Well, this is not really about my relationship ,even though, it has some to do with it.; When I am trying to ‘comfort my self sexually”, first of all, many thing are going throw my mind, like the type of emotions I feel for him when we do it, the holding, the warmness, feeling protected, taking care of , cozy and sweet feelings I do not think it is who he REALLY is ,what I remember, but, certainly I associate with ,like a father figure; and when I finish I start crying …; very sad, I feel alone, stupid for doing this “to my self”(what ever THAT means ,but that is what comes from inside of my ; all of this) and cry, and cry; feeling kind of abandon ,crawl in my bed ,trying to comfort my self, caressing my arms…hold my teddy bear…I feel GENUALLY needy, it’s like, it’s too powerful, the feeling at that moment and ,afterwards that I really need to be hold and console ;very vulnerable ,like missing something very dearly, and like I know I have the right to want that and have it; but I don’t…
PLEASE,I need somebody advise and words, so that may help me to understand all this; by the way, this can happened ,almost every time I masturbate, and when I was younger ,some times when having sex with a partner at the “O” moment