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Starry, Christine and anyone else...........
November 1, 2004
3:53 pm
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starryslp
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Thanks Cristine, for the encouragment...How was basic? That is what I worry most about, if I can make it through.

November 1, 2004
4:00 pm
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Cristine
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I went in realizing that it was only a few weeks of my life, and that they were just messing with me to "mold" me... not taking any of it personally. The exercise was easy... the mind games are what got to most. I didn't care. They can't HIT you... so yelling is nothing! :o) And, when you get out, it's a job, just like any other job. If you don't like it, you tell them to screw themselves... it just takes them longer to fire you for it, and you have something on your "record" for life... I kept in mind that it was just a job, and only a job... and that all jobs are actually volunteer. It's not like in Israel where I hear that you have to do 2 years mandatory....

November 1, 2004
4:02 pm
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starryslp
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I love the fact that it is a guaranteed job, and you retire in 20 years....and in the Army, I know you can pick your job.

Where were you based? Did you have a say in that?

November 1, 2004
4:15 pm
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Cristine
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Because of my ASVAB score, I got to pick the job I wanted, and from there, every duty station I had. I chose Component Level Electronics Repair. The first 2 years were nothing but school, but that was great because it all counted for college credit! I got married after school, and at that time, men and women who were married with a dependent (child) could not both be stationed on ships at the same time. So, I stayed on shore duty my whole tour, and the same duty station. For school, I was in Florida, Chicago and Virginia. And ended up staying in VA. I really like it here, but I originally joined to do Operation Deep Freeze. I wanted to go to Antarctica to a communications base they had there, but they closed it off to women in my last few weeks of my second school (total of 4 schools, 2 years).

Whatever you do, don't go in without a job guarantee out of basic. Even if they tell you that you'll get it while IN basic... don't do it. If your test scores are high enough, they will guarantee you a school and a job rating. Don't let them tell you that what you want isn't available... wait until it is. You don't ever have to sign something until you are satisfied, even if they tell you different.

November 1, 2004
4:36 pm
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Cactus
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Hi Christine,
"I'm back" I've just been reading over your posts and while I'm going to say something that's probably going to be unpopular I'm gonna do say it anyway. The question I first need to ask is how close of a friend were you with this person before this argument? And on a scale from 1 to 10 what do you think? Even though the fur is flying between you two now and it appears that you've severed your relationship do you think you will miss her? Just curious.

-Cactus

November 1, 2004
4:46 pm
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Cristine
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Cactus... I'd say, on a scale of 1 to 10... probably a 6.5, maybe an 7? We always hung out together at work, ate lunch together, I talked to her about everything, she talked to me, we have gone out a few places, but I don't really call her on the weekends, after work, or anything like that. Lunch consisted of us always doing things she wanted, errands, restaurants, etc... The friendship seemed to be very one sided, me supporting and listening to her most of the time, that is why I didn't give it a higher score. This is the first time I've ever disagreed with her, I never really was asked my opinion before, it was more about her getting attention and giving her dramas an audience. I didn't have a problem with that, until she asked my opinion this time. Will I miss her? I don't think so. I'm making more friends, have a strong social base, and didn't spend time with her socially after work. I have taken a stand to establish boundaries in my life, and while I can't control the behavior of others, I have every right to determine whether I will keep them in my life when my boundaries are violated. I won't have people in my life anymore that don't treat me with integrity... and I'm holding myself to the same standards, to treat others with integrity. I could have jumped all over her, I didn't. I told her that I understood that she didn't accept my boundaries, thanked her for her past friendship, and let it go peacefully and with dignity... I thought.. :o) This opens me up to spend more time cultivating healthy relationships with healthy people, and not one way relationships where I'm doing the work and getting crapped on.

November 1, 2004
5:08 pm
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Cactus
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Hey Christine,
Well I guess I don't have to say something unpopular now. It doesn't appear that this was a friendship in the true sense of the word. I've had "aquaintences" like that and as long as they remained in their respective boxes I could endure them but when they infringed on my boundaries tossing them on the scrap heap were no big deal.

I asked these probing questions because I recently had to sever a friendship with a friend of mine (and my ex) because she failed to "enlighten me" about my ex's extra-cirricular activities (cheating with another guy) even though she classified me as an "older brother".
Even though at the time it was in my mind the right thing to do I did miss her and I didn't realize it untill after a couple months had passed and I saw her at a divisional strategic planning event. I e-mailed her and told her that while we'll never probably agree on the situation it wasn't worth us never speaking to one another again. She never e-mailed me back and while I have meetings with her and the ex both ignore me and act like I don't exist. I guess the moral is just make sure that bridge is worth burning because as you can see it's hell trying to recross again. I was never mad at her I was just very hurt but even now that doesn't matter what's done is done. Just a thought.

-Cactus

November 1, 2004
5:12 pm
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starryslp
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I truly believe that you have a few " friends" within your life. Most people you may classify as friends, are more aquaintances.

I try not to put all my heart into everyone I meet....except guys I guess...they I give everything too.LOL

November 1, 2004
5:13 pm
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Anonymous
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I think that friendships are so in and out at times, there are the rough times and the good times, and I honestly think that you need to get through the rough times to have a real relationship, no relationship is just a bunch of roses, normally they get shit on once and a while. BUt I DO AGREE that there is a fine line, and if it is a true friend they will not cross that line. I have very strict boundaries with friends, I wish I had the same for other relationships, I think cristine that you did what you felt you needed to do, and right now that is what matters the most, sometimes people don't see their actions because they are blinded

November 1, 2004
5:19 pm
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Cristine
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Well, Cactus... then you and I agree on one thing. I don't burn bridges until I know I don't want to cross back over them. That is why I held on to a relationship for 3 1/2 years.. just in case things got better and I wanted to go back. They say you continue to learn the lesson until you have learned it... well, this is a lesson I learned quickly. That people treat you how you ALLOW them to treat you. When they don't treat you correctly, you disassociate and disattach in love and with kindness. I told her my boundaries and gave her the option of accepting them or not, and deciding what hers were. She really didn't like that, and her email back to me was just as nasty as the previous. I emailed back and disattached, with respect and kindness. I even thanked her for her past friendship, and acknowledged that I accepted that she didn't accept my boundaries. I didn't argue, or restate my boundaries, or defend myself against her attack. It just wasn't necessary.

And, I did a lot of thinking about her behavior towards others OUTSIDE of our friendship, and I didn't want it to continue based on that also. We have a mutal friend that is her room mate. Well, this girl has made some mistakes, and was about to get fired a few weeks ago. Leslie found out that she was going to get fired, and instead of approaching this girl with love and kind of warning her, she kept it to herself, badmouthing her the whole time. Then, when the girl go fired, Leslie rushed in with the "I told you so's," and the "You did this to yourselves," but took me aside and created this whole drama where she was suddenly concerned that this girl would harm herself and how worried she was... and now, is telling the girl if she doesn't come up with rent that she's going to kick her out. And, she's acting like she doesn't understand WHY this girl is upset, cause "I couldn't help the fact that they fired her, and me telling her wouldn't have changed the fact that they were going to fire her." OH, and she referred another friend for this fired friend's job, and the girl had an interview WHEN the friend was there, that is how the girl who got fired found out she was getting canned. The whole boyfriend, but accepting gifts from stalker man, was a whole other issue. The things she's told me she's said to my x bf... and then her calling me names after asking for my opinion and then continuing to do so, even today... I don't want her in my life anymore. Bridge burned, ashes buried.

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