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My wife says she is not happy. What am I doing wrong?
November 14, 2013
10:16 pm
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Jerry713
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November 14, 2013
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Sending at least 50 emails per day. I'm not sure how to even start this correspondence. So please bare with me as I struggle through this. 
I am a happy go lucky guy with good stress management and I'm short to anger. I work on average from 6-9 AM until 4-6PM Monday - Friday ( also from home after everyone is in bed ~9:30PM-3AM. Through the chaos at work I take calls from my frustrated wife regarding our children, finances or what we should have for dinner that night.  
When I arrive home our 16 month old son has been crying since 3-4 PM and is only quiet once dinner is served, then crying until we put him to be at 6:30. Our 3.5 year old daughter is just that, 3 1/2; each day / hour is different. Happy, upset, pouting. She is a young girl growing and learning, frustrating my wife and me at times.
If I am not home in enough time to cook dinner (which I enjoy doing), my wife does (who is still learning how to cook and I greatly appreciate it). I then take action to clean up the children and clean up the preparation of dinner itself.
 
From the time our son goes to bed and our daughter is generally about an hour or so. Of which my wife usually retreats to the office or bedroom to play on the laptop or her cell. One of us puts our daughter to bed (we alternate each night with a different child and sometimes one of us will put both children to bed depending on what happened that day) After both of the children are in bed I always go and find my wife to see how her day went. 95% of the time she's on her phone or laptop playing on Facebook or the Internet. She almost never has anything to talk to me about. Or does so after I've left the room and tries to communicate this through text messages. When this happens I  may respond through text but usually go to talk to her and she doesn't have much to say. Repeat, Repeat, Repeat...
I've always thought that I'm a loving, caring leader and confident husband and father.
Every few months she will send me text message later at night or even while I am at work to the order of:
"If you cheated on me or did not love me any more would you tell me" "Or are not happy in this marriage any more"
I do my best to console and reassure her that I never have and never will ever cheat on her. I've never done anything like that and never will. 
Her general response since our son was born has been; "We've had lots of downs and it has nothing to do with love. You can love a person and still not be happy."
I'm just at a loss. I love my wife more than anything. I think I am present when she needs me to listen or needs me to perform my fatherly or husbandly roles, I just do it. I've asked and told her that she needs to verbalize to me when she needs help that I am not providing. If she doesn't communicate to me then I don't know. I keep doing what I think is working.  It just seems that I whatever I do (work less, help clean the house, clean-up after dinner, put the kids to bed or just let her know it's okay for her to leave the house for a few hours) that it's enough for her. According to my Jawbone UP band I sleep on average 3.5 hours a night. I stay up late to clean-up the kitchen, toy room, do laundry and work while everyone else is fast asleep. My doctor says I'm a freak of nature. 
Please help out a loving and caring husband and father who just wants his wife to be happy. 
P.S.
Sorry for the long post. Some added stress lately is finding out that our son has a genetic disorder that causes tumours on the central nervous system. We have both expressed our fealings on the news. Strangley the best time we've been able to to communicate was over this infromation. 
P.P.S
During both pregnancies she had extreme morning sickness that caused dehydration and a multiple hospitalizations. She had post pardone depression with both children and regrets having our son. After our son was born and 6 months of breast feeding ( with engrougment and pain) she went on Lexapo and found out she has Hashimoto's disease (immune system attacks the thyroid killing it and decreasing the production of hormoes & enzymes) and takes a synthetic thyroid. 
Thanks,
Jerry
December 3, 2013
1:30 am
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physician123
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November 26, 2013
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I think you have very busy schedule. For small time you should go with your family for vacation. Something nice place different from your routine. May this can change your wife mind.

December 3, 2013
2:50 am
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scottdale23
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November 19, 2013
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Yes ,I think that physician123 is right. You should go with your  family outside it can really affect your relationship. You spend all the time with your family. Its really affect your day to day life.

December 3, 2013
4:27 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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January 18, 2012
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I had already responded but I guess my post went unsaved.  You are not doing anything wrong & neither is your wife.  This stage of life is desperately hard and taxing.  I agree with the other replies, by all means, take the family on a well deserved vacation & spend some quality time alone & together!

 

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