my encounters with some people in the past, Ive experienced a frind who was a s ingle mom, who over reacted to Everypossible thing, was a yeller,and felt that everythingher child encountered victimized HER, (NOT havingthe ability to see that it is NOT all about her.)
ahe eventually got some help, her son is in a state home-intervention type of school now, and my friend is on the meds she needs, andstopped self medicating..she came from a very tumulcuous childhood herself and was in and out of ward of the state type schools...
There is definatly something up with Js mom, I dont now if we'll ever know what, but i keep praying for her, andpeople in her life, and will continue ot try and feed her self esteem, and strength, HSe is such an amazing young lady.
Andeveryone thats helped here w/her, andcommented on her well being etc truly warms my heart, and Is sooo appreciated.

April 1, 2005
5:00 pm
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orangeboy
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bonita! i'm not at all mad at you and haven't been, nor has the thought crossed my mind! i just can't seem to track you down in the same place at the same time which is weird, and i think you somehow missed all my posts to you on the other thread.

how did jigs get so sweet? i can kind of see her developing some codependent tendencies herself, which isn't a surprise given her situation. i think it's so good for her and for us to be able to connect. that was so incredibly sweet when she drew pictures of all of us as angels this morning. geez.

i too ahve wondered if her mom is an alcoholic, or just completely emotionally shut down, or if she's abusive to her too. i'm so grateful to her. i had a family like that that took me in when i was 14, protected me and stood up for me from my parents and treated me like i was their own. i still keep in touch with them now, way more than a decade later. it seems as though britney's mom is this same solid and consistent type of sweet caring person.

i too am really impressed with all of our counseling skills and how much support we've all been able to band together and give. i don't know that she's ever come here and not had complete support or someone to talk to. that's a pretty amazing accomplishment. and it seems, a fairly new experience for her, and probably a redeeming one for the world that she's known thus far...

i worry about her development of healthy self esteem and relationship with her body. i was wanting to say something to her about it, like wanting to encourage her to know that it's not her fault or her body's fault that this happened. like when she was talking about not wanting to go to the doctor, i was imagining her feeling ashamed and angry at her body, like it's her body's fault that it has girl parts. i want to say it's grandpa's fault and his alone. he's an adult, an elder even, and he should know better than anyone to not behave in such a way. i keep thinking that and wanting to say it, but i think that it coming from a guy would be inappropriate...whaddyou all think?

April 1, 2005
6:19 pm
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bonita1
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Hi everybody!

My internet connection was down today but I'm back now. I was going through internet withdrawal!!

April 1, 2005
6:21 pm
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bonita1
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Yes, gazelle, you are right, I think.

Mom has something other that a great deal of denial. She's probably self-medicating (drugs/alcohol) and is emotionally unavailable to our J.

April 1, 2005
6:23 pm
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bonita1
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Also, what was up with her spending the weekends away with her boyfriend a leaving j. to sleep over her g.'s house.

UGH! I really need to bitch slap her for that one!!!

April 1, 2005
6:26 pm
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bonita1
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OB-Wan,

I finally read your posts! They weren't there before when I looked yesterday! Probably was on too early since I'm home.

I, however, am on my way to the beach again with the kidlets. It's way too nice a day, warm, balmy, weather to stay inside in front of a computer.

Sorry, I love all you guys but I'm going outside to play!! and fly a kite!

love, bonita XXXOO

April 1, 2005
6:43 pm
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gazelle
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Indeed! But then - perhaps the mother is just another poor little victim too, who has been abused / neglected for longer & by more people, and never received the help, healing, protection & validation SHE needed. Perhaps the mother is very young herself ... if she had her daughter in her mid-teens? Perhaps she desperately needs a hug and self-esteem-building? Perhaps she had no role models herself to learn parenting skills from? Perhaps incest in the family has been silently 'accepted' & ongoing? I don't think even imagined violence can help. But how hypocritical am I?! I could certainly attack the grandfather in full conscience - even if he was victimised himself once.

Oh, how my heart aches to consider the possibilities! All this makes me SO upset. And helpless. Just to send silent prayers / vibes, I suppose...
And feel terribly sorry that at first I didn't fully believe J was authentic. I even thought she was a 'planted' made-up character to elicit our responses & teach us empathy & compassion & how to keep our ears to the ground to spot similar doings around our own lives. How distrusting & totally horrid was that?! I am SO ashamed. Please forgive me this confession. People like me being slow to believe is part of the problem. I shall always in future give the benefit of the doubt. (thanks for raising that phrase, Rasputin.)

April 1, 2005
6:46 pm
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gazelle
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I definitely DO believe it all now!

April 1, 2005
10:11 pm
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orangeboy
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wait, her mom went away and left her at the grandparents house!!! what!? i missed that. gazelle, definitely forgiven, the idea crossed my mind too.

April 2, 2005
5:48 am
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gazelle
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WARNING BELLS!

We really should NOT be telling a child to take medicines!!! Who knows what her Mum is on ... what may be in the bottles ... or whether a distressed child can take the correct dose. Also, she may be allergic to something. Also, we don't know what ELSE the child might be taking (tranquillisers?) that might have a bad reaction with any over-the-counter chemicals.

PLEASE only reassure her and encourage her to seek help: if not from her incompetent Mum, then from Britney's mum or social services or 911.

(I follow this all & pray along continuously. But I'm loth to join in since I don't want to confuse her with too many people. Plus, you people know how to talk to her best. I'm not American and speak to children differently, which may sound unfamiliar.)

Blessings of wisdom & love to all you lovely dear people - gazelle.

April 2, 2005
5:56 am
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gazelle
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Thanks, dear Orangeboy.

Another point: Throwing up is not the worst thing in the world.(Not to be stopped at all costs - even her health.) It makes us feel better in the immediate short term. It distracts us from worse pain / fears temporarily. It gets BAD STUFF OUT - undigested food and nasty experiences that "make us sick" metaphorically too. Bad stuff that could make us suffer worse if left to rot inside us.

Also, vomiting is dramatic, stinks, is noisy, attracts attention and raises the alarm. People will SEE how badly she needs help and care.

Sorry if I'm wrong - just thoughts.

April 2, 2005
6:09 am
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bonita1
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thanks gazelle

I only wanted her to find the chldrens tylenol

I have kids close to the same age so I know the proper dosage

However, I thought it best for her NOT to take what she had and I really would have rather she called 9-1-1

That would have gotten that bad excuse for a mom in trouble

I think she was probably drunk or high and couldn't get up

Geez Louise! I drag my butt out of bed for my kids!!! She can too unless she's under the influence

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