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Losing Hope
July 27, 2014
5:39 pm
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mrsmal
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July 27, 2014
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I have been married for almost 4 years. I love my husband, I really do, but I am really starting to dislike him and I wonder if I can stay in this marriage.  We get along great most of the time, but when we fight it gets really ugly.  It is the same fight over and over. I have tried everything I can think of to improve our communication and conflict resolution, but he resists me on every turn.  He is very argumentative and has a short temper.  He yells at me all the time. Most of the time, I can walk away, but when I can't I lose it and then he blames me for all of our problems. He never takes responsiblity of his actions, no matter how hurtful. He almost never apologizes and he is quick to recall everything I have said or done over the years that has bothered him. 

I have given all that I have to this marriage.  I left my job, my family and my country to be with my husband.  But time and time again, he shows me that I am not a priority to him.  When I recommend relationship books, he refuses to read them. When i suggest talking calmly about our problems, resolving things he gets mad and storms off.  When I ask him to lower his voice when he is yelling, he gets louder.  When I write him letters expressing my feellings, apoligzing for my behavior and even offering him forgiveness for his, he either doesn't read it at all, or never mentions it.  I did some research and wrote up a contract with guidelines to help improve our communication, conflict resolution, intimacy, accountabiliy and forgivness, but he never read it.  Finally, i said let's go to counseling this week and he refused. 

I overheard him telling my mother that he loved me and wants this to work, but his actions say otherwise. It is like a slap in the face when he rejects every attempt to improve things and work them out. He rather blame me for everything, then take self inventory to see how his behavior is contributing to our problems. I am far from perfect. I can say a lot of things I regret when I am angry, but I have put him and my marriage above all else. I am sick of feeling like I don't matter.  I really don't know what to do, other than take some space. 

July 29, 2014
5:02 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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If I was in your situation & if you do not have children, I would begin by going into some sort of counseling for yourself & alone.  Keep a journal of the troubles & together with the counselor/therapist, see at least what you want out of the relationship with your husband & moreover, see what it is that you want for yourself in the next few years.  Take your focus away from what he refuses to do.  You cannot make another person want to seek help for their troubles.  The more you push, the angrier they become.  You, however have a choice on how you deal with your life & each person in it.  Your reaction to him is what will make the difference.  Your decisions once you see what you are not receiving that you deserve might help you to make good choices for your future.  The therapist/group/counselor can guide you towards emancipation of yourself.  You may choose to leave the relationship or you  might choose to stay, but either way, you will have a better way to cope.  You cannot change another person.  You cannot save a person who is not willing to even see that he/she might have problems that affect others.  All you can do is find a way to cope with him, or decide to move on.

 

One Day

September 9, 2014
6:46 am
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mrsboneta2u
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I have been married for almost 3 years. I am in a similar situation. I am really starting to dislike him and I wonder if I can stay in this marriage. he always seems to be so grumpy or wants to spend time on his stupuid car instead of with me.  Your husband sounds a lot like mine. He is very argumentative and has a short temper.  He yells at me all the time. He never takes responsiblity of his actions, no matter how hurtful. He almost never apologizes and he is quick to recall everything I have said or done over the years that has bothered him. Boy almosty sounds like we are married to the same guy! I feel your pain honey.  I have given all that I have to this marriage.  I have wrote my husband letters as well expressing how I feel and its like he mentions it 4 days later. "oh I read your letter". Im like really I poored my heart out and thats all you can say. I have also dropped a million hints. And I feel that I am being tuned out. I know how you feel.

 

My mom gave me the advise of finding friends or just going out by yourself and start giving him a taste of his own medicine. If that still dont work then seperation for awhile to really see if this marrage is worth fighting for.

 

Read the Full Page: Losing Hope | Questions, Advice & Help 
AllAboutCounseling.com

September 19, 2014
8:19 pm
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ShiningLight
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September 23, 2014
12:35 am
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PDan
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September 22, 2014
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One day is right focus on changing yourself for the better. Seek support groups and counseling for yourself and if he still doesn't change I think it is time to move on. Cause nobody deserves those types of treatment that you are experiencing.

December 17, 2014
2:30 pm
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selfhealthfamily
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December 17, 2014
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Never lose hope! Here is a link to a GREAT company that offers Guidance in just about every subject.. From Marriage problems, troubled teens to depression, to financial, You name it.. They are wonderful. All sessions are done over the phone, So you never have to leave the comfort of your own home. Super convenient, Extremely affordable! Sessions as low as $20. No insurance needed, No application, No hidden fees of any sort, No minimum session requirements, Its wonderful! Well worth the call.. Here is their website address:

http://www.selfhealthfamily.webs.com

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