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I'm tired of this!
January 14, 2003
10:22 am
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Anonymous
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Hi everyone this is my first time here. I just learned about codependency, and it is me to a "T". I've always lived my life for others but never realized that I was harming them as much as harming myself.

I learned about this because I'm dealing with a AA person who is the father of my 7 year old daughter. When I was in the relationship with him 6 years ago it was awful, I bent over backwards for him in all ways possible but realized he wasn't going to change, so we parted ways and got along all right, because I just put up with him not paying child support and not notifing me 24 hours in advance if he was taking our daughter or not.

About 8 months ago his girlfriend layed charges on him and I had to sign him out of jail which I had to give up my disability for. He has to live with me and I have to go everywhere with him except work and AA meetings. The problem is that I'm expected to be around all the time to go with him any time he wants to go anywhere, and there's no respect towards me at all.

The biggest problem is I have alot of resentment against him because durning my pregnacy I wasn't able to talk about it and he never felt my belly, nothing, but that's just the tip of the iceburg. When I was 7 months pregant I had a brain anyersum and it was my mother and brother who took me to the hospital and he stayed home. He was called from the hospital to tell him they were transporting me to a bigger hospital and when they found out I had a anyersum they called him at work and told him to come to the hospital because this is life or death.

When he got there the doctor asked him to sign the papers that if anything should happen to me that they can take the baby out and he told them to get my mother to sign it. Durning my surgery he went home had a shower, eat and took his time getting back. The surgrey went good and when I was in intensive care they couldn't stablized my blood pressure and weren't sure if I was going to make it but when the nurse told him the he could come and visit me he said he would go in a couple of minutes because he was talking to a stranger (who was a women), when I confronted him about this he told me her father was dying and I told him I could have been dying and I was carrying your child! The responce to that was "I didn't know" and I told him "you never asked".

Anyways the problem is that right now I'm asking myself why did you sign him out after all that he has done to me and he was never there for me so why should I be there for him.

Also I have to sit back and watch him support women (not men) who call here for him and when i'm not at home invites them over from the AA meeting when he can't support me.

Right now I don't know what to do, the conditions are to be changed soon but I'm having a hard time with dealing with it right now. I can't find the strength to sign him back in even thou it has turned my life upside down.

January 14, 2003
10:36 am
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Anonymous
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Hi netty73,
You and your daughter are so important. Taking care of yourself helps you to take care of your daughter. Modeling behavior is where our children learn.

You don't need to be a martyr or a victim anymore.

Take your power back....take care of yourself and your daughter. Hugs

January 14, 2003
10:43 am
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Anonymous
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Thank you for your response. I'm trying to deal with it by reading.

I'm reading "Codependent No more, How to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself" and it is wounderful!

January 14, 2003
11:21 am
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Yes, it is!
I read it back in 1988 when I first had an inkling that something needed to be fixed in my life.
Happy Reading.

January 14, 2003
11:30 am
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mj have you read talk, feel and trust?
It's the one I just read and it has changed my thinking.

January 16, 2003
9:40 am
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Hi Netty,
No, I haven't, sounds good though.
Does it teach how to communicate better?
How is everything?

January 22, 2003
6:46 pm
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I've signed him back into jail but now someone else signed him out and i'm very afraid.

January 22, 2003
8:22 pm
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What are you afraid of?

Him harming you (or your child) for signing him back?

January 30, 2003
9:44 am
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Hi Netty73,
How are you?
Wondered if things have improved since you last wrote?
Hugs to you.

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