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Marriage on the Rocks
July 28, 2013
11:18 am
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Nicole84
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Intro
Hello. My name is Keyonna and I am 29 my husband is 25 yrs old. October 1st we would have been married for 3 years- God willing. I think it's best to know a little about our marriage before I even get into what happened. My husband and I met during a girl night out in the middle of August. We danced and talked all night, at the end of the night he asked for my phone number and on a date for the very next night. Since we literally have been inseperable. I was pregnant with our first child and so we married October 1st. We had a very quick whirlwind romance. My husband is apart of the Army and as apart of that we moved from GA (my home) to Texas (his home- it's about 5 hrs away). As a military brat myself (over half of my life) I saw my mother go through 3 deployments with my father. So I was truly convinced that I would be able to be a good wife and do the same as her.

The Issue
After my husband deployed to Afghanistan (June 2011) my parents came and got me and my 2 month old baby and took us back home to good ole GA. After a few months I started feeling the crushing loneliness that comes with being a new mother and doing it all on my own. My mom was there but she wasn't much help at all. She's one of those "it's your baby you do it" type of Grandmothers. October 9th, 2011 I was contacted by my first love's best friend, Steven contacted me. We had casual conversation. It started off with "Hey how are you doing?" and "Nothing just playing with my son" and things like that. As we talked more he started reminsing about our one night stand that happened 9-7 years ago. I told him that I am married and he needs to stop. He referenced my "pretty tities" quiet often and our converstaion lead to a graphic sexual conversation. I nipped it in the bud the very next day after having time to think about what I had done. I told him we can talk as friends but nothing more. And we did but he still referenced my boobs and tried hard to get my phone number and see me. We spoke off and on about life: I talked about my spoiled brat being bratty out of frustration. I also reveald that in order for me to receive oral sex I have to be 110% comfortable with that person and that I rarely let my hubby do it because I am so shy about my body. He asked if I would let him and he received a flat out no. Well long story short: I never gave him my phone number, we never saw each other and we never physically had sex. This incident happened Oct 14th, 2011 and was never repeated. We spoke as friends until March 2012 and he send me a message about a month later and I never answered.

Transition
The last couple of weeks have been pretty rocky for my husband and I. We don't see eye to eye about his Army career. I think he should stay in and change his job and he wants out. He really doesn't understand how hard it is in the cilivian world. Especially, when you have a wife with a chronic illness that needs constant medical attention. We had a plan to move to Houston so he could join the Houston Police Department (HPD) and I would find work in my field. My husband started talking about moving to his middle of nowhere hometown after we get out and that didn't sound great to me because we'd be living with his parents and sharing a room with our 2 yr old. Not to mention the conditions of his parents how isn't the best either. We had to live there for a month when we first married. Well we finally came to some sort of an agreement. We will move in with his parents and stay for one month while we save money for an apartment and he'll go work out in the oil fields. Lately, that's the only thing he's talked about was working in the oil field instead of HPD. It makes me upset because I know he can do better and I know he left that city for a reason- he wanted more. So lately we've been kinda shakey and he's been a little distant.

Message Found
3 days ago my husband found the message. I had gone to work and left my Facebook up. He said our son was playing on it when it all of sudden pulled up Steven and I's conversation. I really don't believe him there but I am in no shape to argue about why he went through it. He confronted me about it and I just broke down crying. I hurt the person I love most, my best friend in the whole world. My world came crashing down on me. He says he doesn't love me, to get out his face and that he wants nothing to do with me but I know he's very hurt and angry. I told him the truth that I only talked to him via Facebook and that he was nothing. My husband doesn't believe me at all. He thinks I physiclally had sex with him, which is not true. My husband and his brother think I should go back to GA (after telling my parents what I did-and lets just say my mother isn't a big fan of my husband) for a month and he'll see how he feels. If he misses me we'll work things out and if not...I don't even want to think about it. I personally don't see what leaving for a month will do. I think it'll be the beginning of the end if I do. And how will we keep in touch and work things out? How will he be able to trust me if he's not there in GA with me and Steven is? PLEASE HELP ME!!! I am willing to do anything to save my marriage. I told him so. I told him I'll deactivate my Facebook for a while. He said no. He just wants me gone. He refuses marriage counseling as well, he said I need help-he doesn't. I love my husband with all my being!! I want to mark this relationship work. I can't do it by myself.
PLEASE HELP!!
Sad in Texas

July 28, 2013
1:41 pm
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onedaythiswillpass
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Dear Sad,

if you only did as you said & only spoke with this old boyfriend, you have done quite simply nothing wrong.  If Stephen was Stephanie & you had had the exact same convo, would your husband really care?  I think if he is treating you this way for simply having an open conversation about your sexual desires or preferences is ridiculous.  Yes, your friend Stephen was rude & should not have asked you to meet him, knowing full well that you were married.  If he was a real friend, he would not cross that line.  But you insist that you set him straight & that you never even met him face to face.

Your husband is having trust issues & If I was you, I would suspect that should be having some too.

If you are telling the truth, their is nothing that you should feel badly about.  I am sorry for your marriage.  I am sorry that your husband feels he cannot trust you, but honestly if he doesn't, then the marriage is not worth trying to save.

 

One day

July 28, 2013
6:37 pm
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Nicole84
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We had a graphic sexual conversation via Facebook one time. I told him that we cannot do it again and kept it friendly. I felt and now feel like a monster for what I did. It does seem like my husband is overreacting to the situation. He did agree to marriage counseling so there's an upside.

July 29, 2013
5:25 am
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wondering2012
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i agree with one day, it was jut talk on a computer no physical conacr only talk, and like tou said u seen where u was wrong and put the friend in his place and told him to mever do it again. i wonder why people get so jealous of just "talking"?

July 29, 2013
5:38 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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I heard in the past about this husband that was so jealous of his wife that everytime she went out with her girlfriends, he thought she was not telling the truth & actually going out with strange men.  She was never unfaithful, but in her husband' s mind that's what he thought.  One night she was coming home from playing Bingo with her girlfriends and her husband got of the house, saw her walking down the street. took out his hunting rifle and shot her to death.  He later hung himself in jail.  People are odd sometimes.

July 29, 2013
7:01 pm
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wondering2012
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in my experience i was never unfaithful but was accused all the tume, come to find out it was my ex husband who was being unfaithful. he just figured i would find out, which i did, and would do the same to him. 2 wrongs dint make a right.

July 29, 2013
10:02 pm
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2013ways
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You mentioned something about marriage counseling when do you and your husband plan to go? At this point that would be your best bet.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

September 18, 2013
11:19 pm
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will1290
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I know this is a bot of a stretch in the reply but as a fellow veteran i feel i should speak.
Your husband was away fighting for not just himself and money bit for his family you and your baby. He was gone for a year and found out during that time you had a very sexual conversation with another man. When men are over in afghanistan or iraq we hear stories of wives and girlfriends cheating so much that its a natural reaction to think that might be us. One of my first questions is why the hell was a conversation you had two years ago still up on your facebook? Unless you were still speaking to him you should have deleted it so there was no proof and no temptation to speak with that so called friend again. And the way he is thinking is this if you cant handle the stress and lonliness of him being on deployment why should he trust you? We are truly tested of how much we love someone when we are pushed to that breaking point and you failed. All i can say is that you need to lay yourself out there and tell him it wont happen again. If hes willing to give you another chance then be glad and make sure you never do it again but dont demonize the man when your the one who was wrong.

September 19, 2013
2:42 pm
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You are spot on Nicole is wrong.  

October 27, 2013
7:36 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Will,

I need to step away & take a bow for your reply.  The deployment situation is one that I am totally unfamiliar with & you have shed a different light on the original post & problem.  You are right that although his deployment may not have intentionally been regarded as a test of her loyalty to her husband, it can be considered that from the perspective of a husband who leaves his family to help his countrymen.  You are right, she should have discarded all this "one time" mistake online long before his return.  If she loved him & knew she made a grave mistake, she should have erased all evidence of it so that he would suffer the pain of seeing it.  Did she wan't him to find it?  I wonder if he was faithful to her when he was away?  The truth is, only the couple knows.  I can only tell you that what she did was a mistake & luckily only online.  In my personal life if I am truly in love with my partner, I would never consider straying no matter how lonely I might become.  I unfortunately cannot say the same for the men who were in the relationship with me.

 

One Day

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