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I just don't know what to do...
January 8, 2003
2:01 am
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Ok, I am really new to this site so I don't know what this will exactly do to help me. I was told by my life-coach to research codependency and so what it did to help my search for joy. All it really has done for me is realize that I have all the symptoms of a codependent and that freaks me out. I know that people always hurt me and I take it over and over again, but I did not think that was a sign of codependency. I feel totally out of control and that life seems to never truly go my way, so I thought maybe this chat thing could help me by talking to people who feel the same. I hope that people don't have to feel and think the things I do because it hurts me each and every day. Well, thanks for your time in reading this.

January 8, 2003
10:25 am
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Hi pippy83,
I too found this site researching codependency and am glad I did find it. I have been posting since I believe October of last year. Not long but I have found that by reading others posts that I am becoming more aware of my behaviors and have been offered support and opinions that are sometimes very helpful.
Welcome....

January 8, 2003
10:26 am
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Well Pippy, welcome! I know when I came here I was just researching the codependency thing at the suggestion of my therapist aunt. It shocked me to know that although I am a toughie, I too show signs of codependency. I came here looking for answers and basically what I have found is awesome support, and that the answers are often right inside of you. It helps to come here and lay things out unabashedly, sometimes you can see the way things are pointing by seeing it in black and white. You don't have to hide anything here you can just be yourself. The way I look at it is this, ok so if someone doesn't approve of me or whatever, like I'm ever going to have to see them or deal with them everyday like I would people/friends from my community. You know?

I hope you find some peace and resolution to whatever issues are bugging you by sharing with us here. If ya wanna yak go ahead. Someone's always listening! 🙂

January 8, 2003
10:27 am
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And you will usually find mj and I typing at the same time, like just now!! haha

January 8, 2003
10:31 am
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That's right!
We are here for you Pippy83!

January 8, 2003
9:11 pm
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Thanks everyone! It makes me feel better to know that I am not alone.

January 10, 2003
12:37 pm
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So how are you feeling today Pippy83?
How is your research going on Codependency?
Have you checked out the site and have you found any support groups in your area?
I read daily mediations for Melody Beautie....it helps start my day!

January 10, 2003
1:00 pm
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Melody who? Where do you find that?

January 11, 2003
6:38 pm
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It's published by Hazeldyn Books...can get it on internet or bookstores...It is really good.

January 14, 2003
10:37 am
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I'm reading "Codependent No more, How to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself" and it is wounderful!

Check it out.

January 15, 2003
12:10 am
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Thanks guys!
I really needed to hear that I was not alone. I have been researching codependency but this is a lot better for me.

January 15, 2003
3:56 pm
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So what have you all done with changing the dynamics of unhealthy relationships? I know it is time to change, but how does one do it without hurting or losing friendships?

January 16, 2003
9:46 am
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Hi Pippy,
Recently, I developed a friendship that seemed really great. Then slowly, I begin to feel controlled and manipulated. I backed off a little and watched. I discovered that my new friend wasn't healthy for me at all. I set my healthy boundaries by caring about myself. I had to say no to requests. I haven't heard from her for over 3 weeks.
There are no gurarantees in relationships and friendships. I just have to focus on what feels right for me and risk hurting or loss.

January 16, 2003
1:35 pm
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Hi Pippy!

I guess unhealthy relationships can theoretically only be improved upon, correct? So I guess I would gently be upfront with my issues, and ask for a calm discussion of how these can be settled. Should this go no where, or a change was not made, I would quietly walk away from this relationship. If confronted, I see nothing wrong with stating that sometimes two people are not healthy for one another, and while that is regretful, nothing good would come of a continued alliance.

Okay, so I could do that with a friendhship. As for a relationship with a man, hey, don't ask me. I'm in no position to dole out advice. I'm so good at keeping clear lines in my friendships and what I need and will gladly contribute, but men are another ball game entirely. You know what relationships with men remind me of? You know how in Europe they call soccer football, and we call is soccer while football is a whole other sport? It's like that. Like, you think you know what you're talking about and the next thing you know, it's like, dude, that's a different ball, rules -- hell, that's a whole other sport! What is going on?!

That's my opinion of men.

But, you know -- definitely a fun game if they be quite and just play. It's when you have to argue over the rules of the game that it begins to suck. Sometimes you even have to bring a ref in.

(Grins)

January 16, 2003
5:37 pm
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that is soo true! What an interesting perspective on relationships. it really sucks that people have to ruin friendships like that, but we all have our baggage it seems. I really hope that when i go back to school in a couple days, my outlook on friendships will have changed enough for me to take care of pippy and worry less and less about petty things.......

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