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Relationship addiction
November 13, 2002
10:17 am
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mj
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I have always been addicted to love. I think it started when my father divorced my mother when I was 13. My dad immediately remarried his first cousin. My mother married an alcoholic a few months later. My stepfather gave me the creeps. He seemed very lecherous.Between my mom's anger and resentment and my stepdad's creepiness, I went to live with my dad and his wife at age 14. This is when my dad abandoned me totally. I recently figured out that all these years I have been searching for love in all the wrong places. At present, My father doesn't have anything to do with me and my stepfather is now deceased. My mother is complaining about her horrible relationship with her boyfriend of over 23 years. So here I am, 45, married for my 4th time and knowing that only I can make me happy. So why do I fear being alone? Is it because of childhood issues? Marriage is pure hell for me most the time. I dread our time together because he is so negative. Why was I attracted to him? Fear of being alone? Yes. My daughter moved away and I was all alone. Why am I staying? Excuse #3002 Because I am afraid to get a job and take care of myself. My husband is nice, stable, kind, sometimes mean when he is drinking, boring, and just the way he was before. He hasn't changed at all. I have. I broke my ankle after being married 3 months. Funny thing was I was on my way out the door to move back to my home and end my marriage. My life is so different now. No home to run to, no job, fear, and frusturation. How did I do this to myself?

November 13, 2002
10:24 am
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mj
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My brother sent me this link http://members.tripod.com/~ami.....ening.html
It has so much truth to it. Hope you can enjoy it too
Happy Healing

November 18, 2002
11:39 pm
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Anonymous
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I always hunted for love and with the wrong person, I has been married for five years I my life is a hell and the problem is that I didn't have the courege to leave it because I fear to be alone in life this is all my problem feel lonely.this relation start in abuse five year ago and continue the same I dont't know why I cann't ended I want to be free and be myself again I dont want to feel depress like almost all the time I fell;I know is a light and the end and I belive I will reached

November 19, 2002
11:39 am
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Anonymous
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Hi Mercury,
Thanks for sharing. We are not alone and with support we can weather any storm. I have been feeling really confused lately. One minute every thing seems fine then the next minute I feel like life isn't worth living. I went out yesterday and got 2 job applications and before I knew it I was in so much physical pain from my ankle that I came home and slept 12 hours. I know I need to take care of me first. It is so hard to know if we are causing our own grief or if our feelings are correct. You say you have been married 5 years. What is it like on a day to day basis?

November 24, 2002
10:40 am
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Anonymous
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Today is a New Day.
I left my husband last night. I am tired of the tirades, manipulation, put downs, and angry outbursts.

November 27, 2002
10:46 am
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Anonymous
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Sometimes I feel like I am just talking to myself on these threads.

November 27, 2002
4:41 pm
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Anonymous
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You're not talking to yourself. I am new here, just found the board about fifteen minutes ago.

So what's your story? You can see mine above -- it's long.

That was very brave of you to leave your husband. I am currently trying to find the cajones, myself.

If you don't see this til later, hope you have a good turkey day! šŸ™‚

sixfootblond

November 28, 2002
8:19 am
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Anonymous
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Thanks and welcome to our board.
Hope you have a Good Thanksgiving.
I went back to my hubby on Sunday nite, and then left again last night.
Today I will concentrate on getting my life back on track. A new track.I am temporarily staying at my brothers. I am unemployed recovering from a broken ankle over a year. I have only been married for over a year. As you can see this site doesn't get much action. Most people post on general but I feel like I am codependent. I attend an AlAnon support group once a week.

November 28, 2002
8:34 am
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Anonymous
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Scream.....I am so frusturated this morning. My life is topsyturvy again. I need to just breathe.

November 28, 2002
8:34 am
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Scream.....I am so frusturated this morning. My life is topsyturvy again. I need to just breathe.

November 30, 2002
9:55 am
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Anonymous
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Wow, I survive another mini crisis.
I am back at home with my husband.
It actually feels good. I hated not having my material things. I hated feeling like I didn't belong anywhere.
My hubby and I are talking. He told me that he really loves me and wants us to be happy. It feels so good to beable to say and express things to him now. He is listening to me. I feel content.

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