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New to this...please give me your feedback
November 27, 2002
4:33 pm
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Anonymous
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September 24, 2010
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Quick history. I am a 25 yr old woman of a recovering 3 generation alcoholic who beat the addiction before I was born, then became an alcohol & drug abuse counselor, married to a very timid dependent mother who was constantly battling deep depression. This threw the whole house into dark moods. My father battled leukemia until I was 14, at which point he died. Leaving me to cope with my mother who was constantly threatening suicide. She was so scared to come out of the house and get a job, drive a car...we're talking the quintessential southern belle who was all too happy to let Dad take care of her. Dad was my world. Funny, strong, loving, perfect father. I couldn't believe he left me with her.

Throughout high school, dated many guys, cheerleader, class pres, editor of the yearbook, did everything right. Lots of friends, I am the natural clown. Home was usually depressing and I wanted to get away from mom. Met and ended up marrying a nice guy who I knew I would be safe with. He had a bad temper, jealous, drinking problems and we have come a long way. Married almost 6 years now, together for 8.

Lately been realizing I have needs in this relationship that aren't being met. Since he does still have the same temper sometimes, not comfortable talking to him. We don't talk about our problems. Oh God no, can't do that! I have a friend who has recently become more than a friend in my eyes. His eyes, too -- he confessed to feelings for me. I am having an awful time leaving my husband. In short I am terrified. Terrified to end up alone. This is a totally irrational fear, since I am a tough successful woman. My therapist aunt says I have classic signs of codependency. I am going to begin the search for a counselor after Thanksgiving.

Any ideas? Help.

November 28, 2002
8:31 am
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Anonymous
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Happy Turkey Day!
Thanks for sharing. I have been visiting these boards for a few months. Have you read any of Melody Beattie's Books? Codependent No More, and More about Codependency. I also read a daily meditation "Language of Letting Go".
Personally, I believe that ending a relationship is cleaner if you are not involved with anyone else. But you suggest you are so focusing on why you are ending the relationship and for what reasons is probably a good place to start. I am ending my relationship so that I can be happy and not fighting all the time. My husband is making me insane. I don't see anything that he is saying as the truth. Our realities are so different. He likes to blame me for everything. Last night, our fight was over me venting my feelings about an uninvited guest.

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