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More comprehensive explanation of "Mixed Signals"
October 22, 2014
6:45 am
New Member
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
October 15, 2014
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I wrote the following letter to my husband one night when I was upset so if it is a little... messy that is why. But here the situation at hand:

You will most likely never see this letter.

I am merely using it
as an avenue to get my thoughts, my hurts, my pains all down and out of
my head and hopefully out of my heart.

The last three years
(well three as of February) have been no doubt a struggle. And I thought
I was strong enough to get through it all. But -

The fact of the matter is I am not strong enough anymore and I am not sure what to do about it.

I am tired. I feel so much older than merely 27.

love you. I do. There is not a thing I would not do for you. Just…
there are a few things on my mind and my heart that I am struggling to
deal with at this current moment in time (10/18/2014).

First and foremost:

feel like I’ve been lied to. You painted yourself as something
substantially different than what you are when we first ‘met’. Not that
what you are is ALL bad or hard to handle but what you presented to me
was not the entire truth. As a tag to this, I feel like I have lost my
identity in this mess and to you. I am no longer Jeri, self-proclaimed
geek and writer and wife. I am merely David’s wife now.

Second of
all, I feel like I’ve been lied to about other things. Namely those
emails I found. I know I said I’d let them go. I tried. I really did.
But they’ve been eating a hole in my stomach and when that happens,
something is usually off. I tracked the header information of multiple
emails that I found and a few of them pinged from an IP address as near
the pool hall. Which means it came from a cell phone. I need you to be
honest with me even though in my heart I know the truth…

you trying or thinking of stepping out on me? After everything I’ve done
for you? After all the hell and heartache I’ve been through for you? I
have been nothing but loyal and true to you. I know I am not the
greatest in bed or the greatest looking but… I tried I really did. You
were nothing but selfish in the bedroom. All on your terms and timing or
nothing at all. You’ve never even OFFERED to take care of my needs.  I
did everything for you and for your needs without demand of
reciprocation. SO WHY?! I feel like I’m not pretty enough to get you
going anymore like I once could. I feel ugly and undesirable by you or
anyone else.

Third: I need you to understand that I understand
you have issues. I get that. We all do. But you using them as a crutch
to not change is a bit ridiculous and rather immature. Which leads me to
my next emotion.

I feel like I am raising someone else’s child,
not my own. And I want kids. I would love nothing more than to have kids
with you but I feel in my heart that you may never, ever be emotionally
ready to have kids of your own. And that breaks my heart.

thing I need to know and understand is why do you turn everything
around on me like I AM THE BAD GUY when that may NOT be the case? Why is
it that you say the MOST HURTFUL thing you can think of and then try to
fix it later? Do you really think that is okay? When I am merely trying
to talk things out like normal adults, you do your dead level best to
hurt me and break me down. I hate myself afterward for the longest time.
Usually in arguments that is when honesty comes forward. Which leads me
to… and I want utter transparent honesty here:

Do you want out?
You’ve threatened to leave so many times and in that argument a week or
so ago alone you brought it up at least 3 times. I’ve been feeling like
you’ve been putting a distance between us. I feel like you look at me
weirdly and that you get TOO defensive when I ask simple questions. Is
there something I should know? Are you hiding something from me? Is
there someone else? What is it?

If you want out, then just say
so. I’ll be heartbroken, yes. And I’d continue to be your care advocate
until someone else took over in my place. I mean it when I say I do love
you and want nothing but the best for you. I know you are extremely
unhappy. I’m doing what I can to save my sanity and make this work from
my end until our situation is able to change. But if you need to change
your life, even if it means divorcing me, to find your happiness and
your health again - then I will not stand in your way. Not one bit.

that is what you feel like you truly and desperately need. And if that
is the case, I will do what I can to make sure your care does not lapse;
that you get in a situation that you need; even help you find someone
who can deal with your situation better than me and is capable of making
you happy to the fullest possibility available.

Just tell me. Openly and honestly.

I love you.

I want things to work despite what I feel but….

I feel and sense that this may not be the case from your end.

And I need to know. One day.

Your faithful and loving wife,


What should I do? Communication is a total drag with him so I can't talk to him about this. Least not yet.

October 23, 2014
3:34 am
Forum Posts: 1134
Member Since:
January 18, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you for sharing your pain & I can identify with everything you feel.  Don't give him the letter & don't even try to talk to him about what you feel.  I think you are probably much more than he deserves.  Try not to fall in love again.


One day

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