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marriage falling apart after baby/ husband doesn't love me anymore/verbal abuse HELP!!
December 3, 2013
6:41 pm
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be_happy
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let me start by saying I'm an immigrant in usa. My husband and i we married for 5 years and we have an 11mnths old daughter. Divorce isnt in my plans at least while our daughter is that little. If we separate-i would have to leave back to my country and would take my daughter with me witch would mean she most likely will not know her dad while growing up... i wouldnt be able to stay as i wouldnt be able to make nearly enough money to provide for us here. And also i have no one here. no one. 

Now, our problems didnt start after our LO was born. it began much earlier...but because it was going down all slow and over few years you just dont notice it and then once we had our LO it slapped me in a face that he isnt the Man ive met! i am very simple by nature and say what i think( i never argured , i think every problem can be solved by simply talking it over and if you care and love a person everything is going to work itself out)

my husband is very closed person (but he was open to me for the first few years), we talked about everything and understood each other. finished each others sentences so to speak... he always was very judgemental and sour towards others and often even blindely rude (like to the workers at supermarkets etc...) but always nice to me, if we had an argument and i would cry he cared anough to calm me down and appologize, and i did they same(still do) NOW: the things spiraled out of control, he works in canada and comes home every 2 weeks (for a week) ive been alone with  our LO since she was 2 month old. he slowly isolated me from people(i used to be very social but not anymore, i actually developed a bit of a social enxiety) 

when he gets home : anything i say irritates him (he is fine when i dont talk at all)

                                 anything i ask to do (like put up the curtains or walk our dog) irritates him and causes a fight, and very rarely gets done 

                                 doesnt show any effection (i come to him,hug and kiss,tell him i love you etc)

                                 sex doent sattisfy me (i always start,do all the work,tried explaining,telling him what to do , but i dont think he cares realy as nothing is followed up, no trying on his part, nothing)

                                 he tries to manipulate me in any little thing i do (but it doesnt work bcs i know when he is doing it and IT always causes him to fight with me

                              Everything i do SUCKS("i put the table wrong, i didnt put corn in a soup, i didnt put enough efford cooking ribs, im a bad mother, our baby fell because i ve put the wrong pants / wrong soks on her" list endlesly goes on)

                                 he doesnt deal with bills or any of his bussiness(i have arrange and paied off all of his tickets in amount of total 7K, finily was able to make him file taxes to deal with his irs id thieft

             I know theres no LOVE towards me anymore even though he says he "loves me" he is always rude to me, i used to cry but i dont even get that upset anymore..it a normal thing now (((( if i were in my country i wouldve left him already... but the situation is a little bit more difficult and im trying to work it out... Financialy he can give our daughetr a lot, but on down side she will grow up seeing how he treats me and thinking that it is a NORM (((    

ive started to think things through : if i leave and how to do it right, where to go etc.....

ive also fuond myself crying when i see couples hugging and kissing and man openning door infront of women, old happy couples,

ive always immagined happiness and understanding im my family, involved father..

oh and i should also add he is , what he calls it, "functioning drinker" , he drinks  at least 6 pack on workdays, and lots on weekend starting at noon, we dont realy go anywhere where they dont sell alchohol ....

i have tried everything, from talking things through, no talking at all, fighting, ignorring the problems, talk to his mom, my mom, my ant, read countless articles... i am very distand right now as well as he is but i prettend to care ... the stuff thats been said to me - i will never forget... all i have by now is  alot of resenment and i need an advice on how to MANIPULATE him into RESPECTING ME AT LEAST (not the best way, but i have tried everything and this is just last step  before separation)

avery opinion and advice is welcome.... may be i will be able to look at things differently...                      

December 4, 2013
4:38 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Take your baby & go to a shelter.  Gather your thoughts.  I am certain the you will find the help that you need through social services to train for a job or just get a job & have some kind of childcare expenses covered until you have a better job.  Failing these options, consider taking your child and going back to your family.  Would they be supportive of you and the child?  Can you work there & support your child?  Whatever you do, it's time to distance yourself from this man's abusive behaviour.  You are his partner, not his maid.  Every mother does her best & it sounds like you are trying to learn to be a great Mom, a great wife & in a new culture.  He should show you some respect and honour you.

 

One Day

December 4, 2013
2:31 pm
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be_happy
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im currently doing citizenship for my country for my little girl (thats why im waiting and staying) Im going home to my country in a spring 2015 ("just to visit my parents" but im seriously considerring staying there with my daughter)  

i told myself i will try untill then to work on my marriadge... 

December 5, 2013
3:56 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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This sounds like a practical solution.  Just keep in mind that physical violence is not acceptable & if your partner disrespects you in this manner, you must either ask him to leave or you and the baby must leave.

 

One day

December 5, 2013
10:10 am
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be_happy
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there is no physical...  and he loves our daughter very much....thats why its a hard desicion for me to rip them apart and im trying to avoid it if i can...its all just mental.... saying things to put me down to the point i feel like im not worthy anything, no considiration of what i feel or think... everything is done his way... no partnership going on in this marriage... but then its the same in his family, so i guess he hasnt seen any better....and slowly we are falling in the same pattern.  my family is very calm,open and loving...i cant imagine live the way we do right now....

December 6, 2013
4:36 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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That is good news that he is not expressing his anger physically.  Just be aware that the transference of these kinds of behaviours within families starts at a very tender age & your baby will very soon feel the anxiety that surrounds it.  Your fears, your hesitations, your worry, all of that is felt even by an infant.  Same for yelling by him.  Over years this has a very detremental affect on a young child.  No child deserves to grow up in chaos and underlying abuse.  I am speaking from very personal experience. 🙁

 

One Day

March 19, 2015
7:15 pm
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Kelly74873
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 i want to use this medium to testify for what Dr Ishvara has done in my life . i had issues with my husband that lead to a divorce i was so heart broken and was so financially down also, things became hard for me cause i was left alone to take care of two kids , it was like the enemies have taken the greatest part of my life . i was not engaged in any job or business cause he never wanted me to work , he just want me to be a full time house wife , because he wanted me to take very good care of the family, so things were very rough for me, so i need no option than to engage in some kind of job so that i can earn little money to take care of my children needs and the feeding, that was how i continued doing it, until i met a very good friend of mine and explained everything to her , she felt pity on me and that was how she introduce me to a powerful spell caster called Dr Ishvara. he told me some spiritual things i needed to do, which i did not less than 1 day my husband came to me begging for forgiveness telling me he made a mistake divorcing me and that he will never do such a thing again in his life that was how we resolved every issues we had and got back together again even much more happier and stronger than before. how Dr Ishvara did everything still remain a mystery to me up till now. thanks to Dr Ishvara, you can contact him also if you seek his help , his email is [email protected]

April 14, 2015
2:26 am
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Sarah Jacoby
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April 14, 2015
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My name is Sarah Jacoby from USA, Three weeks ago I and my boyfriend had a conflict, so with that he broke up with me saying he no longer wanted to associate with me anymore, I never knew he was interested in working out his marriage with another girl, I was helpless because I loved him so much more than myself, after begging and pleading with him I realized it was out of my hands, he really was leaving me, I could not stay without him, I tried to figure things out with him but he is not listening me, he told me that he is no longer interested that I should look for someone else, I tried all my best but things were not working out, so I had no choice than to look around for help, I went into search of spell caster to help me bring him back to me with the help of spell and after searching I actually finalize to work with ([email protected]) in regards of my lover. after 3 days as Dr Madurai told that my lover will return. my lover returned in surprising way, I was chocked and was so happy I can't say how much I'm grateful, My lover not only came back to me, but has left his other girl and now has engaged me, we are getting married next month, I don't know what I would have done without this spell caster you can contact ([email protected]) him today . is spell is for a better life

May 14, 2015
6:43 pm
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ShiningLight
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Consult a marriage counselor who can help solve the issues of your marriage and there still might be a chance of saving it for the sake of your child.

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