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how do i get over him?
December 4, 2002
8:07 pm
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how do i accept that the person i "loved" the past 3 years doesn't want me anymore?
i'm so confused, hurt?? what do i do?

December 5, 2002
11:29 am
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Hi Maryanna, so you are trying to open up more...which is great. I wasn't even aware of this relationship just that you moved to your folks to help take care of your mom. Tell me about it.

December 5, 2002
12:12 pm
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that has to be devestating, Wish there was a cure for heartbreak, an immediate one.

December 5, 2002
1:10 pm
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Having your heart broken must be one of the hardest things to go through on the planet. It's funny, when I look back on my life and think of all the awful things I went through, the blackest mark was ending a relationship. All of my other trials, even illness, death in the family, abuse in childhood, all of that pain there just paled in comparison the that heartbreak from a relationship that only lasted a few short years of my life. The only thing that really heals the pain is time, and although no one wants to hear that trite response, it is very very true.

The best thing that I can advise is to get busy. Distraction is key, because mulling over why he didn't want you will just eat you up inside and make you miserable. Throw yourself into work, family, volunteering, continuing education, community service, social groups, classes at the gym, ANYTHING to keep you moving and motivated towards a goal that has nothing at all to do with men or relationships. The pain will still creep in, but staying distracted as long as you can should at least tire you out to help you sleep at night as well. The early mornings were always hardest for me. I'd be awake from about 4:30 in the morning, starting the day by marinating in my misery. I only pulled out of that by getting so busy with work and community bands that I needed the early morning sleep to get me through the day...

December 5, 2002
2:31 pm
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My boyfriend just broke up with me on Sunday so I know how you feel to a certain extent. I know that gingerleigh is so right, the nights are the hardest for me, because I am not so busy, during the day I am constantly on the move so I have no downtime to think. I have thought all week about a hundred things people say, and when you are hurting it is so hard to want to hear these or even understand the real meanings..
Things happen for a reason,
there are many fish in the ocean
Time heals all wounds...etc. I think if anything it will help you to vent.

December 5, 2002
6:23 pm
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Thanks for the words of encouragement.I've been married twice, divorced twice. They were definately not in love with me. Both were cheaters and mind and physically abusive. I left one of them and the other asked me for a divorce (6 months prior to him asking for a divorce he told his best friend, which told me he was going to ask me for a divorce) so I knew in advance, not the day, time or hour, but I was kinda prepared. I held up my head high and told him that's a good idea. I didn't shed one tear until I pulled out of the driveway.....The past 3 years with this one was not like anyone else I have ever had a relationship with. He is 8 years younger than me. We lived together for 3 years and he decided that he needed space, this was after my mother had a heart attack and she needed me too, so I moved back to my parents and he got a house. I've seen him on the weekends, I know he cares and he knows how much I care about him. He emailed me today and told me he will always care for me but he is seeing other people and it's not fair of him not to be honest with me and ask me to wait for him. He says there may come a time when things will come together for us, but for now he needs space. I ache I miss him so bad. Its all I can do not to pick up the phone just to hear his voice, but I know I cant. This just sucks (for lack of a better word.) I keep as busy as I can, but I have no friends to do anything with. I've always been a loner. I find it hard to talk to people and relate to people. What a mess I am.Baby steps, what to do, what to do??????

December 5, 2002
7:19 pm
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I am really sorry to hear about your break-up. You are not alone. Were here. So you have us!

December 5, 2002
8:17 pm
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You are still confused and hurt, but I don't hear anger anywhere. If I were you I'd be pretty mad and maybe try to convince myself that I am better off without this two-timer. Oh how noble that he decided that it wasn't "fair" to you not to be honest about what he's really doing... NOT.

Take him up on his offer. Don't wait for him!!!! Honestly, would you ever be able to trust him again?

December 6, 2002
9:27 am
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Jeez, i know it is always easier said than done, like I said my boyfriend broke up with me on Sunday and today is only Friday and I feel like I have been hurting and dreaming of him taking me back all week. I guess the mistake I make is that I know I did nothing wrong yet I beg him to take me back. This time it's going to be different, like everyone always says, stay busy, throw yourself into something...Well, he is very involved in different activists groups, one thing that held us together was the fact that we were both single parents, well I have been thinking about organizing a group for single parents to meet maybe once a week to hang out and chat and maybe get together and share or compare issues...like you I do not have many friends, but last night I decided to make dinner and invite a couple of female neighbors, I did not make anything fancy but if anything it got me through another few hours of solitude and thought. I have been reading and writing and trying to come up with ways of knowing, feeling like I am worth more and deserve as much as I give. When I write it , it's like I almost believe it. so really just try to concentrate on healing you. Have a wonderful weekend and get out and enjoy the days..

December 6, 2002
7:09 pm
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I found a wonder website: http://www.Healingintent.com -- I've been reading and trying to organize a way to heal myself, and I will but in the meantime, I still can't get him out of my head. It's a nightmare. It's like oh, no, not again!!!Why do I do this to myself. For now, no more relationships, it's poison to me. I'm gonna get my head on straight and focus on work. Try to find a female friend to hang out with and vent to cause girls understand the emotional issues you go thru when your heart is broken. Guys just aint made out of the same emotional material girls are!
Am I right?? They say they understand, but do they???? They think with their little head. Ooops, I shouldn't have said that, sorry! (sorry if a guy reads this) it's just honestly the way I feel and it's been proven thru my experience with men. I would like to think that it's not true, but I will have be shown experimental data to prove me wrong!!
Thanks for listening.....

December 6, 2002
7:26 pm
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Listen to "My Favorite Mistake" by Sheryl Crow -- That describes my Mr X...can I hear an amen!!

December 6, 2002
7:41 pm
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Gingerleigh - I'm not angry, I accept things for what they are. At least he was finally honest with me about wanting to see other women. I told him before the break up not to disrespect me by seeing other people behind my back at least he's being honest now. My instincts lead me to say that when I did for a reason. Obviously I was right. I'm very intuituve, I think, now I can go forward. I'm not going to wait, but I aint going looking for anyone else either. If I meet someone I want to date, I will.But I don't even know how to date. I've been married all my life and jumped head into relationship after relationship.Now it's time to be me, for me, and all about me. Be happy with myself!!That's healthy, right?

December 7, 2002
1:21 am
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Absolutely. 🙂

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