Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
reconsidering marriage - have only been married two months
February 18, 2014
8:09 am
Avatar
daydreamer13
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
February 18, 2014
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lately, I've been worrying that I may have made the mistake of getting married. My husband and I have been together a little over four years. We got engaged a few months after we hit the three year mark, and got married nine months later. I'm worried now that I may have made a mistake. When we were dating, we had passionate sex all the time and enjoyed each other's company immensely. When we moved in together -about two years ago-the sex slowed down a bit, but it was still very enjoyable. I guess I was delusional in thinking that we'd start having sex more once we were married, but in the two months we've been married we've had sex twice: once on our wedding day and once on our honeymoon.

When I bring up the subject with my husband, he seems distant, comes up with excuses why he doesn't want to have sex (just ate, hungover, someone's coming over soon, etc) and the whole process just doesn't feel very romantic anymore. Last night when I brought up the subject again he confessed he doesn't have the drive. 

In addition to our sexless marriage, I find myself wishing he was more active in our relationship and in life; he works a compressed schedule (Su-We 1:30pm-midnight) and I work a regular M-F 8am-5pm job. On the weekends, it seems we have so many social obligations (we're in a band together, he's in multiple other bands, there's always a party or shindig of some type happening) that it feels like we don't have enough time for us. When we do have time for us, I try to suggest active things like going on a hike, walking the dogs, or even a bike ride, all of which he doesn't want to do.

I'm generally worried that maybe we shouldn't have gotten married. When I'm driving, I have an overwhelming desire to just keep going, almost like running away. I don't want to run away, I want us to be happy because I love my husband - I just can't have an unfulfilling marriage. Frown

any suggestions? experience with the same?

February 18, 2014
2:01 pm
Avatar
dop
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 65
Member Since:
December 20, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sorry to hear of your situation. Obviously things have

changed and they are centered on him. I believe he owes you a better

explanation. If it’s no sex drive he needs to be medically check out. If it’s a

relationship issue you deserve an explanation. You may want to ask him if one

of these scenarios apply. Understand him and support if it’s a medical issue.

Maybe get some counseling if it’s a relationship issue. You two may view

marriage differently. You want to move forward do different things, go places,

and expand your world with him and he sees it as he is content to maintain the

world in which you both met in.  No

matter what the scenario is bottom line you’re not happy and need answers?

Along with trust, communication is a must if marriage is to continue.

February 18, 2014
8:46 pm
Avatar
ShiningLight
Admin
Forum Posts: 572
Member Since:
February 9, 2011
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dop is right that you need constant communication in order for your marriage to continue working. And it might be best to consult a marriage/relationship counselor that can help you both figure out the issues and how to deal with them. That way, you will know if your marriage is worth saving for or not.

February 19, 2014
10:33 am
Avatar
daydreamer13
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
February 18, 2014
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for taking the time to read my post and reply. I think I will take your suggestions of reaching out to a marriage counselor. I love my husband, but I just thought marriage would be different. I might also suggest to my husband that we go get physicals together, that way, he can bring up the no-sex drive issue to a doctor and see if it really is a medical issue or if it's a relationship issue.

February 21, 2014
12:26 pm
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 271
Member Since:
September 5, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

daydreamer13 said:

Thanks for taking the time to read my post and reply. I think I will take your suggestions of reaching out to a marriage counselor. I love my husband, but I just thought marriage would be different. I might also suggest to my husband that we go get physicals together, that way, he can bring up the no-sex drive issue to a doctor and see if it really is a medical issue or if it's a relationship issue.


That is a great plan please let us know how it all works our for youSmile
February 21, 2014
8:57 pm
Avatar
rajakaran123
India
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
February 20, 2014
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have read your post. I think counselling is required for both of you. You also have to remember love before marriage and after are absolutely different. There are so many social obligations in marriage life. Understanding plays important role. So you have to develop understaking.

February 23, 2014
12:07 pm
Avatar
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 271
Member Since:
September 5, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

rajakaran123 said:

I have read your post. I think counselling is required for both of you. You also have to remember love before marriage and after are absolutely different. There are so many social obligations in marriage life. Understanding plays important role. So you have to develop understaking.


I AGREE ANYONE WHO HAS A PROBLEM NEEDS TO GET PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING ASAP.Kiss
Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
32
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110922
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38536
Posts: 714206
Newest Members:
Corties, patrickstayes, kevinkovalsky, izzy39, RoyFollman, kevin021
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer