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Is this what this support site is for?
December 2, 2008
11:08 pm
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Angeltears
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I have been looking for a place to talk and feel safe. I am deeply saddened by the things that I have seen here at allaboutcounseling. It seems as though there are some very sweet and genuine people, then it seems as though there are some people with some real issues. Assumptions, name calling, fuck yous flying everywhere, ridicule, people who are certain that they are better than the rest, people making accusations that can't be proven, among another hundred things that to me are sad.

I won't stay here long, because trust is something that I struggle to do. I thought that it may be safe for me to do just that on an anonymous forum. Especially when it was recommended by my therapist as a good place. I fear being more screwed up if I stay.

I don't care how long any of you have been here or anything else. Yes, I can assume that all are here with issues that brought them here. However, what I see is a bunch of narcissistic, self centered, selfish, rude, people with a few sincere nice ones mixed in the bunch.

Are any really sincere? Does anyone have any idea of a site that this kind of stuff isn't tolerated? I am in serious need of some help, and you all make me nervous.

Just thought you may all want to know how you appear to the outside eye, and to newbees needing some advice and help. Maybe those of you who have been here for "years" whether it was from dinasour ages or whatever have been here too long. Maybe you are so paranoid that you make it what you want it to be?

This site was recommended, I will assure my therapist that I wouldn't recommend it again if I were her. Some of us really have a motive to get healthy. I believe you may have all came here with that motive, but in my opinion, many of you are toxic.

I have been brutally raped and beaten. I don't want to be accused of being your neighbor or girlfriend or whatever.

I wish you all peace and health in your futures. I am sure though, that it won't come from the way you all treat each other here.

December 2, 2008
11:21 pm
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MsGuided
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WTG Angeltears...you hit the nail on the head.

I'm sorry you have come here and see this crazyness when you need support.

Very sad.

December 2, 2008
11:29 pm
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Angeltears
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My perspective is that it seems really unhealthy that on a "support" site anyone has to have a "thread" that they can feel safe in. Does that really make sense to anyone? Have you all not suffered enough without the abuse from one another? I have a very sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Again, if any of you have any suggestions as to where I can go that this behaviour is not acceptable, that would be appreciated.

December 2, 2008
11:41 pm
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MsGuided
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bevdee knows of some sites that have active moderators...or you have to google mental health forums.

This site is open and anyone who comes here has to be strong enough to block all the negative stuff out or report it to the Site co-ordinator.
This side Liberation Brew can get heated and is a little tougher. This is the uncensord side.

Many find a comfort spot, where they share on the Support Side. Having a thread with your nic is so people, your support group can find you easily...it takes time to know who is where. Sometimes people just read threads to learn and don't participate.

On the support side this kind of arguing is really frowned upon, isn't allowed, so go there. Maybe another day, because many seem to not be around.

I'm really sorry I can't help you more right now in finding another place.

December 2, 2008
11:57 pm
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Angeltears
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I appreciate your suggestion. I just don't comprehend how this behaviour is tolerated no matter where it is. I don't see how it is considered healthy for anyone involved.

I may continue to read, but the idea of posting here concerns me. I have read some great things, and seen some of what I would consider genuine support. The thought of talking about the trauma of my experiences just frightens me.

I wish you hope and healing, be it here or wherever life takes you.

December 3, 2008
1:37 am
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Randomwomen2
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Im so sorry that this is going on. I do hope you can find help sweetheart im just so sorry that its not here. ((((angeltears))))

December 3, 2008
9:06 am
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Angel,

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you. It's truly horrible and I'm sure it has caused you so much pain. I hope you can trust some on this site, and that you can see that there are some that truly care and are more then willing to listen to you and give support to you if they can.

Years ago, my brother and his girlfriend were raped... by three men. My brother was only 17 and his girlfriend was 16, it took a long time for them to heal from the pain that came with such a horrible crime. It took a long time for them to trust the outside world again. I remember it all so clearly, my brother felt so much pain, hurt, shame, and on top of all of that he felt guilt for not being able to help his girlfriend.. but the men were big, older, and there was no way at all he could have stopped what happened to them. His girlfriend ended up pregnant from the rape which added to the pain in a great way, she terminated the pregnancy, and she continued with therapy and eventually was able to heal her body and heart.

They were both able to heal, and trust again... it was difficult and like I said it took a while, but they did heal. My best to you in your healing, and working through all the emotions that rape causes... it is one of the worst crimes there is, and it causes so much pain, I pray that you can heal, and that some on this site can offer the support you need and came here for.

December 3, 2008
9:40 am
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truthBtold
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Angeltears,

If you get a sick feeling in your guts, then no, reading some of the posts here (ESPECIALLY on this Libs Brew side)is probably not the best place for you.

Feeling safe is paramount!!!!!

I have found that the 'Support Side' very helpful to me over the years that I read/post on and off.

There are other sites which have a different (softer) tone. For example:

http://www.journeytowardsfreed...../index.php?

I like both for different reasons.

However, I have to say that I like this one (especially the support side) because most of the folks that reply to me really just 'cut to the chase' and are very, VERY blunt - and I appreciate that brutal honesty and for those lending me the benefit of their lessons learned whenever I find myself stuck and floundering about.

I find this particualr trait rare on support sites.

That being said, I do find some threads to be unproductive as well - and I just don't spend any time with it.

Have to just weed out what is truly helpful.

Par for the course, I guess.

I also gain something from other 'softer' forums as well.

I am so sorry for what happened to you.

I sincerely hope that you will find the safety and compassion and validation that you deserve whether it be here or some place else.

((((Angeltears))))

December 3, 2008
10:18 am
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(((Angeltears)))) I am sorry you don't feel safe. The mantra I have been telling myself for the last month is: Everyday in every way I am getting better and better. I know it is just words but say them over and over to yourself and eventually you will start to feel like you are getting better. I wish you peace and healing. I cannot comprehend what has happened to you. All the best. Keep reading and post when you feel like it.

Bitsy

December 3, 2008
3:53 pm
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Bothered
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Angeltears, I agree almost %100. You read my thread on the support board, so you understand. I didn't think "supporting" people could be sooo hateful.
However, I dont disreguard those who have offered advice and TRUE support to me and I am thankful for those people very much.
I received threats even..I dont understand.
I do understand how these boards are trying to help..
Even though my issue might have been somewhat minor compared to others here..I still needed help.
People will be people I suppose?
I wish and pray for all the best for you and your struggles. I wish I could reccomend a better place but I dont have the resources.
I'm not sure whether you have decided to leave these threads in search for a more fitting place, but I hope everything gets better.
I'm leaving these boards for good myself.

Best of wishes to everyone,

A girl

December 3, 2008
9:06 pm
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I've not been in the Support side. Whats going on there, who is saying what to whom? Its not me, eh?

December 3, 2008
9:37 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Hi Angeltears,

I have been more away than here lately, but I haven't seen much in the way of "fuck yous" or "narcissistic, self centered, selfish, rude" behaviors here.

When I got here, I was a badly traumatized victim of domestic violence--not even sure I qualified as a "survivor." This site was an invaluable part of my healing process.

Mind you, there are two very different sides to this site.

The Lib Brew side is a place we can take our arguments, jokes, recipes, musings, and bad language--it is understood that people who are in a vulnerable or sensitive state might not find Lib brew to be the best place for them. I basically left this side alone for a long time.

I think the support board is where you would want to go for working with the kind of trauma you have described.

Take care.

WD

December 4, 2008
12:28 am
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bevdee
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Angel Tears,

These are two sites that I have looked at recently. I haven't really studied them intently or anything, but they seem very civil. And the rules are very clearly outlined on registration - no attacking, no posting copyrighted material without permission, etc. These have moderation and post as admin and announce new admin.

http://www.freetobitch.com/for...../index.php

and this one for dealing with abuse. http://www.box.invisionzone.com/

I understand your hesitance. I lurked here for a long time before I worked up my nerve to share. Here are things about this place that helped me. I learned to read and not respond to certain triggers, just to examine them myself. If you respond, you will develop a tough hide if you stay. You will find that "disapproval" or "disagreement" is not the worst thing in the world, and it won't kill you. Neither do the unmoderated attacks. It made me stronger in the real world. It's good practice - art imitating life. I learned a lot about human nature by only reading.

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through. As a fellow survivor, I wish you love and laughter on your healing journey.

December 4, 2008
11:39 am
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StronginHim77
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From sentence structure, grammatical usage and "tone," I must address the possibility that "Bothered" and "Angeltears" are one and the same person. I hope not, but the similarities have my instincts on Alert Mode.

- Ma Strong

December 4, 2008
1:45 pm
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hi Strong, I think that they are different people.

December 4, 2008
4:51 pm
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pilot_tress
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OK, I was not going to say anything about the similarities, but now I will say that what MaStrong posted is exactly what crossed my red flag zone as well. Altho my post name was not pointed out, My posts seem to have sent negative ripples, and did not want to start another one, but this is just too unsettling to just mum up about.

I do not want to be responsible for upsetting ANYONE here, but if something does not add up, do we just sugar coat things, and pretend, just to make others feel comfortable? Haven't we been made to do this our whole abused lives...make others feel comfortable all the while we are EXTREMLY uncomfortable? FOR ME...no one else...this threw me into a tailspin to read and I know my gut reaction ( because I wanted to literally vomit) was to voice, and I did so with out using a bit in my mouth. This 'scenario' was my life for 14 years, and the ONLY positive that resulted from those torturous years was to be able to sense abusers when they are around. This post by B. has got every hair standing on end, and not just because I am 'EXTRA SENSITIVE to similar situations'. But if my words used upset anyone, those who are here of honest intent, I do so truly apologise.

December 7, 2008
9:40 pm
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Angeltears
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This is exactly what I posted in my first post here. I do not want to be accused of being anyone or anything that I am not. What I am is an abused woman looking for help and support. Here is where I have now been made aware of how not safe it is even on an anonymous site.

You are all a bunch of paranoid people.

Yes, I read that thread, and I commented on it. That doesn't make us one person does it? I feel sorry for any newcomers here that may post in any similarity to anyone else. God help us all. For now, I will trust my God to help me find my way.

He led me here to prove a point I think. Nothing is safe. If I never share a moment of what I went through, here or anywhere else, I know that God will keep me close. Just thought that it could be helpful to talk about it.

I was wrong, and that is obvious. To the few of you that were willing to be there, I appreciate it. I cannot make myself that vulnerable here. I am hurting enough. It really hurt to log onto this site today and see one of my biggest fears come true. I shouldn't have been surprised with all that I have read here, yet, I was. Only to be hurt once again.

December 7, 2008
10:50 pm
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Angeltears
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I don't know who losermike is, I have never posted to losermike, or anything else. This has nothing to do with losermike or anyone else. This happens to be about me being raped and beaten and needing someplace to talk about it. I never talked to him or anyone involved with any of that. This is just sad. All of it.

December 7, 2008
11:27 pm
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Angeltears
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Why would someone like yourself want to make it impossible for people to feel safe?

With what I have read, at this juncture, I would be willing to bet that you are Free, and you have figured out how to post as more than one person. Now, you are so angry that you want to control the boards. Your husband came to a place that you told him about, and you shared it with the world. For starters, from what I read, that doesn't sound like fact to me.

You came to only destroy people, some of us would like to do some work on some serious things that have taken place in our lifes.

Why now would you choose to fight with someone who has no idea of who you are, or losermike. I don't care who any of you are. I am not here to take any sides in your situation. Whether you are Free, or a Free fan. Who cares.

If she has so many good friends, she should be ok without her safe place. Or does she have you so wrapped up in her story that you believe she is innocent always as well.

I have only been on this site for less than a week and can tell a lot about how sick the place is. I will not post about what happened to me. That is what I came here hoping to be able to do. However, Free and her fan club, and losermike and his haters and lovers have stopped me from being able to do that. I am sure that I am not alone in that.

Lets make sure that it is safe for free and just fuck everyone else. You are all doing a great job of that.

December 8, 2008
8:29 am
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lollipop3
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((((Angeltears))))

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