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November 18, 2002
9:51 pm
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Anonymous
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I have reached a crisis in my life. I feel that I must be the main care giver and fix all person, and not take care of me. I have recently been asked for a divorice as I can not accept his female friend, in ther meantime he has been seriously hurt in an accident and I feel as his wife need to care for him and cant leave, as I feel the divorice is my fault because I was not able to accept his friend, or my depression. I am to join a group for codependent people, has anyone out there been to one and do they help?? I have searched the net and found so much I am not sure what is good and what isnt. thanks to anyone who can help me.

November 19, 2002
8:04 am
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When married......you do what is best for the marriage and your spouse................he should give up ANY friend, especially female that is causing the marriage problems. It is that simple. I do not know more about your relationship to respond to you about it, but the one thing you mentioned is clear, very clear to me........for whatever reason you give, the old "friend" should be history and the marriage worked on by the both of you. I wish you all the best. (And don't let anyone tell you any different on this, especially him......the friend should be history!)

November 19, 2002
11:34 am
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Hi,
Be True to Thy self.
Support of any kind is essential. I am glad you are posting here. It's nice to have someone to talk to. Did he file for the divorce before his accident?

November 19, 2002
8:00 pm
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To mj, no he did not file any papers before the accident. I am going to a codependcey meeting tomorrow that my theapist advised I go to. Not sure what to expect but maybe it will help me understand things. have you or anyone else out there read the book codependcey no more? is it insightful? Also, the "friend" was here earlier today, so I left for awhile, neither understand my concerns or feelings. thank you for reading.
Silly

November 20, 2002
10:24 am
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Good luck with the support group. I attend one every Wednesday and it helps me so much. I focus on me and that is what helps me change what I don't like about me. I can't change anyone but myself.
I read Melody Beattie's books back in the 80's and probably need to again. They were very helpful then. I have her daily meditation book that I read every morning too.

November 20, 2002
3:26 pm
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I've read all off Melodies books and I keep the daily mediations by my bed to read each morning.

The Codependents guide to the twelve steps is very helpful and would probably be great once you start going to the CODA meetings.

Be well and good luck

November 20, 2002
9:17 pm
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hey thanks to everyone! I went to my first coda meeting today and got a lot of insights and found out that there are other women like me(the group was all women)I look forward to next weeks meeting. What is Melody Beatties meditation book entitled, I think I'd like to try this out. thanks again!

November 22, 2002
6:23 pm
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I believe its the language of letting go but I'll have to check downstairs later and get back with you.
I am so glad you liked the group:)

November 22, 2002
6:56 pm
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It is title "Language of Letting Go"
Daily mediations for codependents.

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