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Male Sexual Assault in College
March 19, 2015
9:01 pm
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pardisa
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March 19, 2015
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Hey Guys. So I need some help figuring out a situation. I've asked several friends but none of them seem to have a definitive answer, so I thought I'd try this out. Something happened to one of my male friends at college and I'm worried about the way he's handling it. One night my roommate and one of her friends decided to spend the night in and drink. They had a couple beers and a little bit of wine, but overall they seemed relatively coherent. I was watching a movie with some of my friends, but I eventually came back and I hung out with them a bit. My roommate's friend, we'll call her Kathy, had just broken up with her boyfriend and I could tell she was trying to get with a guy. But whoever she talked to wasn't interested and turned away from her. It was my male friends' birthday that night. For the sake of this post we'll call him Joe. It was Joe's birthday and he went out partying with some of his friends and he came back absolutely wasted. He was having trouble standing and he said he couldn't really make things out clearly. He came back alone and he headed straight for my room since that's where he spends a lot of time. Kathy came out and stopped him before he reached our room. She took him away and wouldn't let him talk to anyone. She could tell he was very drunk and she backed him up against a wall and held him there by his shoulders. Joe said he wanted to come to our room and hang out with my roommate and me, but Kathy told him that we were busy and we didn't want him there. I came out at one point and Joe tried to talk to me, but Kathy saw what he was trying to do and pulled him farther away. At one point one of my friends passed by them and she told me that she overheard Kathy tell Joe something like "I know you want to" At the time I didn't understand what she was talking about, but it turns out she was trying to convince him to hook up with her when he didn't want to. Eventually, Kathy just took Joe to his room and got into his bed with him. Joe was still completely wasted and she kept telling him "Oh we're just hanging out" "What we're doing is totally fine. I don't know why you're freaking out". The next day there was all this talk about how the two had hooked up in Joe's bed, and my roommate was so mad at him for hooking up with her friend. All of Joe's friends blamed him and accused him of "being horny and insensitive and a douchebag" and "getting with any girl he could". While Joe has hooked up with his fair share of girls I have a hard time believing that this was completely consensual. Joe brushed it off and apologized to everyone, but I feel like part of the reason he did that was because he knew no one would believe him if he told them what Kathy had done. The more I think about it the most red flags come up and the more I know that Kathy took advantage of Joe's drunk state. What do you guys think? Do you think this is sexual assault? And how do you think I should bring this up with Joe? I know he's not going to readily acknowledge that he was assaulted but I think he needs to face this and work through his insecurities with his friends. I want to help my friend but I don't really know how to. What should I do?

March 20, 2015
10:06 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Pardisa:

unless "Joe" asks you, you should do nothing. Even if "Joe" did want your help or opinion, personally I would most certainly listen to him because you describe him as a decent friend, but he needs to make his own assessment of the events that caused him to decide to go with "Kathy".  She didn't hold a gun to his head or did she?!!  Even though you were privy to what you think you  saw happen, it is still not your business.  In fact, if the door was closed no one even knows if "Kathy" forced "Joe" to do anything.  Who knows, maybe Kathy is pregnant by "Joe".  Aren't soap operas full of surprises?Cool

 

O.D.T.S.P.

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