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Good morning Starry, Christine, Camer, Sunny Art Angel, Kathygy and anyone else.........
November 9, 2004
9:32 am
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Cactus
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Good morning all,
I don't know correct me if I'm wrong but have we become a click or what, it's kinda cool if you ask me.
Well unfortunately I have training again for 1/2 the day and currently it's 7 a.m. PST and I need to be there by 9 a.m. Just FYI

Starry,
It seems as if your friend who passed had a full life. If you die with at least one person mourning your death you're a lucky person. I have always looked at death as a time to rejoice because you finally completed the game and can move on to the next level.

We have a Mayo Clinic out in Scottsdale and if I was going to undergo any type of surgery they'd be the people I most respect to carve on me (male humor). I'm sure your dad'll be fine and my prayers are with you.

Training is training a necassary evil. I'm glad your day went well I enjoy seeing your imaginary smile it warms my heart. Write when you get time. How's the house hunting going?

Christine,
Don't worry about responding to that old post of mine it wasn't that important and it seems like you did pretty good yesterday and it's best to concentrate on the good stuff in your life not the everyday crap we can deal with anytime. So any drama occur yesterday from him being in the building? Also by the way I liked the play by play of your weekend it seemed like alot of fun I'm happy for you. I like the happy Christine much more than the serious Christine. I hope she can come out and play more often.

Sunny,
I'll be back this afternoon if you want to (and feel comfortable) to post your story on the Liberation Thread let me know I'll be sure to give you my input. With the fact that these feelings are coming up now it's probably Gods way of saying it's time to deal with them in one way or another. Let me know what you think. I'm in your corner babe.

Camer,
Hey Girl thanks for asking about my weekend. I spent it taking care of my 15 month old niece (the light of my life) who I have custody of. I've signed up for parent/tot gymnastics classes with her so I'm looking forward to that. I'm also in a band and I've been writing lyrics for a few songs so when I do that I have to put myself in a frame of mind to be overly sensitive which sometimes can send me over the edge. I did pretty good this weekend although I did write a very sad song I'll probably never sing because it's too close to my heart. I'm still trying to get into a good place where I can go back to the gym but I'm not quite there yet but I'm getting closer. That was about it thanks for asking. I remember the one thing about being a therapist that I didn't like was that I could listen to everyones problems and issues but no one ever asked me how I was doing. It's nice to have friends who care. Thanks

Art Angel,
How have you been? Give me the readers digest version of your status. I had read about your story once before but if I try to find it now God only knows where I'll end up. Didn't you have a date recently? Fill me in.

Kathygy,
I'm also at a loss in remembering your story but I am very interested. If you could provide me with the readers digest version also I would be most appreciative I'm sure I'll remember it after you hum a few bars. (Just a little band humor).

Anyone else,
Sound off the more the merrier.

I really hope everyone is in a good place today. Wouldn't it be nice to have one day when we're all happy even if it was for one day. We'll all get there gang I truly believe it. My glass is way, way more than half full how about yours?

Alright the clock ticking I've got 1-1/2 hours before I need to go to training so respond soon. Seeya

-Cactus

November 9, 2004
9:55 am
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HI Cactus and everyone also...yes this is a good thing, and yes I think this is a good "click" too.

Very busy day here at work, thanks for wishing us a happy morning. So you have custody of your 15 mo old neice...i think i remember in your post back a few mos ago you mentioned this, who is the biological mom and dad an why are they not in the picture...hope I am not being too nosey!!! With the song that you wrote, maybe way down the road you could sing it, when your heart heals more. And yes, when your ready going to the gym will be a good thing, i love to exercise and it does relieve alot of stress, its just trying to get yourself to do it..in time when you are ready. And also, I like to
know about others too, its not always about me, so I think its good to ask how the other is doing, then its not so "one way". You seem like a wonderful caring person and thanks for brightening up this thread.

Sunny, Starry, ArtAngel, Cristine, and Kathygy...lets keep this thread going, can't wait to hear from you all...till then.

(((lotsa love, hugs and support)))

November 9, 2004
10:37 am
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Morning!!!

Nice to hear from you Cactus and Miss Camer (thus far) Cactus...I will try and post if I can this afternoon over on Libs ok? Thank you! What kind of training are you doing? You know, my ex hubby has a BS in Psycology from SMU but he really never used it! I look forward to hearing feedback from you regarding this issue if I have the guts to write it!

Camer...1 1/2 days to go then off work right? Woo Hoo!!!

Hugs To All!

Sunny

November 9, 2004
11:06 am
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Cactus... good thing you let me off the hook... I thought I'd have to sift through every post on this site to reply!

Well, the more time I am around the x bf, the more I remember WHY I'm not with him. There is a song by Ani Difranco that has a line in it that says "The butter melts out of habit, the toast isn't even warm." THAT is what keeps him in my life... habit. Cause every time I'm around him, he irritates me with his inconsistancy, his lack of manners towards women in general... Anywho.... on to better and brighter things... :o) I told my shrink that I'd told him that I had been out a few times with someone else... she said that if it made me feel better, to go for it. Not exactly what I expected to hear, but she told me that if that was what it took to see his true nature, and to stay away from him... to do it.

Well, back to work. It's freezing outside, and I'm loving every minute of it.

I'm considering transfering to Florida with my company... no legal department there, so I'd have to change careers.. AGAIN... but, I'm sick of the bologna. I did component level electronic repair in my former life, you all know my "job" now, and I still want a change. I feel like I have a restless spirit... I go to school for years and years... and pass the bar.. only to NOT want to do law! Although, I'm still looking at the environmental engineering degree... I feel like I'd be starting over though. Not a lot of engineering classes in my past. I need a career counselor! :o) Hey, maybe I should become one of those! HAHAHAHAHAHA

November 9, 2004
11:09 am
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Hey Camer,
No I don't mind you asking about my niece (Fabiana) she's my sister's kid. My sister just wanted a child so she found a guy had the kid then figured out they're not like dolls they require a lot of attention that she isn't willing to supply. I've had her (single-dad) since she was 3 months old. My sister moved in with me a few months ago but hasn't really bonded with the little one and she's planning on moving out soon (thanks god). The baby will be staying with me forever which I'm happy about. I'm doing my best to be a good dad. Well that's my story not that interesting but I'm sticking with it.

-Cactus

November 9, 2004
11:26 am
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Hey Sunny,
I'll check the Libs this afternoon. Don't feel pressured to post if you're not ready. I'm there to give you input if/when you need. You're steering this boat not me I'm just along for the ride hoping to navigate the choppy water. My B.S. is from Az State Univ. It wasn't Stanford but it wasn't bad. Talk to you soon.

November 9, 2004
11:30 am
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Oh, now I see how you ladies are, leavin me for a man!!!

I'd do the same I guess!

Well hi cactus, looks like you have a monopoly here. I guess if the click is open ended I'll join in too!

Camer, cristine, sunny, and everyone hello today!

November 9, 2004
11:35 am
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Hey Christine,
Considering you're paying your Psych for those sessions I would echo her sentiments about the "imaginary date". My concern had more to do with if I were asked prior to you making the decision to do this I would have advised against it but once it happens and you're okay with it so be it.

Why are you feeling restless. Are you truly wanting a change or an escape? Just curious. You sound really upbeat and positive I like having you back. You're truly a joy to be around. Seeya

-Cactus

November 9, 2004
11:41 am
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Cactus, I feel honored and it made me feel good that you included me in your post. The truth of the matter is I have never told my story here but maybe its time I do. Good luck with training.

Kathy

November 9, 2004
11:41 am
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Cactus
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Workinonit,
Hey How are you? I don't want it to feel as though I have a monopoly. I look at it as a group of friends (you are more than welcome to join, the more the merrier) supporting one another. I think I've posted with you before please by all means join in. Welcome

-Cactus

November 9, 2004
11:42 am
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hey guys... I really am feeling bad about interrupting in here.

But, we have developed problems on these boards in the past because of "clicks". It's great for you, but others visiting these boards, esp for the first time, view this as less inviting, to put it simply.

I ask that you guys not use names in threads like this again. Putting the and anyone else at the end doesn't make it look, less exclusionary.

I'm going to move this thread and other threads with names in them (those not created for a 'particular persons issues') to the liberation brew side a little later today.

Thanks, SC

November 9, 2004
12:14 pm
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Good Morning SC,
I take full responsibility for this oversite. I was under the impression that as long as I put "and everyone else" in the thread it was acceptable, my bad I apologize. Me putting the phrase "click" in my thread was more a humorous observation than anything else.

My intention was not to exclude anyone but to make sure I respond to everyone who took the time to respond to my post. So am I to understand (just seeking clarification so as not to get my privelidges revoked) that we are to not put any names in the threads at all? And if that's the case then we are to go to the Libs Threads whenever we want to speak to any of our friends. Please adise.

-Cactus

November 9, 2004
12:30 pm
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Hi Cactus, thanks for writing back. But first, just to state it, no one will get their priviledges revoked for creating thread titles, or making aggressive posts here and there stuff like that. Really, guidelines here are pretty loose except for anonymity.

I used to have the following guideline tip posted:

Thread Titles: *please* create them very thoughtfully. IE: If you create a thread title for a specific person's issue, please add the "issue/problem" after their nickname. For example: John Doe Needs Marriage Advice. If you create a "chat" thread, please use titles that WELCOME EVERYONE, rather than listing individual nicknames.

I really, ask that names only be used in a thread when it really is creating a thread for one particular person. While click threads are fun and friendly, and no bad intentions EVER would enter anyone's mind, believe it or not, they can also lead to a hostile environment here in a couple of months or so. People feel 'less than', or excluded, and many times fearful of being ganged up on by a click if their opinion differs. It snowballs. It's happened here a couple times in the past, that's why I made a guideline tip as above.

Without going into a whole lot more details, that's it in a nutshell. I let the other thread(s) go, but this new thread just made it all the more apparent that I needed to make a post about it.

November 9, 2004
12:54 pm
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SC,
Thanks for responding. I was reading some posts a few months ago and I witnessed the wolf pack (ganging up)mentality you mentioned and yes that exchange was extremely toxic in its feel. I felt bad for the person being ganged up on and mentioned my concern. Rest assure I would never promote such behavior on any thread I initiate and would terminate my participation in such a thread if it did occur.

I assure you I am not big on clicks and next time I'll make sure to keep my humor to myself. Just like actual support groups the participants get comfortable with the people who frequently attend (post) which is what happens here. I've found quite a few people here that I've bonded with and am being introduced to more everyday. It's difficult keeping track of everyone and their stories unless I set up some type of personal contact list with them and acknowledge them and their stories and that is what I was inadvertantly trying to do. I'm sure this is just a drawback of the system. I will be more than happy to comply with the guidelines though.

Thank you for the clarification.

-Cactus

November 9, 2004
1:01 pm
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Hey everyone,
Just wanted to apologize to you all for not being more familiar with the site guidelines (my bad). Anyone new reading this thread Welcome, Welcome, Welcome please introduce yourself the more the merrier.

-Cactus

November 9, 2004
1:20 pm
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hey cactus, funny, now thinking about it, I saw people I knew on this thread and yet felt slightly uncomfortable about posting hence, the humor. I didn't put it together until this discussion. Now I suppose I am understanding how someone might feel standing on the outside of the thread I started.

I am truly sorry if anyone here ever felt badly.

November 9, 2004
1:38 pm
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Hey workionit,
I guess I just didn't think that far down the road. I was just having fun. Oh well onward and upward.

-Cactus

November 9, 2004
2:13 pm
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HI everyone!!

Just to let you know, my dad's surgery went well. He will remain in ICU for a few days, but the nurses say he is doing great. Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers...he is my best friend...and can't imagine not having him.

I found a house, and working on the paperwork..I am very excited.

Sorry, I haven't been around more....internet access is tough at my house....lots of others wanting to use it....but I will be back to chat again soon.

I did have a bad thing happen. I called my ex last night. I think it was a combination of being worried about my dad, and being excited about this new house. ... Really made me feel like I needed to talk to him..well, of course..he wasn't very nice..not a totally jerk...just the usually " I don't really have time for you right now...but I will call you back" crap...then he is like " Well at least say good night to me" before I go in my house with my pregnant girlfriend who I hate( he didn't say that part)
I felt like I was a little kid, with him pushing me into saying good night...I don't know...I don't know why I called...hoping maybe things would be different...but I think my hopes that someday they will be different are crazy!!

Sorry, just needed to vent. So, day 1 of detox again..but at least I am not all upset and sad about him.

Cristine...How is work going with your ex there? Thinking about you girl.

Talk to you all soon...don't forget about me...I need you all! 🙂

November 9, 2004
3:48 pm
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hi everyone,Starry, don't bash yourself, so you called him, no biggie,he did sound like a jerk to you though! just start fresh 2morrow with day one of detox.

I am so glad you dad is ok also, my
thoughts and prayers go his way.

((sending hugs and support to all)))
camer

November 9, 2004
4:44 pm
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Ditto that Starry..I'm sorry I called him your grandfather! Confused there a bit! Welcome to Libs everyone!!!

Cactus: I posted my story on the thread molested by my mom....It seemed I should do it there with all that has been going on today. If someone will tell me how to copy and paste to here, I will try!

Be back later!

Hugs,
Sunny

November 9, 2004
5:14 pm
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Cactus:

Thanks for including me on this thread. My heart is doing OK (it is fine physically! :)) I have been having a rough couple of days, but as I was talking to my friend on the phone last night, she said, even that is progress, because it used to be a rough everyday. I thought that was insightful and nice of her to say, it made me feel a little better.

My story, the very short version, is this: my first boyfriend ever broke up with me in early Sept. He is 21, I am 22. he broke up with me for a 17 year old girl-- he is a pot head, he has been doing cocaine all summer too. He went on a date in May with another girl, while we were still together. I found all this out about a week after he broke up with me. Haven't had any contact with him since October 3rd. So I'm doing pretty well. he was my first love. So it's been rough.

Anyway, thanks again for asking about me. You are truly a caring person. I look forward to talking more with everyone here!

love and hugs

art angel

November 9, 2004
5:26 pm
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Hey Starry,
Good news about your dad. I knew he'd be okay. Cool deal about the house. Describe it to me I'm dying for the virtual trip. Just think when you get your own house you'll be able to have as much internet access as you desire (and can afford).

Little one I don't know why you keep beating yourself up over having contact with this guy. I guess you'll stop when you're ready and not a moment sooner. I still love you no matter what. I just don't want you to get hurt anymore.Write when you're able I missed you today.

-Cactus

November 9, 2004
5:37 pm
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Hi AA,
How could I leave you out of the thread that would just be down right rude of me. Are your rough days due to missing him or missing what he represented? You are a young thing aren't you. Good for you on not contacting him you're a very strong willed person and believe me it's his loss and someone else's gain.

Your first loves I don't believe you ever get over you just learn to put them in a box in your heart and every once in a while you take them out dust them off look at them have a good laugh at how naive you were then and put them back for safe keeping. Don't worry one day you'll be able to do that too.

My first love dumped me for a bank teller (what a joke I was 22) she went on to become a lawyer (no offense to our lawyer friends) I happen to run into her approx 10 years later when I was teaching a co-dependency class at a recovery center. We talked briefly and as she walked away I thought to my self "that was the love of my life" boy have I (at the time) matured. She married a cocaine addict so like I said Karma is a wonderful thing. The worst payback you could ever get on someone who does you wrong is to live your life right. You're doing great girl keep up the good work.

-Cactus

November 9, 2004
6:21 pm
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Thanks Cactus, for the encouragement. My rough days have been due to both missing him and my idealized version of him. I miss being in love and having someone to cuddle with. oh well I'll get over it. Also I've been asking myself, what are relationships for anyway, if they are just going to keep ending? Just to get you through phases of your life? Is what my sister says true, that the only person you'll have always and forever is yourself? I just have serious doubts that I'm going to find someone else. I know I need to have faith. It's just hard.

P.S. Starry, glad your dad is doing well!

Thinking of you all,
AA

November 10, 2004
12:15 am
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Cactus...I don't know why I beat myself up. I honestly sometimes think that he must be missing me, we were so close...and that he is going to admit his undying love for me this time if i call.
2 problems with that....first...it isn't going to happen...hello he lives with someone else, whom is pregnant...and second, he has been so mean to me.....why would i want his love.

Cactus...I can't understand my actions either.... believe me, I am bugging myself by still contacting him..and you are right, I end up beating myself up everytime...so any ideas why I can't seem to just forget him...he seems to have forgotten me.

Ugh..i bug myself sometimes...but I didn't call today...YAH...

I am excited about lots on internet access in my own home....I really miss you....You always made it easier to be strong and make it through the day!!

Have a good morning.....I will write when I can.

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