Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
I feel like I always end up in this same fork in the road...
January 24, 2003
10:03 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
176sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hi SFB,
How are you today?
I am doing lots better. No more sharp pains and am walking without the cane and swelling is down and color is good. I must have over did it somehow on Wednesday. Thanks for caring.
I slept most of the day yesterday and just stayed off it. I still had sharp pains last night but not as bad. It was weird. Hopefully, it won't happen again.

So You have made a decision!
Thats A Start!

January 24, 2003
10:59 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
177sp_Permalink sp_Print

I'm so glad to hear you're doing better. Also glad you didn't let it discourage you. At least you're better just in time for the weekend! Maybe you will have some warmer weather than us, and can get outside for some sun and fresh air!

Yes, it is a start. That's the easy part. It's the continuation of my start that will be the hard part.

Remember my guy friend who confronted me about CB on New Years Eve? I have tried twice in the last three days to contact him and can't get thru. His phone rings but he doesn't answer. Even more telling is the fact that he doesn't call back. He always calls back. Hmmmmmmm..........

January 24, 2003
11:35 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
178sp_Permalink sp_Print

So do you think that he is avoiding you?

January 24, 2003
2:55 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
179sp_Permalink sp_Print

Yes, that's what I'm wondering.

Interesting.

We will be hauling hay (round bales) for the horses this weekend and I will see him then so I will be able to tell by his attitude.

Whomever told him initially may still be in a position to relay new info. Don't see who it could be -- my two best friends, CB and I are the only ones in the know. Unless it's CB's roommate, his cousin.

Exhausting.

How is your ankle this afternoon?

January 30, 2003
9:47 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
180sp_Permalink sp_Print

Good Morning SFB,
I miss our morning ramblings...it was fun talking to you just about whatever...
How are you today?

January 30, 2003
11:03 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
181sp_Permalink sp_Print

I know! Me too.

I am doing well. Trying to sell one of my horses, think I have a buyer. That's exciting!

Have been wondering how you've been doing. Think about you once in a while, how you're brother is doing, all the things going on right now in your life. I send you psychic support! 🙂

Nothing too new here. I did call CB from my Mom's house Monday night. He tried convincing me to come over and see him. I stuck to my guns tho! Very proud of myself. The following day I had a down day. Nothing terrible, just felt physically tired and sad, missing him. Just the sound of his voice. The last day and then today I haven't let myself dwell on it. It gets a little easier if I don't contact him. Mj, I miss him so much. He is such a great guy. I just keep telling myself it took time to teach myself this connection, it will take time to unlearn it too.

Glad to see you're back!

January 30, 2003
11:09 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
182sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hi,
I was reading in Self Matters by Dr. Phil this morning.....about others sabbatoging the authentic self....
"Only you know what is real for YOU"
Made me think of you.

From what you shared about your hubby and your fear of being alone....makes me wonder which is safer....change or authentic self searching?

January 30, 2003
11:13 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
183sp_Permalink sp_Print

I noticed this morning, when I get real....my hubby doesn't like it.
I am going to read more in that book today....after taking care of my responsibilities to domestic engineering. My leg/ankle is still acting up....need to call the Dr. too!
I know....I should Have by Now but I kept thinking it would get better on its own...and it hasn't. One week has gone by....its easier to take care of everyone else?

January 30, 2003
11:24 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
184sp_Permalink sp_Print

Could you elaborate more on the Dr Phil thing? Sounds like something I need to listen to.

What do you mean about change vs authentic self searching? Didn't follow you there.

I keep reading these other posts about men who are so sh-tty to these women ... it would be easier for me, I think, if CB was like that. I could say, what a jerk and walk away. But he isn't. He's sweet he's caring he's great!

I am going to try to come at it from another angle, mentally. I am going to try reminding myself that even if I were to leave hubby the whole rodeo thing isn't something I could deal with long term. So it would not work with us. So, I need to back away for his sake as well, so he is free to find someone else to be in his life. (Kills me to say that, just for the record!!) He isn't the type to share with his guy friends what's going on, so he is dealing with all this alone. Then after a week or so of no contact he picks up the phone and it's me. That's not fair to do to him either.

???????????

January 30, 2003
12:22 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
185sp_Permalink sp_Print

From my point of view.....The authentic self gets hidden somewhere along the line in life.

You learn to hide what matters.

Eventually, you only show a facade to others not your true authentic self.

Then, when you start to change...and reintroduce what really matters to you, Your efforts get thwarped by people who have loved you for who you became not who you really are...hence they don't like the new you. Is it easier to stay hidden or become real and authentic.
The book is called "Self Matters" by Dr. Phillip McGraw....if you are interested in learning his ideas.
I am still digesting the info so am no expert on trying to explain it...for you.

BTW... got a doctor appointment for tomorrow.

January 30, 2003
6:16 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
186sp_Permalink sp_Print

MJ ~ What do you mean by "when I get real (my hubby doesn't like it)"? Like when you assert yourself and try to establish some boundaries etc? He does he react?

I hope the Doc appointment goes well...Don't be afraid to seek another opinion if you don't think you're getting the best advice. Doctors aren't Gods - they don't know everything and sometimes they make mistakes. Sometimes it pays to 'shop' around, just like you would for any other service. Don't settle for second best when it comes to your health!

SFB ~ I really commend your efforts to sorting out your feelings regarding cowboy. I think if you try and work out what YOU want, rather than what's going to please everyone else, EVERYONE is going to be a lot better off. And by the way - wasn't having a dig at you on the "Fell off the wagon post"...not trying to suggest you are stubborn and not "motivatable", was just trying to give a bit of encouragement to SLV. Truce!? **spits on hand and holds it out** We could be spit-sisters!! Ha! Ha! :oP

January 31, 2003
9:51 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
187sp_Permalink sp_Print

Awwright! Spit sisters it is, Squeezles! I wasn't mad anyway, just kind of laughing because my real life personality is pretty stubborn, and it sounded like something one of my friends would say, since usually I'm a leader not a follower, so if someone could "change" me it would be remarkable. No big deal! 🙂

Mj, is your appointment today? I will cross my fingers for you. I thought of you this morning, we had a ton of snow and it's kind of damp, it made me wonder about how your ankle is doing.

Sending you a snow angel!

January 31, 2003
10:52 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
188sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hi SFB,
Snow angels.....I remember making those.....so long ago. Thank you 🙂
I go at 3:30 today....
How are YOU?

January 31, 2003
11:04 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
189sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hi Squeezles,
I have a facade....getting real is saying what I actually feel. No sugar coating....Just what naturally comes to my mind. Example: I don't care to go for another 6 hour drive plus shopping again this weekend. We went last weekend then I went again on Tuesday and I don't want to again.

If I wasn't in so much pain, I would go with him again, even if it was something I would rather not do because I believe that relationships are give and take. He wants to go and I want to heal my ankle.

I guess it is about boundaries and getting our needs met.

January 31, 2003
3:49 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
190sp_Permalink sp_Print

WE Rock!!!!
That does feel pretty good when I say it.....Thanks SFB
So what's happening with you today?

January 31, 2003
4:13 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
191sp_Permalink sp_Print

The usual!

Missing cb.

Getting thru the day, keeping busy.

Missing what could be, the road not taken, my daily talks with cb, his laugh, the way his black eyes light up his whole face when he smiles,...

"the urge to run, the restlessness
the heart of stone I sometimes get
the things I've done for foolish pride
the me that's never satisfied
the face that's in the mirror when I dont' like what I see
I guess that's just the cowboy in me..."

-tim mcgraw

January 31, 2003
4:19 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
192sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hey...have you seen all the people rocking on your thread....Such a positive thread.....SFB You Rock!

I am sorry that you are grieving. It sucks. Do you second guess that you are doing the right thing?

January 31, 2003
4:25 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
193sp_Permalink sp_Print

Every day.

Just some more than others.

January 31, 2003
4:28 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
194sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hugs to You....
Today harder than usual?

January 31, 2003
4:30 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
195sp_Permalink sp_Print

Something to share...

Wednesday on my way home from my Al-Anon meeting, I saw an old boyfriends truck.....it was unnerving. I never said good-bye....it was in my best interest not to. I wondered if he had notice me and if he ever had deep feelings for me.....it was kinda strange. Unfinished business.

January 31, 2003
4:51 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
196sp_Permalink sp_Print

Heading home for the weekend mj! Don't worry, I am fine, I just miss him. Kind of a hole there, ya know? I will probably cave at some point, especially if I continue to feel this way.

Anyhoo, check ya on Monday!! 🙂

February 3, 2003
10:20 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
197sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hi SFB,
How are you today?

February 3, 2003
10:30 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
198sp_Permalink sp_Print

I went to the Dr. on Friday and he is going to take most of the screws and plate out in a couple of weeks. Said the bone looks good from the xray and that two of the screws on the plate are loosening. Doesn't know why I am having trouble walking and pain...thinks it may be nerves reacting?
I am getting sick of all the pain.
Sitting or laying down helps, just keeping off it.
My hubby and I are doing good. He went shopping without me to the Big City on Saturday. He brought me home an early Valentines gift....a really pretty night gown. I thought that was sweet.
I accompanied him to his mom's...for a brief visit yesterday. I survived that. It was the first time I had seen her since Christmas. I said a prayer before I went.
How did your weekend go? I was sorry to hear of the loss of the Columbia crew. Like I have said before, we never know when it will be our time to go.
My daughter found out that her thyroid has grown from a 3 to a 7 in just 3 months. She goes to a surgeon on Tues.
My brothers' eye is looking good. He still can't see out of it but he says its less cloudy what he sees. Hopefully it will improve with time.
🙂

February 3, 2003
10:35 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
199sp_Permalink sp_Print

Did you sell your Horse?

How did your weekend go with Hubby?

Miss YOU 😉

February 3, 2003
11:01 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
200sp_Permalink sp_Print

I'm here. Had to catch up on work first thing this morning. All is under control now.

Didn't hear from lady regarding horse. Ridiculous. Will be okay if I don't sell her, but am getting tired of this. I've never seen anything like it, when people see a horse and say they want to buy it, they buy the damn thing. God!

Went out with one of my two best friends Friday night. Saw CB. Ok, so it wasn't an accident. Talked to him Friday. He is going to be out of town come Wednesday for his job for about a month. He is really upset, doesn't want to go. However is excited about rodeos next 2 weekends. Was in a rodeo Sat, don't know how he did, haven't spoke to him yet. Good to see him. We just sat there at the table visiting, looking at each other. I could have laid my head on the table and cried in front of God and everyone. He walked us to my car and hugged me goodbye. Again, I could have stayed there in his arms and sobbed. Didn't. Smiled. Stiff upper lip and all that. Honestly think he could easily be my world, however due to life led and love of rodeo life, there is really no point to it. He will be home today, maybe tomorrow then not again until the 16th -- going straight from work to rodeo this coming weekend, then back to work that Monday. Will be home for a short while I guess on Sunday the ninth. Of course he can call and say hi, but what if we were in a serious relationship? How can one be with a schedule like that? He said Friday night," I wish it wasn't like this, but I've worked so hard, I just can't throw it all away now. " He loves it so much, how can I ask him to walk away? I really believe he's serious about what he says to me, re: "us" because he honestly is checking in with me, telling me where he'll be, calling from the road, etc. I think he's torn. Walk away from something he loves? Especially if I'm where I am. And I will remain where I am because of the rodeo. No way to win. There is not one time we talk or see one another we're not trying to figure it out, but there is really no alternative, we hit the same wall each time. So. Sad. Other than that...but it doesn't matter, it's pointless. No way to win but the bond is so strong I can't bear to cut all ties. Seriously, that smile at me and those black eyes, sitting there...on one hand I felt like standing on the table and laughing for sheer happiness just to be sitting there next to this man, then on the other I wanted to curl up in his lap and sob for what can't be. Or could be, but I cannot be in a relationship like that. Then I think, could I?

Am going around and around inside of my head at approximately 300 mph. Feel so blessed to have met this sweet, honest, funny, sensitive, strong loving man yet it all is so impossible.

"Had a nice little life

Little boat, litte routine I liked.

Then you set foot on my shore

That's when I knew

There's a difference in living and living well

You can't have it all, all by yourself

Till you sailed with me

Thought that I had it good

As good as it could be..."

-George Strait

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
25
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information