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Are you really my friend
December 9, 2004
10:48 pm
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willitgetbetter
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You know Aces, that what amazes me. Like a few weeks ago WE were total wrecks, lost in the maze of life, now look at US! Lets not pretend life is a bunch of roses but we are getting there. Yeah, back on the dating scene sucks but it keeps me busy and funnily enough, although they have not been potential lifetime partners, I have made some great friends. As I said I still miss [her] but yes it does get easier. As for her contacting my daughter, I know her game. It is a way of keeping tabs on me but my daughter is a very sensible young lady and knows the score. Dad doesn't come into the conversation! She's a cool girl my daughter....

December 9, 2004
10:50 pm
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Anonymous
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Well if she is your daughter Im sure she is a great woman. I think we both need time and that is about it, it takes time to get through things like this and we always have eachother and this site. I went on a date and it sucked, but oh well, I am slowly moving on and it feels good to do so. BTW I dont think funnily is a word, but you are soo creative.

December 9, 2004
11:03 pm
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sewunique
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Aces,

Did I miss something here? I have not been on here much the past couple of days and just read this last part of the post. I just wish all is okay with you. I can't figure out what you are referring to, but then again, sometimes things just zoom over my head. And I guess it is none of my business, any way. Bit I do want you to know I am here for you and please hang in there whatever the problem is.

Sew

December 9, 2004
11:04 pm
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willitgetbetter
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Aces, Thank you, Forget the Oxford English Dictionary, This is the dictionary according to [Will]. lol A unique vocabulary!!!! lol

December 9, 2004
11:06 pm
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willitgetbetter
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Aces, go to the thread "Any prayer requests". Says it all really!!!!!

December 9, 2004
11:09 pm
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willitgetbetter
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Hi Sew,
Just a bit of the 'Mutual Appreciation Society'. Join in......

December 9, 2004
11:14 pm
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sewunique
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Okay? I appreciate all of you! 🙂

I am still confused, but you all are great and I am glad to know you all!

December 10, 2004
10:11 am
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Anonymous
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Sew don't worry about it, I was a little upset about another thread but I have just decided to ignore it, so how are things with you?

Will- Sorry I had to go the other night, I don't have internet at my home yet, and was at work still, hope things are okay any new prosperous dates?

December 10, 2004
12:47 pm
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Anonymous
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BTW I too appreciate everyone on this site, kinda like the show cheers, where you can go where everyone knows your name : )

December 10, 2004
12:53 pm
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sewunique
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Aces,

Yes, Cheers to you to!

Ok, think I got it, but am letting it go. Hope you keep hanging here, wouldn't want to loose you with any drama you might incur!

I'm fine, just getting along and doin'. Are you feeling better and doing ok since the other day with all happening with email, etc?

Sew

December 10, 2004
12:55 pm
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Anonymous
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Oh yes I am much better now, things are good, and so forth, but I did post that Mr. Jack and I talked about having just a sex relationship since we got along so well when we had sex, I just don't think it is the healthiest of things, go figure.

December 10, 2004
12:58 pm
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Anonymous
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And I am still pretty upset about certain events and postings around here, but I am really trying to ignore it.

December 10, 2004
4:00 pm
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MEC
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Aces,

You saying that maybe you are still interested in a "sex relationship only" is very saddening to me. I haven't been to the site in a while, but, I remember this happening about 9 months ago and it seemed like you were getting better and getting your life put together. But, now, it seems like you are in the same spot as you were before.

Have you considered going to counseling. Maybe trying to work this out on your own is just too challening for you right now.

In terms of your friendship, I think that it appears unhealthy and I would just end it. I think you met this friend through me and I feel partly responsible for what you are going through. However, you are both good people, but, maybe because of what you both are going through right now, you should not be friends???

Please don't misinterpret this as an attack or taking sides, etc., I am not. We all have similar problems and are trying to deal with similar and very difficult issues and perhaps some of your friends just can't give you what you need right now. This doesn't mean they don't care about you or that they shouldn't be your friends. I would say to the contrary, they do care about you.

But, it seems to me that you are expecting an ill person to give you support and help you deal with issues when this person is also ill and needs the same from you. Obviously, that is difficult.

Take this analogy:
You have a very high fewer and you call a friend to come and help you and take care of you, but, this person tells you, I am sorry, I can't help you right now b/c I have a very high fewer also. Would you really say that this person is not a true friend b/c she didn't want to come due to her fever? I don't think so. I think you would understand.

I think this is what is happening with you and your friend, just that obviously neither of you is physically ill, but, you are suffering from something like an illness. I don't know what it's called and I have it to. I have just been better lately (but as we all know could relapse any minute).

I hope you both will consider my words and also take them with a grain of salt. I'm obviously not an expert and perhaps I don't even know what I'm talking about. This is just my opinion.

I value both of your friendships and I'm sorry you two are going through this.

As for getting the SC involved, I think it is highly inappropriate unless for some reason you feel unsafe. But, you both came to this site to talk about issues and vent and get opinions and to try to prevent your friend from doing so is controlling, abusive, and manipulative and I strongly disagree with that. It's like saying that you don't want her to have a way to express and get help here just because she doesn't come here as often as you do. I don't come here as often as you do either and then every now and then I come on and I post a lot. I would feel like this site was a fraud if someone tried to exclude me.

Aren't we all here to talk about our issues and get advice? It seems to me that you want this forum for yourself and want to use it as a method to control your friend and you want us to only hear your end of it and somehow take sides. It seems like some people are doing that. I urge everyone on this site, to reflect upon that.

Thank you.

mec

December 10, 2004
4:04 pm
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gingerleigh
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Good observations MEC, and well-stated.

December 10, 2004
4:27 pm
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willitgetbetter
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I suggested Aces speak to SC as it seemed to me she was feeling intimidated and the subject of personal attack. I stand by that advice. As we all know, if we are concerned about anything here, SC will give appropriate guidance. In my opinion, it was not innapropriate to contact SC. If it was I am sure I would have been told that by SC. You however are of course entitled to your own opinion, as are all of us here.

December 10, 2004
4:37 pm
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MEC
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willitget better, under other circumstances and maybe knowing all the facts, i may have agreed with you, but, under the circumstances as i understand them now,

no one is in physical danger (not even close)

and you suggested to contact the SC b/c you only know one side of the story, while this side may absolutely be the correct side, you still know only one side

and if you prevent the other voice from being voiced, then you will continue to only know one side

and then you can't even help and/or give appropriate advice to the side you are listening to because we all know that when we are upset we sometimes phrase things in ways that benefit us and help other people take our side (and when we do that, often we get advice that doesn't ultimately help us resolve our issues)

all i am saying is that i think both sides should be able to express themselves here or neither side should be able to do so

i understand contacting the SC has resulted in neither side being able to post and/or discuss their thoughts, troubles, and ideas on how to deal with this issue

do you really think this is the optimum result for aces? and her friend? or anyone else on this site?

i doubt it

Aces could be a 100% right in this whole situation or maybe not, I don't know.

You definitely seem to jump to the conclusion that she is though.

I like Aces a lot. She helped me a lot on this site too, but, I think we are all very quick to make judgments and take sides. I don't think that is necessarily the best thing to do.

December 10, 2004
5:02 pm
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site coordinator
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MEC,

I know you are concerned, and are now getting involved, however, your assessment of my involvement is inaccurate.

Not posting: means we're working on it without using blow torches on the site. It doesn't mean either of them won't, or will not, be able to post. Is it that bad that folks be asked to 'be quiet' on the site for 2 hours rather than escalating differences? Please allow people their privacy for a few minutes.

You have also incorrectly stated MEC that people are not able to discuss how to resolve the issue - - contrary, that's the entire discussion right now. Please, let's remain calm, give some time.

I ask MEC, now that you seem to be in direct communication with one or both parties, that you come to me in email as well.

Please folks, I'm running out of time for the day, let's not blow this out of proportion.

Thanks.

December 10, 2004
5:06 pm
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MEC
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I don't think it is bad that people are asked to be quiet. In fact, I suggested the same thing. But, I think we need to be really careful about isolating one or both sides and discouraging use of the site.

December 10, 2004
5:27 pm
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MEC, decisions about these kinds of problems, cannot be put up for a vote.

Too many cooks spoil the pot. And I hope folks disregard your last comments as well, as they are not only inaccurate, but unnecessary and certainly non helpful here.

December 10, 2004
5:35 pm
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MEC
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Which comments are you referring to? I'm confused? If they are inaccurate, I stand corrected. As I said, I do not have all the facts.

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