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Should I get rid of my therapist and join a CODA group instead?
December 4, 2002
10:19 pm
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Anonymous
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December 4, 2002
10:41 pm
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Anonymous
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I really don't understand how all this works, I've never done a chat thing before so I messed this up. I just found out about the subject of codependence and realized this is my "life" problem. I have bipolar, am married to a man who verbally abuses me alot and is pretty cold (he has Aspergers Syndrome). I have a son, who has Aspergers and is 5 (he's in Special Ed.) and a daughter who is 4. We have a lot of communication problems in the marriage and my emotional needs are never really met. But he's great with the kids and he does have other good qualities. I come from a background of mental illness in my family. As a child I was verbally, physically, sexually abused and emotionally neglected within my family mostly because of my brother who was 4 years older being a schizophrenic. When I went to my parents for help, they said it was my fault for not staying away from my brother. They never protected me and criticized everything I did and am. I am pretty stabilized on medication now but I want to stop individual therapy because I feel like it continues this cycle of feeling sorry for myself, looking back at my past which doesn't accomplish anything but make me more depressed and it's a big burden on the family finances. My old therapist in the city recommended getting into a CODA support group but I'm scared to give up individual therapy because it's like a life preserver. I want to get on with my life and let go and be happy and stop concentrating on my problems all the time. My current therapist also makes me feel guilty everytime I bring up the subject of stopping. Does anyone think getting into a support group would be better, in a way, to break this cycle of dependence on a therapist and looking back on a past I can't change or is it crazy to think with my history, my bipolar, my emotionally unavailable husband that I can just make it in a support group setting? Any ideas?

December 5, 2002
11:25 am
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Anonymous
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Hi Sunny,
Glad you posted. Welcome. Basically you post your problem or idea and people respond if they can offer any help or ideas. I find that the general area gets lots more postings then here.
I think support groups are great. I also find therapist work well too if you can afford them.
In my area, I go to a Al-Anon support group cause they don't have any CODA groups convenient for me.
I have read alot about them on the internet and went as far as running off info for starting a group in this area if I want to in the future.
Only you know for sure what is best for you. We can offer feedback but ultimately it is your choice. 🙂
I personally find that reviewing ones history is beneficial in self discovery. If we don't know where we have been (denial) we can't become aware of who we are and take steps to change ourselves.
Any twelve step program has a step four which is a inventory. So I recommend that you think about having your counselor/therapist available when opening up wounds of the past. If you can't afford it then free support groups are also beneficial if you choose a sponsor.
Welcome, and keep posting!

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