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I feel like I always end up in this same fork in the road...
January 2, 2003
12:02 pm
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Are you a Gemini?

January 2, 2003
12:04 pm
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This is too funny, here we both are typing our little fingies off!! hahaha

Yes it helped to talk to my buddy. Except now I'm sick because while it was stifling to handle all alone, it was safer. Now I have to worry about some anonymous other person and I don't trust anyone. I never have. Seems like when you do you get screwed over.

Okay, I am at work (work being a noun not a verb today!) and now am going to lunch. Will catch you at noon. Wait, I don't know where you are. Okay, will catch you in 45 min, whatever time that is in your time zone.

Later, and ((hugs)) back at ya!

January 2, 2003
12:05 pm
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Ok I'm addicted, I really am leaving after this post.

No, I'm a Pisces.

Why?

January 2, 2003
12:23 pm
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Have a Great Day!

January 2, 2003
1:22 pm
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I'm back. When are you going to go get your things? Hope all goes well. I'm rooting for ya over here in rural Wisconsin! 🙂

January 2, 2003
1:29 pm
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How was lunch?
I am on the west coast and at the moment it is 10:37am.
I missed the time before last post until minutes ago....

I asked about gemini, cause it sounded like you were a twin also. My mother and 2nd husband are Pisces.
Not that it matters, but you never know 🙂

I have trust issues also. I have felt very unsafe with female friendships and have always preferred male friendships which always seem to go bye, bye, because of the manly unwritten rule of don't step on another man's turf.

Men usually keep secrets better.

I hope that your buddy keeps your conversation between he and you because it will only hurt your husband more...and him saying nothing to him about your conversation helps you both....this time. It was a fantasy....short-lived. ( I Hope ;0 )

January 2, 2003
1:30 pm
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Do they have rodeo indoors....I thought Wisconsin got alot of snow?

January 2, 2003
1:32 pm
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Dang gf, are we clairvoyant?

January 2, 2003
1:37 pm
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I am trying to build up courage right now. My bro offered to go with me later...but I don't want him to have to be in the middle...besides I am hoping that he will be at work so no drama. I cave. I hate hurting anyone especially he. So, I'm waiting for hair to dry before I leave....no blow dryer in this house!
It is so sad...trying to think of what to pack and the enivitable discussions that will ensue in the future....Draining....I sympathize readily with you.

January 2, 2003
2:03 pm
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Okay...I missed a bunch.

Rodeo was indoors. Normally we are snowed in by now, but like no snow hardly whatsoever so far this year. Odd. Am totally loving it tho!! 🙂

Good girl, no blowdryer? At a time like this, don't they know a girl's just gotta look her best? No matter how much I feel like crap, if I look good I can always pull it off. 🙂
Maybe hang head upside down over any available register, or other heat blowing vent thing?

Me too!! The men friendship thing. I have like 7 girlfriends, 2 close ones, and the rest of the female world drives me nuts. I totally have always hung out with guys. They don't bs about friendship. Sex, yeah. But if a guy is your bud, he's your bud. If he doesn't like something you do or you piss him off, you know it. (Look at my buddy the other day>) Whereas a woman will still act like your friend while gleefully stabbing you in the back the whole time. Been there. Course when you're friends with guys, their girlfriends hate it, and your guy will get all pissy. What's a girl to do?

As for getting your stuff...I'm holding my breath for ya. I'd have a cigarette for ya but I gave that up as of new years eve (sick of capitalizing that whole phrase.) Of course now I quit, life better calm down or I will start again. Deep breaths....

January 2, 2003
7:42 pm
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Wow...You are quitting. You are my hero. How did it go with your phone call?

January 2, 2003
7:45 pm
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I got my basic stuff and came back to my bros...he took me to lunch, we went grocery shopping, made me a key to his house, then he picked me up a application for a job I need to apply for first thing in the morning.
I wrote my resume....talked with my husband briefly...now on to complete my application.
Just wanted to check in...Hugs...and Best Wishes.

January 3, 2003
10:51 am
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Got the resume and application ready to turn in....off i go.

How are you doing? What did you think of the comment about telling your husband...from the other thread?

Do you think your husband would leave you if you admitted to him that you were struggling with your life presently and wanted to get in to some counseling to help resolve issues of searching for self?

It's more proactive...then waiting for the shoe to drop and it is guilt relieving for you and honest.

I don't know...just made me think about it. Feeling good about oneself is so important isn't it.

January 3, 2003
2:18 pm
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Hey girl! I'm back. Yes, I read the post on the other thread about telling my husband. I smiled. I find myself reminded that it is so easy to look over the fence and glibly advise. But I do appreciate that the poster took the time to try to help.

I can't tell him all the gory details. I have told him all along whenever I had lunch with this guy, when I would see him if I was out, and he is well aware the two of us have been close friends for some time. I don't think he likes it very much, but I made sure to not hide any of my contact with this cowboy from him. Also, I have talked about this in a roundabout way. I apologized the other night for the time I was spending with this cowboy, that perhaps it looked wrong and that I thought he (hubby) has been a good sport about it. I said, I apologize and I am going to try and work on my behavior this coming year and try to remember how things can look to others. Since I am a bit of a impulsive and outgoing person,this made sense. It made my point without me having to do a complete confession. No, that is not an option. It would cost me my marriage if it came to light just what all has transpired. I think he understand what I was saying, and we're moving on.

I didn't make my phone call. I couldn't. I don't think I am strong enough right now to hear that voice on the phone. I can't explain it. He makes me laugh, he makes me feel, I guess a good word is giddy. We have so much damn fun! Even on the phone it's ... I can't explain. I realize I have to give that up and I have, but I just don't think I'm strong enough to hear that voice on the phone and keep focused on what I have to say. I can just hear it now. He would say hello and when I said hi back it would be "how are you, it's great to hear from you. how are things." and he'd be making me laugh before I knew it and I wouldn't have the heart to stop the conversation and get all serious. I hate to do it over the phone but I cannot do it in person! I wish we hadn't crossed the line, that we could still be friends because he lifts my spirits and makes me laugh like no one I've ever known.

Life is difficult. Too damn difficult!

Good job with the resume and job! I will cross my fingers for you. You said you talked to your husband. How did that go?

Later! 🙂

January 4, 2003
2:06 am
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Hi Sixfootblond,
Thanks for your support...i got an interview!

My husband seems to be very controlled and unemotional which is highly unusual?

He was happy I got the interview.

He felt so distant...but oh well.
I am tired of living by impulse. Glad he was so stand offish cause it gives me more time to figure out what I want and need to be happy.

Hope your weekend goes well for you.

January 6, 2003
10:03 am
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Good Morning...
Getting ready for my interview at 10!
I am back at home with my husband.
Did you have your talk with cowboy?
Hope all is well for you.
Hugs!

January 6, 2003
12:54 pm
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Hey hey mj! Hope the interview is going well! Be sure and fill me in!

No talk. No bravery. Had a nice weekend with my husband. Saw "Catch Me If You Can." Good movie!

So you're home? What's the scoop on that?

Have totally relapsed on the smoking thing. I think the problem is that essentially I enjoy smoking. I like it. Period. I know it's bad and it stinks but to me it's relaxing and enjoyable. Oh well.

Let me know how things went!

January 6, 2003
1:35 pm
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Hi Sixfootblond,
Yahoo....it's over....such stress trying to sell oneself.

I did my best, answered all the questions from two interviewers, and asked a few questions....Now it's up to them..... What a relief!

I called Hubby the next morning after feeling abandoned. He basically said...I should know how much he loves me...and that he was just giving me the space I needed and asked for. He said that He felt that we could work through all our difficulties.

He came back over to my brothers after our phone talk and took me to breakfast then we went back to our home and I took a nap. Stress makes me tired.

He fixed me dinner and I stayed. The next morning he made me breakfast and I told him I was ready to come back home. He brought me back to my bros and helped me load my SUV and went back to do some stuff he needed to do. I stayed a few hours and talked with my brother.

I have been trying...to smoke consciously. I go outside or sit next to the fan. I can tell my enthusiasm to respect his air is already getting old fast. It's really hard to be a chain smoker like I am and be conscious of each cigarette.

Hey, I like smoking too. I guess their is a happy medium somewhere in between.

I am waiting at my bros for his return so we can gab about my interview. I feel very lucky today.
No matter what...I feel loved.

Glad you enjoyed the weekend with your man!

Hugs! Thanks for caring my Wisconsin twin 🙂

January 6, 2003
3:12 pm
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I am glad to hear that you are where you feel you should be. I know that I will probably always stay with my husband too. Part of it is that it is true, we have a pretty much idyllic life. But I am too scared to go off on my own when what we have is so familiar and I know I'll always be safe and taken care of here. The unknown scares the hell out of me.

I really need to talk to cowboy. I miss him. I am going thru withdrawal symptoms. It's kind of like when you need a cigarette even though you know it could kill you eventually. BUT -- I haven't caved!! Today is a week since I've seen him (well, I saw him at the rodeo but not to visit with, etc). I haven't even talked to him on the phone for a week. I think I'm doing pretty good. Now that the initial panic after talking to my buddy and finding out some people know, life is back to normal and it would be easy to justify to myself a quick phone call. But I know I owe it to my ever-patient husband and our marriage (that I have picked) to stay away. I can't have it both ways. (But come on lets be honest sometimes that would be nice!)

Okay so I have reformed! Reforming is so easy, seriously! God, it's just the STAYING reformed that is a killer! 🙂

Hanging in here for you for the job. Did you get any of those stupid interview questions? I hate those. You know, like , "If your friends were to pick 3 words to describe you what would they be?" I always have this insane urge to blurt out some really interesting responses just to see the looks on their faces. I have so many years of being a wiseass that it's hard to be serious sometimes. I'm glad you asked them questions, reminds them you are considering them just like they are considering you.

Crossin fingers!! 🙂

January 7, 2003
3:05 pm
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Hey GF,
Haven't heard anything .... so I'm wondering if they didn't hire someone else... Oh Well....

So How ya doin?

January 7, 2003
6:18 pm
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Hi,
They hired somebody else but called to thank me for applying and would keep me in mind if anything would occur in the future....

At least I have an answer so onward and upward!

How are you doing? Busy at work!
Hugs

January 8, 2003
10:35 am
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Good Morning SFB,
Last night I was watching the 70's show on tv and thought of you!
I've seen that license plate so many times....and now I can relate to it more.

How is life today?

I woke up feeling like a loser:)

January 8, 2003
10:37 am
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I can't even get hired for a silly receptionist position at $8.50 an hour.... but I have been working on raising my self-esteem by looking, listening, and typing away!

January 8, 2003
11:21 am
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Hey mj!!! Knock off the loser talk, woman! You're just too damn good for that stupid job and they are waiting until they have something that is truly befitting to a woman of your intellectual stature! Please!

Like that liscense plate? God, I was a year old when they looked like that! It does say 1978, right? I think so. I watched it last night too. Sometimes I miss it. I'm a veteran channel clicker! I can't stand to just watch one show. Drives my hubby nuts!

Still haven't had any contact with my cowboy man! I feel bad because I know he needs closure. Then again, in a perverse way I don't want to shut the door on that. Crazy. I think he knows by now. But I need to talk to him. I am supposed to go see my Mom tonight and she lives in the same town he does. I always swing by when I go to see her. I think what I will do is call him before my hubby gets home, then talk my hubby into going to town with me so I can't give in to temptation!

God mj...I miss his laugh, his smile, his tight cowboy butt...do you suppose there's medicine for women like me? (rolls eyes)

Did you see we were typing at the same time on that new thread this morning? Funny.

January 8, 2003
11:41 am
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Hi Sixfootblond,
I like your attitude!
Positive, honest, and playful!
I was wearing those clothes in 78 🙂
I too am a channel surfer. My hubby watches tv in the living room until I am safely asleep because I hate commercials so switch between programs. He likes different programs then I. I like comedy and mystery the best.
So ....even at my age, I can appreciate the qualities of cowboy, but I have found with my vast experience 🙂 that the middle age bulge gets the best of them!
See, you have something to look forward to!
P.s. I was referring to Wisconsin, not your age by the way.

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