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a bright and balanced life
July 10, 2011
5:13 pm
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gentle
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Hi everyone at AAC,

I'm starting a new thread not really knowing what to focus on yet because I don't know what, if anything, someone would be interested in talking about, with me! 

Shining Light talked with me a bit in Curious64's thread about being around positive people.  I liked that idea.  I also like the idea of working toward a brighter and more balanced future with self-help methods, hopefully with some friends who might be interested in the same thing for themselves.

I guess I'll start with what's on my mind right now--cognitive triangles, awareness wheels, and using them to better understand myself and my life, and to make more balanced and healthy decisions, and get to a place of more inner security and self respect.

These are two tools my therapist has shared with me that I'd like to get better at using. 

If no one posts here, guess I at least have a place I can practice using them!

I attend Recovery, International meetings, too, and there is good training there for cognitions and behaviors--some people call it "will" training.

I have a lot of therapy issues outside of what is discussed in the Recovery meetings, but those meetings are for daily trivialities of life only-no moral, ethical, legal, religious, political, etc.

Maybe here at AAC I can use some of the techniques I learn there on some of the more painful subjects...? maybe...or maybe will just stay with the "trivial"...we'll see, I guess.

Anyway, I thought the Self-Help would be a good division in the forums to start my own thread, 'cause that's what I'm working on doing--learning to help myself.

All my life I've been "looking for love in all the wrong places"--as that old country song goes.  And when I say old, I do mean old!

I'm needing to look UPWARD and INWARD for the love / light / positive regard / self-esteem / self-respect / balance / changes that I need, but it's been a rough road, not having a family behind me, and having been abandoned by a husband to raise children alone.  Made it through that, with the grace of the Lord, and now...they're all grown, and I have this "empty nest"--both in my home, and in my heart.Cry

I have to laugh though, as I look around--it's a cluttered nest more than an empty one--all these papers!!!  I have a hard time letting go of PAPERS.  So many years to sort through, so many memories I don't want to let go of, but need to sort through, and don't want to be triggered by, yet I also wish I didn't feel the burden of these piles and piles of papers.  Duality of thought and will is a big problem of mine.

I've tried Flylady.net to get some help, and I stick with it for a while, but then I fall off the wagon of routines and home blessings, and get discouraged.

In Recovery, we're told, "symptoms interfere with plans" and that is so true for me, with trying any new program or activity.  I have good intentions, but when my nervous symptoms rise, they stop me in my tracks and I sure have a hard time desiring to get going again.

Anyway, back to the cognitive triangle and the awareness wheel...

I'm going to see if it's possible to get a triangle on this page.  Let's see...nope.  I'll try from my Word document on my desktop, then.  Jezzaminit.

Nope again.  Tried to paste in a triangle from a word document; no luck.  Tried to paste in a picture of an awareness wheel.  No luck there, either.

If anyone in AAC can teach me how to put a picture or figure or image in here, I'd appreciate the tutoring...

So...

A cognitive triangle is a triangle with the three points labeled as 1) feelings/sensations; 2) thoughts; and 3) behaviors/actions.

So I'm going to imagine a triangle here:  Λ  (closest I could get!)

here's the top point:  feeling(s)/sensation(s):  headache; hunger

here's the bottom right-hand point:  thought(s): "I really should get something to eat and take a break from being on the computer now."

here's the bottom left-hand point:  behavior(s)/action(s):  ?????

okay, here's where I make my decision to take care of my physical needs, my emotional needs, my social needs, etc.

I'm not going to fill that one in right now because I also want to list the things on the "awareness wheel" and be able to close this post before I make that decision...

An awareness wheel often has five sections, rather than the three in the cognitive triangle.

So an awareness wheel would be in the shape of a circle with five sections, or it could be in the shape of a big flower--I kind of like that-an awareness flower! Smile

The sections or "petals" could have these labels in them (or something close): 1) I sense; 2) I think; 3) I feel; 4) I want; 5) I do...

So, if I were to process or use the awareness "flower" for the same thing I was writing about, above, to make a decision, I would fill in the "petals" with...

1) I sense...hunger and headache coming on

2) I think...I need to eat, and take a break from the computer

3) I feel...duality/divided will/frustration because my mind wants something different from my body

4) I want...both to take a break and eat, AND to keep going.

5) I do (will)...take a break, because past experience tells me that I obsess when I get on the computer and forget about EVERYTHING else, and I know my body needs attention and care and I've promised my body that I WILL take better care of it!!!

because...taking better care of my body adds to a bright and balanced life

...and that's what I want!

Well, bye for now...hope somebody comes to join me here on this thread. It would be nice to work together on this!

Otherwise, it'll just be me...myself...and I.  Laugh  Well, three's better than one, right? Laugh

~ gentle

July 10, 2011
7:00 pm
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ShiningLight
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Hi gentle,

 

So glad to see you've created a new topic in here. Well, it's a good start and many will definitely like and support this thread of yours. I think the 5 "Petals" you've created is of great self-help method that can be used by anybody in the forum. To sense, to think, to feel, to want and to do is actually a very good concept to manage yourself on things you like and you don't like. Nice one gentle, keep it up.

 

Anyway, since you're working on helping yourself attain a bright and balanced life the following pages might help you:

1 . http://www.allaboutcounseling......self-help/

2.  http://www.allaboutcounseling......self-help/

3.  http://www.allaboutcounseling......e-therapy/

 

Keep posting and take care. Laugh

July 10, 2011
7:25 pm
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gentle
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Thank you, Shining Light!

I read the links you gave me.  Liked the information and also linked to a good article about mindfulness in conflict resolution.

So glad AAC is here.

thanks for being my first pen pal here Smile

bye for now

~ gentle

July 11, 2011
9:41 am
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gentle
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some Recovery work on an event occuring right now in another support group:

  •     temper (fearful temper or angry temper) is an intellectual blindness to the other point of view, other perspective, or other side of the story
  •     she is in fearful temper
  •     she is blind to the other side of the story
  •     her feelings will rise and fall and run their course if she does not attach danger to them
  •     people do things that irritate, not to irritate
  •     she is no better, no worse, than any other member of the group
  •     she can drop the excessive responsibility
  •     she has no duty to overdo
  •     the impulse to step in and take over
  •     the thought of danger; replace with the thought of security
  •     peace over power
  •     an action can turn into a habit; a habit may turn into an addiction
  •     what are your thoughts? (they are too angry and hurt for me to write here, right now)
  •     what are your sensations? (tension
  •     what are your feelings? (frustration; tension; anger! hopelessness; helplessness)
  •     what are your impulses? (to strike out at her; to talk back to her; to verbalize; to be sarcastic; to say something angry to her!; to quit the group; to not post to the group any more; to cancel therapy session tomorrow; to verbalize anger at family members and their frustrating dragging of feet and complaining to and about each other!; to take some medicine; to go lie down and forget about it)  
  • where is the fearful temper? (wrong for telling true thoughts and feelings; wrong for naming names; wrong for trying so hard - too hard; wrong for raising issues that nobody else wants to talk about; wrong for having these feelings! wrong for wanting what I can't have!)
  • where is the angry temper? (wrong for confirming in one sentence and denying in the next; wrong for letting in so many group members! and having so few moderators! wrong for ignoring! wrong for telling everybody to shut up and just do what they have to do!)
  •     Is there a right or wrong in issues that are neither moral, ethical, or legal? no
  •     Is this an average domestic issue? yes
  •     Is there a group principle here? yes
  •     Is there an individualistic purpose here? yes
  •     Which purpose should overbalance the other, in group life? the group purpose; the group principle
  •     service vs domination
  •     symbolic victory vs actual victory over temper from within or from outside
  •     foreign spotting
  •     outer environment (all of them; the whole group; the computer; everything outside own skin--cannot control it! can only hope to favorably influence--and that only SOMETIMES!)

Awareness Wheel

1) I sense…i have formed a dependency upon or an addiction to the group i am upset about.

2) I think…it's not healthy for me to be addicted to a group for approval and support.

3) I feel…sorry and sad that i don't feel i can make it on my own, and i don't feel i can make it with them, either.  I feel...worried about the power of these feelings.  I feel...worried about my family and their separation and conflicts.  I feel...worried about my mental, emotional, and physical health.  I feel...tired.  I feel...obsessed.  I feel...frustrated.  I feel...hyper-alert.  I feel...tense.  I feel...sad.  I feel...guilty.

4) I want…to feel better.  I want...to drop this anxiety.  I want...to rest.  I want...to forget about these conflicts that I can't solve right now.

5) I do (will)…(did) take some medicine...I will go and lie down and listen to some music and sleep and replace these thoughts with new thoughts that I like more...because…I want...a brighter and more balanced life, and it feels too dark and unbalanced, and sad right now, to even bear.time replaces other time

  • will to hope
  • motionless lying (down)
  • fearful and angry temper in the form of JEALOUSY

why are thou wroth, and why is thy countenance fallen? if thou doest well, thou shalt be accepted.

but i am NOT doing well. so i do not feel accepted.

i need to re-set, and do well, again. please, Father, help me re-set myself, and try again. Thank You, Father.

July 15, 2011
8:16 am
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gentle
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Awareness

1) I sense…need, inside of me that I can't identify or fill.  I sense...queasiness, inability to sleep soundly...I sense...frantic frustration...I sense...belief in hope, but disconnection and forgetfulness that is keeping me away from it...I sense...need to repair shame...I sense...need to calm body and nervous system primarily...I sense...anxiety that is not always up on the surface...I sense...fear that I have not identified or that I have suppressed.  I sense...queasiness in stomach, weaknes in arms, tension in back, neck, legs, hips...I sense...need for sleep is getting greater but sleep is not improving

2) I think…I really need to get my new medication adjusted, my sleep adjusted, my digestion adjusted.

3)
I feel…sad.

4) I want…help with this but don't know who to ask for help.

5) I do...know that this feels new, and that is part of the fear.  I do...want to feel better and function better.  I do...need more sleep.  I do...wish I could get my schedule and routine in order and make some productive efforts but I feel I am spinning my wheels (I sense...feeling of spinning my wheels--not making progress; being a hamster caught in a wheel; I remember reading that hamsters can get so addicted to running in their wheels that they want to stop but can't and some run until they drop from exhaustion and die, so the owner has to take their wheel away for a while.  Is that what's happening to me?????

------------------------------

1) I sense...I need to get off this..."hamster wheel" I'm in.

2) I think...it has to do with the other therapy group, my personal therapy, and my home and its needs and my needs within it and my own nervous system and its needs, too.

3) I feel...sick, in my head and in my stomach.  I feel inadequate to fulfil all my responsibilities. I feel...queasy and head-pressured.  I feel...tired, but unable to sleep.

4) I want...to sleep, somehow, and "reset" my self and my life!!!!

5) I do...something, but never get ahead, because I accomplish more slowly than life gives more to face.

July 15, 2011
7:08 pm
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ShiningLight
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gentle,

 

Maybe you need time to relax everything. Take out all your worries and wash away all your fears by facing them and trusting yourself enough to conquer it all. Lessen your thinking habits during the night so you can sleep properly. One step at a time gentle and everything will be fine. Life is as gentle as your nic as long as you gently handle it the way you want it to be. Smile and the world will smile with you.

 

Wishing you well. BIG ((HUGS))Wink

July 18, 2011
9:30 pm
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gentle
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Hello Shining Light,

Thank you for your message, suggestions, and encouragement.  Have taken some time to relax with a son and daughter in law and grandbaby and it has helped.  Also working with new medication from doctor.  Still hanging in there.  🙂  bye for now.

August 4, 2011
7:26 am
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Gentle - Sorry I have not responded for a while, but I have been going through some stuff of my own and didn't feel able to contribute much that was very positive.

Glad to hear you have had some good time to visit with family.   Babies are the best anti-depressant in the world.  When I see my 18 month old niece and nephew  all my problems just seem to fall away.

It appears from what I have read that you are working on a lot all at once.   My therapist has suggested a slow approach since part of my problem is my plate being too full already.   she told me if she gives me too much to work on at once that it will in itself cause me added stress.  I am working on some positive affirmations and on self-talk with the 10-year-old inside who did not mature emotionally as she should have.   It has been pretty tough, but I think it is working.  

I hope this finds you still doing well and finding some ways to relax.   Have a super and blessed day!

((((((((((((((((HUGS!!))))))))))))))))

January 25, 2013
3:51 pm
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gentle
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From Curious 64:

"...It appears from what I have read that you are working on a lot all at once.   My therapist has suggested a slow approach since part of my problem is my plate being too full already.   she told me if she gives me too much to work on at once that it will in itself cause me added stress.  I am working on some positive affirmations and on self-talk with the 10-year-old inside who did not mature emotionally as she should have.   It has been pretty tough, but I think it is working..."

Hi, Curious 64: I haven't visited here for more than a year. Thought I'd say hello and tell you that I'm needing a slow approach, too. Right now, today, I'm trying to focus on helping meet at least one daily need for: 1) Body; 2) Mind; 3) Heart (Feelings/Emotions); and 4) Spirit.  Your guess that I'd been working on a lot all at once was true and has been true. It happens a lot, and I have to pull back and focus on what is essential.
Thank you for sharing about your ten-year-old inside. I appreciate that trust. I hope she is doing well, with your nurturing. Best wishes.
gentle
February 7, 2013
9:21 am
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Aladin
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I guess, "We live life in the fast lane. We don't always have time to finish everything we started and sometimes, we don't even have the time to start anything at all. However, with the help of the right time management strategies, we can make time for everything!"

February 15, 2013
1:37 pm
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gentle
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Aladin wrote:
I guess, "We live life in the fast lane. We don't always have time to finish everything we started and sometimes, we don't even have the time to start anything at all. However, with the help of the right time management strategies, we can make time for everything!"

 

Hello Aladin

I appreciate your comment. Just this morning I've realized I need to work on time management in a more focused way. I'm not sure if that will help me have time for everything, but it will definitely help me have time for more than I'm doing now. I'm going to start with setting up a schedule for my water exercise in the week, and focus on becoming reliable about going there for each of those three times per week.

Take care,

gentle

February 15, 2013
3:08 pm
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onedaythiswillpass
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Management strategies sounds like a whole new business for psychologists and course leaders in both High School & College.  Aren't people clever?

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