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Why I can't have an stable relationship???
September 10, 2002
3:05 am
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Leona
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In the next days I'm going to turn 32 and I don't know why I can't have a good relationship with man....I used to have all the time success in work and all concerning to financial matters but always in the side of the relationships I'm a disaster!! I have been passing a lot of depressions all my life, and all is because my relationships...I think I'm attractive,inteligent and caring person,but nothing of that help me. All the time the start in my relationships are fantastic, but with the time passing, all turn in hell!, sometime I thought that I have a codependancy in the "new begginings" but I have a panic to the commitment, or I like so much the man that I can't imagine my self with just one all my life...But the truth is that when I had fight for a relationship he is very conflictive, but when he fights for me I'm the one that is conflictive..This moment is crucial for me because I gave up everything in my life (career,residence(I'm from South America and I moved to Europe) and status level) to follow this new relationship that I thought "this is the one" but right now I'm so depressed because the only thing that I have in my mind is to finish with everythig(we have living together only two months)but this time I need to start from cero because I don't have nothig, and he don't have a good financial situation...I feel so pathetic in times that the only thing that I want is sleep all day to avoid my reality...I really don't know if is better start again but never tought again in man or hold this situation for more time...

September 10, 2002
3:41 pm
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gingerleigh
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Hi Leona,

Any relationship will be unstable when that is your sole focus and number one goal in your life path. Not that a relationship isn't important, but when you put all of your happiness eggs in one basket being held by another person, it's dangerous to your eggs. (1) The other person might drop the basket accidentally. After all, we are all only human and make mistakes. (2) Holding someone else's happiness eggs is a HUGE responsibility, with a lot of pressure. Whoever is holding your basket might just crack under the pressure, or throw the basket down in sheer frustration.

*smile* I think I remember a little of your story from one of the other boards. Is this the English gentleman that you left your home country for? Moving to a new place, let alone a new country can be really stressful all by itself, and if you don't know anyone there, you naturally will tend to focus all your attention on your partner. This is understandable. And this will cause a conflict because to him it might feel like you are smothering or controlling him, and to you it might feel like he is abandoning you if he is trying to continue on with his life as it was before you moved there.

What are you doing for yourself in this new land you live in? Are you going to school, or do you have a job or career? How about friends? Do you have a group of friends or even just one that you know outside of your partner? As you feel good about yourself in your new country for the things that you do all by yourself, your confidence will grow, your sparkle will come back, and your relationship will probably improve a lot as your partner stops feeling like you are so desperate to hold onto him. He will feel like this confident charming and beautiful lady has chosen to be with him as part of her rich and fulfilling life, and wow, what a compliment!

See where I'm going? Becoming happier with your relationship starts with you becoming happier with yourself. Sounds hokey, but it's true.

So... wanna talk some more about you and what makes you happy?

September 10, 2002
9:46 pm
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syqg
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If you have to ask whether to stay or start over.....that's your instincts telling you something...listen to your instincts.

September 12, 2002
2:14 pm
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tracylyn
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Leona,

Follow your heart, what does it tell you?

Gingerleigh,

I love the egg metaphore....kind of puts it all in perspective in a very simple way. Thanks!

September 13, 2002
1:31 pm
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gingerleigh
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*smile*

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