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Choosing between love and family
December 9, 2011
7:59 am
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Karishma
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I come from an Asian/Indian background, a conservative society and an upper class family. I have been educated abroad and have a career in academia. After my divorce from a three year marriage I have fallen madly in love with an ex-classmate who lives abroad and we have been in a long distance relationship for almost a year apart from being able to meet up while I initially visited him and he later came to see me. His family is not as well off as mine but he is educated has a decent job, is extremely responsible, caring, generous and loves me like mad. He was very unhappily married as well for a long time and is a non-custodial father of two. These factors obviously has not gone down very well at all in  my family and they have been extremely upset with me for the last seven months ever since I told them about my relationship with him. It began with me threatening to simply walk out on them but ofcourse i could never do that as I love my family and would do anything for them. I came back to my country as my father had fallen ill and even though I had not initially liked my ex-husband I wanted to make my parents happy with a good match as I felt very guilty at the time for not doing so well in my studies etc. Even though my ex was very rich, I never could find the partnership I was looking for but seemed to have been cast in a more trdaitional ' my huband is my guardian' type role whcih i could never accept along with other issues. My marriage as I said falied miserably but during the time I focused on completing my postgrad and making myself independant.

I have had previous relationships before my marriage, but was too young to really understand the dynamics of love and compromise, my parents had never approved of any of them and I had backed out not wanting to hurt them. Now, at thirty and having been through a divorce I feel I am more matured and independant and am not simply blinded by emotions with my boyfreind as my parents think I am. I am well aware of the sacrifices and financial stress I will have to face as he does have responsibilities. But I also know I want a career and want a partnership not a  husband who will 'take care of me' materialistically. I want us to build a life together, where we will support and take care of each other each other and be sucessfull as a couple. iIknow with my support he will do well as will I with his, we are wonderfully compatible, want the same things in life and are the best of friends, we share our every thought and have never really had any personalty conflitcs or arguments. He makes me incredibly happy and has been supportive of all my choices, he even said that if it makes my life easier to let him go as he knows how sad and conflicted I am because of my family that he will accept it even though he will always love me and will always be there for me. I even tried breaking up, but it has been impossible for me to let him go, I had gone into severe depression and know I will never ever get over him. I have tried to make my family understand, their negativity has caused terrible confusion on my part. I began with accepting him as a father of two but later started having severe issues with his kids and ex, which I think is closely linked to really trying to find an excuse to let him go as well as the fact that i feel jealous as I am far away and not really a physical part of his life even though we are always on the phone or skype every chance we get. Now, I constantly stress about what society will think, what my parents may have to go through etc and its driving me crazy.  I feel like the worries my parents have that I will not be able to deal with the finacial and other resposibilties is taking away my initial streght and confidence I had in my relationship. That the saying 'one can never be happy in marriage by going against hurting on'es parents' is somehow coming true. But I also know I simply cannot imagine my life without him,  and don't want to look for a 'suitable' partner as I will always love my boyfriend no matter what. I know that most of the issues I have with him being a Dad will go away once we are sharing our lives together. Am I blinded by love and wrond for wanting to be with him at the expense of my family's peace of mind and 'social standing'?

May 28, 2012
1:17 am
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ShiningLight
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Karishma,

 

You need not choose because either of the two is very important. Love has grown and started within the family. A family is not called family when there's no love at all. Applying love outside the family is another story. There are lot of things to consider. But you have your own decisions and if you think, you are doing the right thing then so be it. Maybe there's just a little misunderstanding between your family and your recent guy. You may need to facilitate an open forum for both party and talk it out as one whole family. You've just divorced from a 3 year marriage so it's just normal for you parents to worry things about you so you have to let them know and ask for their advice as well. Your thoughts, opinions and mainly your concerns. Before anything gets deeper and complicated, try to have a family counseling.

August 9, 2012
4:55 pm
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Curtis Baker
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You can call me orthodox person but I still give high priority to my family than my love

June 13, 2013
11:19 pm
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jackjacki
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*-*-**-*-**I constantly stress about what society will think *-*-***-*-*-***-*-* CoolCoolCool

June 14, 2013
3:31 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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"I constantly stress that society is stressing over what others are thinking instead of being honest with each other and being who they are"Cry

February 24, 2014
11:25 am
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valentinbucur
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Hello,

My name is Alice and i found helpful informations on this page http://www.relationship-advice.....counseling. You should try.

Best wishes!

February 26, 2014
5:53 pm
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valentinbucur said:

Hello,

My name is Alice and i found helpful informations on this page http://www.relationship-advice.....counseling. You should try.

Best wishes!

SEASONS GREETINGS TO YOU ALICE.  Thanksies a bunch for the ever so helpful amazing information. Laugh

Love,
I Pass Gas

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