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Anxious about a suicidal boyfriend
June 22, 2014
1:37 am
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miri
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I'm really worried about my boyfriend. He is being depressed lately and having suicidal tendencies.

 

Everything between us is fine but it all started from his stressful job and long hours of work, the people around it and his horrible boss. I kinda understand that he's not really comfortable working with other people because he is also an introvert. He told me that he's been depressed lately. I was really worried. I keep on telling him that it is just a part of his job and whatever happens, I'm here to support him. But still, nothing's happening. Until one time when his boss scolded him because he is not doing his work properly but in fact, he is the only one working on his team. I suggested that he should take a break from work, and he did. He told me that he wants some time alone, so I did. His parents were also concerned of what is happening to him because he's starting to be distant so they took him to a retreat so that he could spend some time alone and to remove the negative things that is bothering him. He went back after a week, but he got worse. He started to send me SMS saying that he doesn't want to be with anyone including me because he is "tired" of people bothering him and he just wants to die. I got really mad and told him that it is not right to shove people away especially the people who care for you. I know I was a bit wrong that I told him that but I was really worried and panicking, I don't know what to do. I tried not to lose my patience so I told him that I will stop bothering him just don't do anything stupid. Few hours after that, he told me that he tried to kill himself by slashing his wrist and he feel so upset because he's still alive. I don't know where he is so I was trying to contact him through SMS and calls but he is not answering. A day has passed and he sent me a message again that his parents will take him again for a retreat because they don't know what to do with him anymore. He started to feel mad again and even attempted to kill anyone who interferes with him. I know it's crazy, but I really don't know what to do again so I told him that I will wait for him to go back. He started to get worse telling me again that he doesn't want to be with anyone even me and keeps on telling me that I don't have to wait for him. Still, I told him that I will wait for him to go back and feel better.

 

He is on that "retreat" now and I haven't heard any news about him. I want to talk to his parents for them to be informed what is really happening to him. They don't really talk that much. I really wanted to tell them but I'm afraid I might get mocked or kicked out of their house before I even tell the problem. I feel so anxious about it. I really need some help on what should I do. Should I just ignore the problem and move on? Or should I wait and tell his parents on what is really wrong?

June 23, 2014
4:13 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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miri,

I know this guy is your boyfriend, but he has a right to decide to do anything he wants & no one should try to tell him differently.  Obviously if he is trying to hurt himself towards suicide, it is something that should not be ignored, but in the end if he has taken the time to really think things through and if nothing is helping him get better, then his desire to be left alone should be honoured.  After all, you are only his girlfriend and you most certainly cannot know what is going on in his mind or even what he has been through in his life.

I think you should let him know that he is being unfair for telling you that he wants to take his own life.  If he truly wants to do that, I think he should have the courage to just do it.

Retreats, vacations, treatments, friends, they are all great for a person who is just fed up with his/her life & needs some space.  I do not think you should be the one to advise his parents about his decisions.  He can do that for himself.

 

It's a little sad for me to hear that all of the pressures of his job were dumped on him & that he took that responsibilty seriously & that no one gave him any support or praise for his efforts.  I think that that is the part that hurts him the most.  The part where he stepped up & no one even supported his efforts.

 

One Day

June 26, 2014
3:37 pm
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miri
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Thank you, One Day!

I was able to talk to him last night but not his parents. Anyways, they are bothered on why I want to talk to them so they asked their son if he wants to talk to me. It went well. Told him the reason why I want to talk to them is that I was just really concerned of what is happening to him. That it would be unfair to kill himself without them knowing what his problems are. Especially for me, I would feel guilty if he does that because I know all his problems and the fact that I didn't do anything to prevent him will keep eating my conscience. He told me that is the reason why he wants to be alone simply because he doesn't want others to be worried about him. Still, I told him it would be unfair. He told me that he really appreciates my concern but he really wants to be alone, stop bothering him and do not attempt to talk to his parents anymore as it will raise more questions. I understand him. I also convinced him to tell his parents what his problems are (work, friends, officemates and even our relationship) and try not to hide anything as they would be worried too. After that, he asked questions about me (How am I, how's work, how's school, etc) and tried to make me smile. He was sweet and all. He comforted me because I keep on crying like a baby while talking to him eventhough his Dad is watching us. LOL. He borrowed a cellphone from their helper because his phone got confiscated by his parents, sent me an SMS that he's okay now and he won't try to kill himself anymore, to take care going home and asked me not to talk to his parents anymore because he hates interventions. I told him that I was sorry because I'm only worried, I also told him that I miss him so much, I understand him and to take care of himself. He replied: "I will if you promise me to take care of yourself too". And then, he said goodbye. I assume he wants to end this. I really don't want to, I want to be with him and only him but I will try to understand his side that maybe he wants to end this because he doesn't want me to keep on worrying about him. Btw, he also told me personally that we are okay but he just cannot maintain our relationship. I didn't bothered to ask what his point is but I think he was trying to say that he can't maintain our relationship because his mindset is unstable. It really hurts so bad. I lost my will to work, to eat properly, to study, etc. I just want to do nothing but to cry myself to sleep. It's really hard because I don't want to lose him. I really love him. But I think he ended this because he loves me too.

 

Thanks again. I really hope that one day, this will pass.

June 27, 2014
5:25 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Miri,

Sometimes time & distance does help.  Sometimes people just need to make a clean break from whatever it is that keeps them trapped in their thoughts of despair.  The most you can do is to give him the respect of having space.  I know it is hard to let go & that you will be worried & sad, but this is just one of those times in a relationship where you need to accept what you cannot and should not try to change another person's choices.  Things may get better for him, they may get worse, but at least whatever he decides will be on his own accord.

I think you should try to move on with your life when you are ready.

 

One Day

April 1, 2015
9:26 am
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jane150
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