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Dating a man 17 years my Senior
February 10, 2013
10:01 pm
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Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
February 10, 2013
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I am in a weird situation with an older man. I am 22, he is 39. We met a couple years ago, hung out, started seeing each other. I was really enjoying him. I really liked this guy, and we were seeing each other for a couple months. I was 19, he was 36. He didn't want to have sex with me, and I was confused on why. Our age difference? Was I too young? I thought he didn't want to pursue anything at all. So I left. I got into a relationship with another guy, who was older by 5 years this time, not 17. We dated for about 2 1/2 years and broke things off. After all this time, I still couldn't get "J" out of my mind. For those 3 years we would send each other an "update" of what was new. Now that I have been single for awhile I asked if he wanted to meet up again. After a few weeks of e-mails, we have been back to the same thing as before.

This time I had to ask him why? I was always sad about his no desire to have sex with me. He explained to me that he just has a fear of sleeping with people because he has doesn't want children, and or diseases. He had a pregnancy scare with his serious 7 year relationship ex girlfriend. I know I am only 22, but I have never had a desire for children, and as I get older I have had less a desire. BUT maybe one day I will want to that to change with the right circumstances, but I honestly don't see it. I don't know if I should take a chance on this guy. Not because we don't get along, we get along PERFECTLY. I just don't want to waste my time unless I am worth it.

I really like him, and we have been getting to know each other more intimately this time around, and I mean emotionally, not physically. I don't mind waiting, because right now we have no labels with each other. He respects that I don't know what I want, and helps me more emotionally then any other guy I have known. But can I really wait around again for the sex? He said it takes him 6 months to a year to get sexually involved with someone he is seeing. Is that reasonable to wait that long for someone you are really connected with? 

Today I asked him how long has it been sense he has been in a seriously committed relationship, he said 11 years. Now, should I hold onto this and be the that special girl who breaks that cycle? And I am not exaggerating about his "sex problem". He was the one who brought it up and he thinks it's a problem, and wants to go to therapy for it. I think maybe him talking about it, should tell me that he is acknowledging the problem is there, and maybe I should be patient?

Is it because of his age as well? I hear that a guy when he get into his 40's (hes 39) can sometimes loose testosterone very rapidly. I really like this guy, and what he has to offer is what I really was wanting with the guy I had previously dated. I am in a pickle. What advice can you give me? Should I be worried? How long should I ride (or in my case NOT ride) this pony show for? ConfusedConfusedConfused

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