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In need of an unbiased opinion
October 13, 2013
5:38 pm
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Motivated12
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October 13, 2013
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Hello,
 

I usually don't do this but I have been incredibly unsure of myself lately when it comes to making sound decisions about the future of my marriage. I am hoping to get a few opinions from outsiders because getting advice from friends and family has not been helpful. I have been with my husband since the age of 15. At the age of 22 and 18(me) we were married. We are now approaching our six year anniversary and I feel like I want out.
 

Why: I feel like since the beginning of our relationship I have carried him. I have put aside many of my own goals in life to help him build a career and future. He has yet to determine what he wants to do in life and we suffer so much financially because of his ever-changing career goals. On the other hand, I have been very certain about my ambitions since a very young age. I have put off applying for medical school because he is reluctant to relocate if I have to move for school. He is also concerned with the amount of student loans I will be taking out to cover tuition. The last straw was a little over a year ago when I was preparing for final exams; I found evidence that he had been unfaithful. To add insult to injury, we were attempting to conceive our first child, he continuously denied it and when he finally came clean he blamed it on the fact that I had been so focused on my final projects and exams that I had neglected him. I accepted his apology but was still frustrated with all of the other issues we had been facing. I finally became fed up with having my life on hold and enrolled in a graduate school in another state that following fall semester. I have to admit, it has felt great to have a sense of freedom. However, the freedom did get to me and I started up a very brief and inappropriate relationship with another man. I quickly came clean admitting my faults and tearfully begged for forgiveness. He forgave me and we decided to work on repairing the issues in our marriage.

 

 I am at the point where I feel like our efforts are failing. Since our last attempts to conceive, I have been on birth control because I am scared to start a family with him because I know he can't support us. We are both two very different people since meeting one another in high school. I think we have grown apart. He admits that he is still angry with me for cheating although I forgave him. He makes me feel like I shouldn’t have forgiven him and called it quits then. I feel like he holds it against me because that is one major fault that he can use against me. I have been told that I am easily manipulated by him and that he is riding on my coat tails although he hasn't been very supportive of my career plans. There have been times when I feel depressed and exhausted by our marriage (physically and emotionally). I want to move forward in life, with him if possible. I love him so much and I (religiously) don't believe in divorce. Also, I hate the thought of having to start over or hurt him (since he doesn't want to part ways). But there are times that I feel like he is a heavy load to carry. I see he is trying. He has now held a full-time job for almost a year, the longest duration in our entire 9 years of being together. He is now communicating more with our bill collectors since I told him I was turning finances over to him so he could understand how bad of shape we are in financially. He really does not want this to end.

  

I desperately need advice. Family and friends are split, some say leave while other encourage me to stick it out. Can he eventually become the ambitious and supportive husband I need? Should I be fearful that our marriage will eventually end? Have we outgrown one another?
 

I am scared it will all crumble apart when I'm finally into my medical career and I will be paying alimony while searching for new love as a depressed, used, older woman. I appreciate any thoughts on this situation.

 

Sincerely,

Motivated12

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