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I need help
October 23, 2012
8:57 pm
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groo667
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October 23, 2012
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I need help. I have no
idea what I want in life. I am diagnosed with ADHD-PI. I go between
bouts of extreme loneliness and then not caring about anything at all. I
have violent homicidal tendencies, and fantasize about rape. I am being
treated for depression and social anxiety. I want desperately to be
normal. I want to feel guilty all the time, instead of only when I
really mess up.

I hurt people emotionally because I get lonely and angry and take it
out on them being paranoid and asking too much. I keep asking my
ex-girlfriend who loved me to see me and it hurts her a lot. I have no
self control to stop asking her and she wont block me. I don't want to
date her because I don't love her, but I wish that I did love her
because we were such good friends.

I overreact to being forgotten or abandoned. I can't handle it. I get
stressed and become reclusive. Some days I feel confident, and I react
appropriately, like feeling happy when I see children growing up, or
feeling compassion when someone is sad, or laughing because someone else
is happy. Some days I feel pride for other people having achieved their
goals. Most days I don't.

Most days I am compassion-less and selfish and I hate myself for it.
Most days I want girls out of lust and violently. I have never acted on
these feelings because I know the guilt would torture me. If I felt this
violence all the time it would be easier. But I switch back and forth,
sometimes multiple times a day, from happy and energetic to depressed,
angry, and selfish.

When I am around people and talking to them I am the more happy me,
and when I am alone I get lonely and lust after girls. I have friends
for a few months and then get paranoid of them. Fear that they will
leave me for better friends. Fear that they don't like me anymore. I can
be incredibly insightful and understand humanity in my best moments,
and then forget it all and hate everything.

I am never manic. I usually am a bit hyper in the middle of the day
and then burn out and get depressed in the afternoon. It doesn't matter
what or when I eat. If I eat small meals all day or don't eat at all or
eat a lot of food this still happens. I never commit to any hobbies. I
never stick with anything. I'm in college to be a software engineer. I
get bored doing anything not related to my program and don't care about
it. I'm getting bored of my program and want to do music but I don't
have a professional singing voice and I can't play any instruments very
well.

My mom also seems to be like this, but she didn't show it until my late teenage years. Before that she was more stable.

I don't know what to do. I've been like this all my life. I feel like
a psychopath one minute and overwhelmed with emotion the next.

October 25, 2012
3:38 am
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dop
Member
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Forum Posts: 65
Member Since:
December 20, 2011
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You will need help sorting this out. It seems you have
abandonment issues and your worst times are when you are by yourself and feel
isolated. You are fine when you are surrounded by people and your thoughts are
preoccupied with interacting with others.  When you are by yourself your thoughts want to
revert back to these isolated feelings you have developed. You also experience feeling
a part of, and then complete isolation. You feel unstable going from one
extreme to the other. I believe some how your relationship with your mother
plays into your views of women and your feeling isolated. This can be worked
out you need to seek a professional who will help you understand the interactions
and reactions in your life.

October 28, 2012
8:11 pm
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ShiningLight
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Forum Posts: 572
Member Since:
February 9, 2011
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If you need help then just get the help you need asap.  If it's possible for you to consult and submit yourself to a counseling/therapy then go ahead cause it's the best thing to do right now. If not then check on plenty of available resources and self-help options online. You are not alone so don't be afraid to receive treatment and guidance for your condition. Seek the support of your relatives and friends and for sure they will help, maybe not all but most of them will. Think positive and everything will be fine. You don't have to cast yourself out due to your condition cause as I've said, you are not alone. You just have to reach out.

 

Wishing you well. Keep in touch 🙂

March 19, 2014
1:04 am
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Dr. Basim Elhabashy
Delray Beach
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Forum Posts: 88
Member Since:
October 10, 2013
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It is always advisable to get help from the experts and consult as soon as possible so you might get the right guidance so it will give you right direction and it is always said that prevention is better then cure.

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