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I was molested as a child and now at age eighteen live my life with confusion over my sexual orientation? Did the molestation cause this? What should I do?
December 17, 2012
3:28 am
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Forum Posts: 1
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December 17, 2012
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I was sexually abused by an of older guy during my childhood, on multiple occasions. This has made figuring out my orientation quite upsetting,.

At age thirteen I became addicted to masturbation and I loved to look at women. However while I was in Junior High and on the school wrestling team I found myself geting turned on while checking out one of the younger guys. I had fantasies involving me and him, which I desperately fought to shove out of my head. At age fourteen I started to work out at the gym with my father, I found myself checking out some of the guys there and getting turned on. I tried talking to my father about it, but his extremely negative response made me shut up and I have NEVER tried discussing it with either of my parents since. At age fifteen I found myself beiing atracted to one of my friends in school and crushing on him..... HARD, to the point of which I ended up sobbing over my immense confusion over those feelings. I actually first started watching gay porn at  age sixteen after stumbling upon it while surfing the net. I eventually hit a wall of depression that killed my libido and I. I found myself going back to watching gay porn at seventeen and I ended up hitting that wall of depression again, however from that point until now I spent a fairly even ammount of time with Gay and Straight Porn. 


Also something that further compounds upon my confusion is how although I have tried in rea-life I do not get turned on by women, but I have been turned on by a number of other guys, and by turned on I mean my body was all hot and I was harder then Chinese Algebra.In porn I lean more towards women, outside of it it is a whole different ball game. And considering how by my own admission my ideal woman looks DAMN near like a bodybuilder with softer facial features.


The depression I deal with is more like a point where all of my own negativity and the years of verbal and emotional abuse I have lived through comes to the forefont of my mind to fuck with me. Which is essentially a shit-storm of sef-loathing. 


I don't know where these feelings come from, or what I should do? Should I go to a therapist and work it out from there? Or should I try and figure this stuff ou myself overtime?

"Science has not yet taught us if madness is or is not the sublimity of the intelligence." - Edgar Allen Poe

December 29, 2012
3:09 am
Forum Posts: 553
Member Since:
February 9, 2011
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Yes, being molested before might be a factor BUT since you're engaging yourself to a lot of sexual activities after that traumatic experience then that could have been the greatest factor of your sexual preference. You should have told your parents earlier about what happened to you as things could have been prevented on becoming worse. It might be best to submit yourself to a behavioral counselor so that proper advice and treatment will be given to you. Whatever your sexual preference is, it doesn't matter as long as you are okay and happy with it then so be it. In the end, it's your decision that matters the most.


Wishing you well.

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