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Wife wants to move out of the country, I don't.
January 17, 2014
9:05 am
New Member
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
January 17, 2014
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Hello everybody,
I'm in a bit of a weird place in my marriage.  6 years ago I went back to my country (we'll call it Romania for privacy) for a small vacation during Christmas.  I met a great girl there and we hit it off really well.  She told me she was planning to come to the US for a wok program and I suggested she come stay with me while she works.  That's what happened and 5 months later, she came.  We starting getting along more and more and by the end of the summer I really wanted to stay with her and didn't want her to go back to Romania.  I thought about it pretty well (I was 22 at the time and she was 20) so I figured that the best way to keep her with me is to marry her (I am naturalized US citizen).  She of course said yes and we got married 9 months after we met.
Since the beginning she has been very clear that she doesn't want to stay far away from Romania and that she wants to be close to her family.  She has nobody here other than me.  She's not too fond of my family so there's nobody really close to her other than me here.  We try to go back to Romania as much as possible but between airplane tickets and other expenses, it's a good 5,000 each time we go.  It used to be every 2 years we would go back.  Lately she's been trying to go back every year but it's very hard financially.  Both of us being students with student loans and credit card debt (not a lot), it's next to impossible.
We have stayed with my parent's for the most of our marriage.  Out of the 6 years, we just moved 4 months ago to a small 1 bedroom apartment closer to school/work.  It's been working out ok so far, no complaints there.
Lately she's been really pushing the idea of moving out the country closer to Romania or somewhere else in Europe it so she is closer to her family.  Not only for that reason but over the years she has somehow gotten this very very negative view for the United States.  She thinks everybody is out to scam us for money, we are always going to be in debt, the food is all GMO and not healthy, school system is broken and all they are trying to do is rack up you with student debt, and other even crazier ideas such as biohazard and biological/war threats towards the US from the outside. 
She constantly tells me she is very unhappy here and if it wasn't for me, she would not stay here one more day.
My problem with all of this is not moving to Europe, it's the process of doing so.  I do not want to move back to Romania if I can help it.  Last time I lived there was when I was 12 in the 5th grade.  In a few months I'll be 29 so you can see why.  I can't relate to anything there, I have the ability to read and write but at a 3-4th grade level and I have yet to finish my Bachelors here (almost a year left).  So I don't want to abandon my school and try to finish it somewhere else in another language.  Not to mention, we have no money to move and be able to stay somewhere where we can pay rent/food/utilities/school until one of us or both of us find jobs wherever that may be.  She has been also struggling with school here and recently told me she doesn't want to study here anymore because of the above mentioned reasons (school debt and broken system).
So at this point, what am I supposed to do?  I can't just get up and leave.  My dad (when he dies) has put 2 fully paid houses under our name in his Will for us to live in, rent or do whatever else we want with them.  I don't want to burn my bridge back to the US by abandoning the houses, and not to mention any CC/school loan debt.  I have no way to pay it all in full so I can get up and leave if I find something overseas.
Sorry for the long post/rant, it's just a big mess in my head  Confused
Any advice would be very helpful as I'm clueless how to go about this!
EDIT: Sorry, forgot to mention, no kids yet since that's another thing she's afraid of.  She believes that in the worst case senario, she will move back, I will stay here and kids will complicate things
February 2, 2014
1:04 am
Forum Posts: 13
Member Since:
January 4, 2014
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hmm well have you thought about telling her all that, and that you cant just up and leave?

Maybe you could try asking her, how the two of you would REALISTICALLY LIVE in "romania" once you got there with the cash flow you both have? is she expecting you to just sell the houses in order to fund the move if you WERE to?  maybe she doesnt have a realistic view on the whole situation and thats why shes not taking your feelings into account? because if she loved you why wouldnt she think about what you want too?

Being a couple and being married is a team effort. sometimes one of you have to take one for the team in order to make things work. is she willing to do that? or is shes trying to push this punch on you instead? why cant she just live here with you and then once your both settled and in a better place financially start bringing family over HERE? i married into a family that brings family over from the phillipines all the time. Oh and as for her saying that people are trying to scam you guys all the time and etc. that sounds like shes trying to build up excuses for why shes not happy here. that may not even be the real issue. shes a woman and theres probably much more to it all then you think. try to sit down with her and have a REAL conversation and ask her "whats the REAL issue here?" does she just really miss her family? or does she feel like your relationship is going nowhere so shes trying to come up with another excuse to leave you? lots of people come here all the time to make a life for themselves and leave behind family in the process, if she really wanted to and to stay with you then it wouldnt be that big of an issue.

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