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Angry with father over his relationship with my sister. Driving me crazy
June 16, 2014
6:58 am
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Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
June 16, 2014
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I am a happily married 40 y/o man with a 3 year old son I love.  My wife, son and I get along very well and we are a happy family. 

My father, age 77, visits us everyday for about 3 hours.  He loves my son and vice versa.  My father and I have been very close all my life.  We are the compasionate ones between us and my mother and sister.  Mother and sister are pieces of work. 

Me in a nutshell:  very compasionate, extremely fair/objective, big believer in justice, but I tend to run hot under the collar.  No matter how mad I get, however, if someone wanted to shake hands and make up later, I will NEVER say no. I am not afraid to admit when I'm wrong and if I'm out of line, I will almost always be the first to recognize it, own it, and atone for it.  My mother and sister never ever admit fault in anything.  I've been around for 40 years...haven't seen it once.  They also are stubbornly prideful and if they are in a fight with someone they ALWAYS expect the other person to come "crawling on their knees and ask for forgiveness."  Not being dramatic here...this is how they are.  They NEVER EVER make the first move in an apology situation.  They simplly don't apologize ever. 

My relationship with my mother and 42 year old sister (she's married with 2 kids and lives with my mother) is non-existant--by their choice.  I can't possibly go into the entire history but being as objective as possible, they have chosen not to have anything to do with me for illogical reasons.  I didn't get in a big fight with them, I've never been arrested, I'm clean cut, colllege educated, have a job, family...there's no dirt on me.  They can't keep any friend for more than about 1 year.  Eventually they turn on everyone and when they do they have a "screw them, I never want to speak to them again" attitude.  They eventually turned on me.  My mother basically hates me because I don't hate my dad.

My father and mother are divorced.  Awful marriage they had.  Always fighting.  Mother is an extreme control freak and hot head). 

My dad and I have always had a very strong relationship.  Very unlike my mother, he would give the shirt off his back to help me or anyone else for that matter.  My mother quite literally wouldn't call an ambulence for me if she saw me lying in a pool of blood in the street.  I mean it.  She will say "Good!  Suffer!  God is punishing you!"  (punishing me for not following her completely unreasonable demands, ones that no sane mother would dare say to a 40 year old son). Example, I'm balding so I shave my head.  She thinks I'm being a rebel LOL.   I explained to her that if I don't shave what little hair I have, I look awful, and that many clean cut CEOs are bald.  But the fact that I don't "obey" her and grow my 3 strands of hair out, makes her say, "my son doesn't  obey his mother.  I want him out the door."  I am NOT making this up.  This is how it played out and how something similar in nature would play out.  She's unbelievable. 

Ok so that's the skinny.

Now my sister is a master manipulator.  She was all for splitting up our family.  She always liked when my parents fought, even when we were kids.  I hated it.  Made me cry every time.  My mother loathes my father.  My sister has her believing she does not talk to my father and she leads my mother to believe that she too hates my father.  Yet after my mother goes to sleep, my sister calls my father most nights.  Yet she will NOT let him see her kids in fear of them ratting her out.  That deeply saddens my father.  He's been cut off from his 2 other grandkids. 

I get VERY protective over my dad when he talks to my sis.  I tell him to stand up for his rights, and that he should give my sister an ultimatum..."Let me have a non secretive relationship with you, so I can see you and my grandkids, or nothing at all."  It makes me SICK that my sister is playing both sides.  She tells mom that she hates my dad, yet she secretly calls him at night.  So my mother loves her because "she's a good daughter that lives with me, obeys me, and also hates her father".   He should not put up with that in my opinion and yet he does despite my MANY pleas to him.  I then get very angry that he lets this happen.  I also get angry that he hasn't called her out on why she gave me and my family the boot.  She LOVED us last year.  Then all of a sudden she hates us.  She's SUPER hot and cold like that.  If 3-4 days pass before me or my wife call/text her...she flips and starts hating us because "we haven't talked to her everyday."  Totally unreasonable human. 

So I LOVE my father.  But I'm sick when he let's my two-timing sister talk to him, late at night.  I want so badly for him to say "take us all the way, or not at all..."   But he won't.  And it bothers me to my core.  Obviously right, lol, I'm seeking advice in an online therapy forum lol. 

Can anyone give me some direction here?  I'm going nuts.  My sister does not deserve my dad and I can't stand to witness this injustice. 


Thanks for listening,


June 17, 2014
3:37 am
Forum Posts: 1134
Member Since:
January 18, 2012
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Dear J, sounds like the best part of your post is your very first sentence.  I would not worry at all about anything else.  Where I live it's just about summer & the outdoors is a great place to discover beautiful things.  I don't know if your family has a car or access to transportation, but you & your family should try when you have time to take a road trip & consider just how lucky you are that you have a wife, that you are married & that you have been blessed with a son.


Best wishes,


One Day

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